What Dating Red Flags Should I Look Out For?
September 9th, 2010
We have discussed red flags in dating relationships but I believe it is a topic worth revisiting. This topic recently came up in a couple of conversations with clients as well as friends. There are times when the red flags are blatant and obvious and other times not so much. In addition, there are times we ignore red flags because we are blinded by thoughts like “he/she is so hot and we have a blast together.” It’s really important to trust your gut and not ignore your intuition when it comes to red flags. As they say, hindsight is 20/20 and this concept has been helpful in identifying some qualities, characteristics and behaviors based on past relationships that could help point out potential red flags in future dates or mates.
She has multiple personalities. Not as in “Sybil” but more like she behaves differently when it is just the two of you, you are with friends or with family. Consistency is important to be able to get a true read on someone. Watch out if she is warm and friendly with you but cold and aloof with your friends or family. Does she become the wild, party girl when her girlfriends are around? This calls into question who the real girl is.
He is sweet and loving to you but is rude to the waiter, grocery checker, bank teller, etc. This could be that he somehow doesn’t know any better based on his background/role modeling. Seriously? Is he living under a rock? This is a poor excuse when we are talking about adults. Or, he feels these individuals don’t deserve to be treated well. In other words, he may feel he is better than them. Someone with an inflated view of himself is someone to question.
She doesn’t really make an effort to get to know your friends or family. She might be keeping her distance because she doesn’t intend to hang around in the relationship.
He doesn’t seem to have any future goals or aspirations. Is he lazy? Does he have low self-esteem? He may be very hear-and-now focused versus making plans for his future. He may lack maturity. This is a quality to look out for if you want to get somewhere in life.
She seems complacent. She has a job but not a career; occasionally complains about it but takes no action. This lack of motivation is a red flag because it can show up in many areas of a relationship down the road.
He frequently mentions the same ex-girlfriend. Any time the two of you have a disagreement this is who he calls. You broke up once and he hooked up with her. He might not really be over this ex-girlfriend. He possibly has some unresolved feelings for her. His behavior is telling something! In order to truly be with you he will need to move on from this past relationship.
These are several examples of qualities, characteristics and behaviors that might be telling you to proceed with caution in this relationship. Ask questions, explore, check it out and be sure to trust your instincts. If something seems not quite right it probably isn’t. Get some feedback by running your concerns by a trusted friend. Perhaps submit your questions /concerns to our blog and get feedback from us and your fellow readers.
What have you learned from hindsight? Please post your comments!













