Why Do My Boyfriends Seem to Always Marry Someone Else?
Why does it always seem like I’m the one who “make’s my boyfriend into Mr. Right” for some other girl? Does it seem like you are asking yourself this question on more than one occasion? Does it seem like you are always the one in a long term relationship, going through a break-up after your guy says “I’m not ready for a commitment” only to see him a few months later getting married to someone else? If so, you aren’t alone, believe me. The reasons why this happens can be a little blurry but if we think about it we might discover a pattern so that we don’t feeling completely at the mercy of cupid’s wrath!
First of all, did you really want him to be “Mr. Right (for you that is) anyway?” If not then you should consider the fact that if you weren’t wanting something permanent then what were you getting out of the relationship? If you were the one that ended it then the point is moot but what if you weren’t the one to end it? If you were in it for a good time and not a long time then maybe this was the message you gave without realizing it and that’s why it eventually ended, because it was bound to anyway. Sometimes the messages we send in relationships are unconscious and what we want or even fear comes out in our actions. For example, if we are fearful of a commitment based upon relationship history or other “baggage” you may be distant in your current relationship. If you are overly afraid of abandonment, again probably due to history, that too can come out in your present relationship as clingy, possessive, etc. and that too can push your partner away.
If you did want it to last maybe the two of you just weren’t a good match. That doesn’t mean you weren’t a good match for the short-term it just means that it wasn’t meant to be forever. Not every relationship is meant to last a lifetime, even the good ones. If only bad relationships ended in break-ups then quite honestly there would never be a term like “first love” or “the loves of my life” or “summer romance” etc.
Maybe you were “too good at being a good girlfriend.” Allow me to explain: you say you aren’t going to change him, but try you do! You decide that he needs a different wardrobe so you ever so-slowly buy him new clothes or take him shopping. You then teach him the art of chivalry, talking about his feelings, validating yours etc. and even as he protests your help you subtly work your magic. Well, your magic can work too well, and magically sends him walking – walking into the waiting arms of some other well-deserving bride-to-be. Congratulations you just made your boyfriend into a wonderful husband for someone else, and where’s your thank-you card?
Whatever the reason for the pattern it still can sting when you get that call from either your ex or one of your well-wishing friends, or even an update on Facebook that says “I’m getting married!” First of all, as an aside, you should always “de-friend” your ex to prevent updates that you aren’t prepared for from happening, and being friends with your ex can be risky anyway. But once the bell is rung it can’t be un-rung so suck it up sister and think to yourself, “Maybe there is another wonderful woman out there right now preparing her boyfriend to be my Mr. Right! (we love good karma!)