Boy Talk, Girl Talk – What’s the Difference?
Okay, let’s admit it, girls and guys do want the same thing, usually that is, but for some reason we hit a wall when it comes to talking about relationships. Case in point, “my friend” asked me “Why do guys draw a blank when you ask them “What do you think about us?” I reply, “Usually they think it’s a set-up question and say, “Uhh, I think we’re good.” And then he changes the subject, or the TV channel, end of conversation. So there is a difference between the way girls talk and the way guys talk.
Guy Talk
If you are a girl and want to get through to your boyfriend about something important you need to be calm, matter of fact, and specific. The more emotional you become the more he will shut down and tune out. A question like “What are thinking about us and our relationship?” will confuse your guy and will not get any kind of answer you want. Be calm and specific and brief. For example, if you want to know whether he sees a future for the two of you then ask him specifically that and you should get a yes or no answer which is what you want. If you get more than that then that would be a bonus.
Don’t beat around the bush or drop hints. If you aren’t getting to the point quickly enough not only will he lose interest but also you will also not come across as confident in yourself or your own voice.
After you the response you want, move on to a different topic. If you do this he will be reassured that not every serious conversation will drag on and will be more likely to be open to serious conversations in the future.
Girl Talk
If you are a guy and want to talk to your girlfriend about something that’s important to you it’s okay to show emotion and express your feelings. Girls do like it when they’re significant others talk about their feelings about them and the future so talk away!
If you’re girlfriend looks upset i.e., angry try avoid the temptation to ask, “What’s wrong?” This is where a lot of guys get into trouble. Usually the response you will get is “nothing” and that is probably not true. If you push, that “nothing” will become louder and angrier. It’s weird, we know it, but it is what we do and we are working on it! Instead of asking, “what’s wrong?” ask, “How are you feeling?” This will allow your girlfriend to open up about what she is feeling in that moment and will also tell her that you aren’t trying to “fix” the problem but merely care about what she is experiencing at that moment. And be careful not to assume it’s about you. It could be a bad day at work, or problems with a friend so just open the door to let your girlfriend talk about what she is feeling at that moment. Then, don’t try to fix it and whatever you do, don’t tell her that she shouldn’t feel that way or that “everything will be okay.” Typically guys like to fix things and girls often like to process their feelings without necessarily looking for a “fix” so don’t offer a solution unless she asks for one. Just listen and validate. Say things like “I understand how that can make you feel” even if you don’t understand completely say it anyway. This will show her that you are listening to her and sympathetic to her emotions and sometimes that alone is all a girl wants.
The goal is for both guy and girl to be able to talk and to be heard by one another in order to make the most of their relationship.
Tags: boyfriend, communicating, conversation, dating, girlfriend, talk, tips