So it’s a Friday night at Albertsons and I’m picking up a few dinner items after work when I notice to guys looking worriedly at the rows of flowers on Aisle 11. I feel for them because one is trying earnestly to help the other pick out the right “bouquet” for his date, tonight of course, and they really have no idea what they are doing, but they do look very concerned. And why you ask? Well because they know that we women have “flower rules” and most guys are aware there are rules, but don’t have any idea what those rules are. There is a lot on the line. So I go over and offer to help without being asked and they graciously accept my help. I give them a quick crash course in the meaning behind the flower given to a girl, and the do’s and don’ts when it comes to girls and flowers. As they listened attentively, and even appeared a little perplexed, they received the information and made the appropriate choice which was a bunch of wild flowers (perfect for a first date). Since I realized the information might be of benefit also to our male readers that information will now be shared with all of you guys out there who have been, or will be in the position at some point in time, lost in the flower section of Albertson’s on a Friday night:

Let’s start with the most common flower given on a date, the rose. The red rose sends a message alright. In pure basic terms a red rose says that you love her and have serious intentions regarding your relationship. If you don’t feel this way, skip the red rose, seriously. The deeper the red the more love and romantic the message.

If she is only a friend then the yellow rose is much more appropriate. Plain and simple, the yellow rose sends a message of friendship.

A white rose signifies purity and innocence. Both yellow and white are perfect in platonic relationships, however, a yellow rose can sometimes indicate a more serious friendship than a white rose.

A word on carnations — almost the same rules apply as the roses. Red signifies romantic love, yellow and white kindness and friendship (thinking of you) and white is purity (unless combined with others in a spring bouquet.

Daisies and wildflowers are perfect for a new relationship. They are bright and beautiful and signify the start of something new and fresh.

You really can’t go wrong with tulips, or orchids, however, the girl or guy (especially a girl) will know that you spent a nice amount of money on her if you send her a bouquet of orchids so keep that message in mind.

One last word on the presentation of flowers. Sending flowers sends a different message than delivering. If you are in a serious relationship then by all means send or deliver your girlfriend or wife flowers. But, if you are just “pals” with no intention of taking the relationship further, avoid sending your girl flowers. Women work with women, and women talk about everything. The first thing women say when another women gets flowers at work is “Oh my god, he must LOVE you!” so if you don’t want to send that message, then don’t have your flowers delivered

As always, please share your thoughts or ideas and experiences with our readers!

So the summer is coming to end “sigh” and you are possibly freaking out and why? Because you have had great fun your new mate and are thinking “Will it end when the summer does? Will he or she stick around after Labor Day? Yikes! Hold your horses! You don’t need to start stressing out. Assume some control and recognize that the one thing that we all love about summer is that it is relaxing and hopefully less stressful. Just because the summer is ending doesn’t mean your relationship is as well. Unless you know for sure i.e., one of you is moving away, lives somewhere else etc. we can’t assume that the close of the summer signals the close of the romance. Here are some tips to keep your relationship moving in a positive and relaxed pace and to put things in perspective:

Tip 1. Be active in planning activities to do and events to go to in the fall. Stick with planning to do the things you like to do so that, if for some reason, things don’t work out for you and your new mate at the very least you will have plans to have fun.

Tip 2. When making plans for the fall consider buying an extra ticket (provided it’s not too costly) and as and the date of the event gets closer ask your mate if he or she would like to join you. If not you can still ask a friend or colleague, or can sell the ticket if you’re comfortable going solo.

Tip 3. Maintain a relaxed and calm summer attitude. Try to be present and have fun and avoid thinking and talking about things like going back to work, shorter days in the fall, obligations, etc. The more “present” you are the more fun you will have plus the more aware you will be when it comes to deciding if your mate is long term material.

Tip 4. Keep communication about expectations or no-expectations open without going overboard when it comes to “commitment talk.” Try to keep your feelings in check and your anxiety at bay and communicate about how much you are enjoying your time together and whether or not it feels right to continue that “time together” a little longer than summer.

Tip 5. Make sure that the two of you are on the same page. If this is truly a summer only romance for you try to make that very clear to your partner. If he or she seems to be looking for more you owe it to both of you to speak up about your desire to keep it short and sweet. The converse is also true. If it seems like you are starting to have more “long-term intentions” or “feelings” for him or her then pay attention to the messages you are getting from your mate to make sure that you both are wanting the same thing. If the messages seem unclear then you may have to speak up before you get hurt.

Whether it’s a summer fling or a long-term romance remember to appreciate the time you have together in the summer. The days are longer, the weather is warmer, work seems lighter (for most) and fun is everywhere so enjoy!

