How Do I Tell My Date Something Very Personal About Me?
You are on cloud 9! You have met someone great, enjoyed several AMAZING dates, and you can tell he/she really likes you too. The thought “this could be the one” has occurred to you. You feel things progressing forward. Everything is perfect, right? Wrong! Nagging at the back of your mind is that sensitive subject you need to bring up sooner versus later, before things get too serious. It’s that very personal something about you that you always struggle with when is it the “right” time to share. This might be something like you have HPV or herpes, or you have a mental illness for which you take medication and/or see a therapist. It has occurred to me to write about this subject because several people have shared it is a struggle to broach such subjects.
For example, one individual told me he shies away from dating anyone new so he can avoid telling a potential girlfriend that he has herpes. He maintains a less than ideal dating relationship with someone he knows isn’t really right for him because she knows he has herpes and was very accepting of him when he told her about it. Long-term, this type of arrangement is going to leave this person feeling very dissatisfied in the relationship and it is clearly getting in the way of him of meeting someone who would potentially be a better match. Another individual shared she keeps it a secret that she sees a therapist and takes medication. This individual has kept this under wraps for quite some time and is in a serious, committed relationship. She is worried about her boyfriend’s reaction and feels it is better not to tell him. Because of this she is often in the position of lying about where she is going. She is running the risk of her boyfriend being very upset one day when he eventually finds out somehow. He might feel betrayed or feel she is hiding other important information from him. In addition, she is robbing herself of the opportunity of having his support in this area of her life.
These are difficult subjects to approach in a dating relationship but overall it is better to be honest. Honesty is the best foundation for a successful relationship. Also, keeping something a secret gives the impression that it is something negative you are “hiding” and can make it bigger than it needs to be. Often the fear of sharing this sensitive something is worse than actually saying it out loud. Here are some suggestions to help you down this path.
Be sure to wait until after at least 3 or 4 dates, let the relationship develop enough so that you feel pretty confident it is going to continue. No sense in sharing this with someone you are only marginally interested in and are probably going to stop dating anyway.
Remember that the two of you are interested in each other for a multitude of reasons. What you are going to share does not negate any of your positive qualities and characteristics. This is just one part of you that is important for your partner to know. Put yourself in his/her shoes and more than likely you would want to know.
Be prepared. Gather some facts about what it is you are going to share so you can provide accurate information and answer questions.
Don’t be melodramatic. This is not a confession or a lecture. Avoid using primarily negative terms and references. Be sure to give the positives like your condition is treatable and progress you have made. It will be very encouraging to your date to know you have been symptom free for 3 years!
Run this through with a trusted friend who already knows your situation. Get a little feedback about how you come across so you can put your best foot forward in this conversation.
Avoid certain situations – on your way to your first romantic get-away, in a party or bar scene, after consuming a significant amount of alcohol or just before you are going to be sexually intimate. Consider a mellow evening at home, a quiet table at a low-key restaurant or coffee house or while taking a walk.
How have you shared something sensitive or very personal with a potential girlfriend/boyfriend? Please share your experiences! You will be helping a lot of individuals who struggle with this situation.
Tags: boyfriend, conversations, Dating Tips, girlfriend, relationship advice