For decades single people have placed personal ads in magazines and newspapers all over the world, and have described themselves in less than 25-50 words, which can be a little tough. Now this is different from online dating where you create a profile; the personal ad is placed in a actual newspaper or magazine and is designed to be brief and succinct much like an ad selling an item. Needless to say it can be rather daunting to try to describe yourself in so few words, but it is necessary, and we can help you design the perfect personal ad to get yourself noticed.

Tip 1. Find a literary location. The key to a valuable personal ad can be location, location, location. A newspaper such as “The OC Weekly” in Orange County California is a smaller publication with an audience of people who are very demographically similar, while an ad in the “Orange County Register” which is larger daily newspaper will make your ad more visible to a much larger population.

Tip 2. Decide if you want to spend money on your ad and how much. Typically online personals which are newspapers online are free to post. However hard copy newspapers generally do charge a fee either by word or by line, so maybe both options would work for you.

Tip 3.
 Think about placing more than one ad, in more than one publication and tailor your ad according the publication in which it is presented. An ad in a local paper that shares ad space with social clubs would be a good venue to have your personal ad be a little more light and casual. However, an ad in say “The New York Post” might suggest something more straight forward and to the point.

Tip 4. Learn the language used for either dating online or through a personal ad. There are many acronyms used that you need to be aware of and use in order to not only be current but also to save money and ad space. For example, SWF and SWM may be obvious acronyms for single white female/male but some may not be so obvious. STR and LTR stand for short term and long term relationship respectively. Look for more acronyms online before you write your ad.

Tip 5. Write a catchy headline that will grab the attention of possible partners. Although the content is about you the headline can be about the type of person you are looking for. For example, “Looking to meet that special person whose passion is to travel and see the world.” A statement like that is general but specific and sparks interest, but only in those who share the same passion as you. If it seems like the responses you get are not specific enough for the person you are looking for then cast your net a little smaller and make your headline more specific.

Be patient. Personal ads might take a little longer to illicit a response versus online dating but the payoff can be worth it!

We don’t really need to know “why” men and women tend to communicate differently in relationships all we need to know is that they do, and for the most part both genders can say essentially the same things but in different ways.

For example, take “Sarah” and “John” (names changed for obvious reasons). Sarah and John have been dating for a few months and Sarah asks John a very common girl question “How do you feel about our relationship?” John is a little confused by the question he views as pretty broad and answers “I feel fine.” Now Sarah becomes irritated with this response because she feels that he didn’t really answer that question and she replies by asking John “Other than just fine, how else do you feel about US?” Now John just views this question as a repeat of the original question and wonders why she didn’t like his first response. He assumes maybe he just chose the wrong word so he now replies “I feel good about us.” Now John is satisfied with his response but Sarah is irritated and now John is confused, and both of them are now frustrated.

If this situation sounds familiar you are not alone. It’s pretty common for men and women to miscommunicate when it comes to describing their wants, feelings, and possible feedback with their partner. In Sarah ‘s case she needs to understand that most men need to know more specific information, ie. the bottom line. Sarah’s question is very broad and only another woman would completely understand it, but not a man. What Sarah is really asking is “Do you see a future for us? Do you feel like you are committed to this relationship on a long term basis or are you thinking that this is as serious as it is going to get?” But John has no idea that Sarah is asking all of that in her one question so really he answers the basic question without reading between the lines, which is “I feel fine.” For guys there is nothing between the lines, and that’s the bottom line.

In addition, if you ask a guy “So what are you thinking about?” you will probably freak him out because in truth he is probably thinking about something random and doesn’t want to say that because he knows you are asking for a different, more profound response, and he doesn’t have one. So just avoid that question altogether. You probably want some kind of answer that sounds like “I’m thinking about how happy I am at this very moment with you.” When relationships are going well guys don’t talk about “how good they are going” they only speak up if there is a problem; judge his “thoughts about the relationship” by his actions. When guys are happy in a relationship they really don’t talk about it, so his silence is a good sign, it’s golden. Women are the opposite; we talk about almost everything so if you are thinking “you are happy at this very moment with him” then say it.

So in Sarah’s situation, or really for any women it would be wise for her to break down the questions one by one and then ask each one individually. Allow for your mate to think and process it before moving on. Keep in mind that the bottom line is what you want to stick to otherwise you may overwhelm him with talk about feelings, and not everything needs to be discussed in one relationship conversation.

In John’s situation, or for any man talking to a woman about feelings, the relationship, or possibly any serious content related conversation try to listen with your heart. What this means is that even though there may be a problem presented doesn’t mean that your mate wants it fixed. Just listen empathetically and allow her talk and maybe even vent. Venting, for guys who don’t know this, is a common way that women just open share their thoughts and feelings without wanting to resolve anything. The resolve is just allowing oneself to speak openly and have another person listen without judgment or problem solving. It may be helpful, if a guy can’t tell whether or not he is needed to provide a solution, if he asks his mate whether she is venting or wants help problem solving.

Hopefully these are some helpful guidelines for all men and women in relationships speak more comfortably with one another with more understanding of the differences and similarities in both sexes.

So this is my first hand recap of a little bit of dating history and mistakes I’ve made throughout my entire life of dating. I did have to learn the hard way, unfortunately, but ended up exactly where I wanted to be, in a happy and loving marriage to a wonderful guy. But the road wasn’t easy and I’m here to help all of you girls or guys out there try to avoid the same mistakes or “roadblocks” I couldn’t avoid.

Mistake #1. In one of my somewhat-serious relationships I convinced myself that I could change “Mr. Right” if I tried hard enough. Because I thought I knew him better than he knew himself and I also believed that we were “meant to be” then even if he put forth the effort I was bound to make it work (after all, we were meant to be right?) WRONG. We weren’t meant to be because “to be” eventually ended. He became tired of me trying to “better-him” and we had the dreaded conversation of “it’s not you it’s me” sigh.

Mistake #2. Was he cheating, I didn’t think so. Who was I kidding, of course he was. But somehow I convinced myself he wasn’t. I had my suspicions, and went so far as to verify them by accidentally looking through his briefcase where I of course found a card from a woman who was clearly more than a friend. Yes I did confront him, kind of, and he had a plausible explanation, which I really can’t remember but seemed to satisfy me at the time. The second and third times were less satisfying and eventually it ended, sigh.

Mistake #3. Even though he said he didn’t want a commitment he didn’t really mean it. After all, doesn’t he feel the way I feel, our connection, our soul mate “vibe.” Well, he did mean exactly what he said and shockingly our non-committed relationship slowed slipped away.

Mistake #4. He started to pull away and I wasn’t sure whether we were breaking up or not, so I fought harder to hold on. By the way, this just does not work. I think it’s a natural phenomenon that when you feel like you are losing something or it is being taken away we cling on harder even if it’s something we may not really want. The problem is the harder we try to hold on the more that force “or guy” pulls away. In addition, in this specific relationship I waited for closure when I wasn’t going to get any. I didn’t get the message that the reason he wasn’t returning my calls (every time I called him) or the feeling of being blown off was his way of actually breaking it off with me. I figured that unless he actually said “Yes I am breaking up with you?” then we weren’t breaking up. I didn’t want closure, but I felt like I needed it in order to move on. Well it was closed I just couldn’t get it through my head that closure was not something I was going to get and I just needed to get over it and him.

Not to stereotype guys but many guys won’t actually give a girl closure which is what most girls want when it looks like a relationship is doomed. We can’t figure it out “Why doesn’t he just tell me that it’s over??” Well, if he doesn’t then you trying to probe it out of him isn’t going to give you any closure either; you just have to realize that his “avoidance, distance, etc. is indicative of the end. If it walks like a duck then it is a duck and it’s walked away and that’s then end of it.

Well those are some of my most consistent and memorable relationship mistakes that I do recognize and have learned from. I’m sure there are more but thankfully I don’t remember all of the mistakes I made

We probably can’t talk enough about online dating especially in this day and age of electronic communication. Time is valuable and if you want to date better then your time is precious. That being said we have more red flags for you to look out for while you are looking for Mr. or Ms. Right in the cyber-world:

If his or her bio picture looks “out-dated” i.e., clothing might be from the 80’s or 90’s then it is. The same goes for the same picture over and over again. We know that if there is no picture posted then we definitely recommend moving on but we also don’t want someone who has the same picture, or variation of, throughout his or her profile. If you only see a head shot, then what is she or he hiding?

If he or she talks only about what the want in a person versus what they can bring to the relationship then you are in for someone pretty self-absorbed. However, be wary also for the online dater who is full of questions for you but no information about him or her. This can appear to be flattering but it can signal someone who doesn’t want to tell you much about themselves, maybe because they are actually “attached to someone else.”

To the ladies out there: If he hasn’t asked for your phone number and called you after four emails (5 at the most) then blow him off. You are wasting your time with “email guy” if he isn’t worried that another guy will snatch you up and therefore clamoring to get your phone number.

Steer clear of the “winks” but no actually written conversation. If you are just getting a wink then skip him because chances are you are one of many getting winked to. This also applies to the email that reads like a form letter. If you get an email that says something like “Hi! I saw your profile and was intrigued. Tell me more about yourself” then you are probably one of many who are getting someone’s standard intro form letter. Yes some online daters create standard letters to send to multiple people (kind of like fishing) and you don’t want to waste your time, especially if they aren’t spending time to create a personal email that shows interest in you.

If he says he is just looking for a “friend” then move on. No one who is using an online dating service is looking for an actual friend. People make friends elsewhere rather than through a dating service. A guy who says that he is looking for just a friend is using code for “I just want to hook up with no strings attached.”

If you have any additional red flags to share with our readers please do!

Yes it’s true we can learn something from past relationships and actually from our “exes” personally whether we like to believe it or not. Typically relationships are not a waste of time especially if we can acknowledge why we stayed in them, what worked and what didn’t and how to indeed have better relationships in the future.

I like to think that for the most part I have learned a little bit about myself and what I want and what I don’t want from a relationship and because of that I have really enjoyed growing and having a strong rewarding relationship with my significant other (and at this point that person is now my husband).

This is what I have learned:

1. Be yourself. Try to be yourself, flaws and all. A good friend told me many years ago that your true friends love you because of your flaws, not in spite of them and I believe this to be true. If we think about they people that we are closest too, namely our friends, what we tend to love most about them are their weird quirky behaviors and not the fact that they are perfect. Plus, if you play “fake” then you better be prepared to fake it forever otherwise just like in the “Wizard of Oz” when that curtain gets pulled aside your partner is in for quite an awakening and so are you.
2. You don’t have to like all of his friends but you should like the ones he is closest to. Not all of our friends are a reflection of us so you don’t have to love his friends to love him but you should like the ones closest to him after all you will probably be spending some time with them if they are an important part of his life.
3. It’s important to share common interests. If you hate the thought of dirt biking in the desert or going to Lake Havasu and your significant other loves to go every weekend don’t try to convince yourself that you will grow to love it. It won’t happen. If you really want the relationship to work and are willing to put in the effort then compromise and share your activities with each other so that there is balance, but don’t give up what you love in hopes that you will grow to love his interests, it just doesn’t work.
4. Not everything needs to be a debate. I learned this one the hard way. A relationship takes compromise on both parts and if it’s a constant battle then someone is bound to lose.
5. Don’t try to make him jealous. The key to this one is the idea of “trying.” If you feel you have to try to make him jealous then something is wrong. You are either not getting enough attention or feel like he doesn’t appreciate you. Address it head on but if you try to make him jealous with another guy you better be prepared to lose him. He may bail out of the relationship which is the opposite of what you wanted in the first place.

If you have any experiences that you have learned from your ex relationships please share them with us!

“Now it seems to me, some fine things

Have been laid upon your table

But you only want the ones that you can’t get.” Eagles

This is just one line from the famous song by the Eagles “Desperado” but it does sum up the many situations some singles that are dating find themselves in, and I think we’ve all been there. Let’s face it, no one wants to looks desperate or come across as needy or eager to date. Yet both men and women can fall into dating patterns that make them look needy or desperate despite their best efforts to remain confident and secure. Below are some definite signs that you are appearing desperate to your potential mate:

Someone who is desperate is always available. Whenever he or she calls or texts you are ready, willing, and able to get together even if it means canceling the plans you’ve already made.

The desperate dater is the one always-initiating contact. Sometimes one person initiates a little more than the other but if you feel like it is always you initiating the text, the call, etc. then chances are you are acting desperate and you will feel it in your gut.

You minimize all of the poor treatment you receive from the person you are dating. You know that you have things that you want from the person you are dating that are pretty consistent to what other people get but for some reason it’s not happening for you. For example, you never forget his birthday or his gift but he skips right over yours. You rationalize by saying something like “Well he has a lot on his plate right now and it just slipped by him, really it’s not like him so he must be pretty stressed.”

Some who looks desperate is always in agreement with what the other person says or does or wants to do. Whatever your “like interest” wants to do you’re game and you have no ideas of your own, especially if they are different. You don’t want to rock the boat so you just defer to him or her and are up for whatever they want. Caution here, the one thing we hear most people say bugs them in a relationship is being with someone who doesn’t appear to have a mind of their own and never has an opinion i.e. will say something like “I’ll do whatever you want to do, or eat wherever you want to eat…etc.”

The desperate dater feels like he or she is the one who cares more about the person he or she is dating on a constant basis. If you are questioning the level of interest on the other person’s part and feel like you are definitely more “into him or her than he or she is into you” then it’s time to take a closer look at your possibly desperate behaviors and pull back a little.

Now these are just some basics when it comes to dating when desperate but hopefully they can help you take a close look at what you want and what you are doing so that if you need to make changes you can do them quickly to better your dating experience!

Many women, and men for that matter, end up stuck in a relationship that is really not a good one. We talk about the importance of have your “deal breakers” and “relationship requirements” and typically these can be different for different people. However, after talking to many, many singles about what they need in a partner there are several qualities of healthy relationships that are pretty universal; here are our top 5:

1. You bring out the best attributes in one another. You compliment (not necessarily compliment) each other and try to give support without judgment. You don’t compete for attention or compete with one another in a way that can bring one another down. Fun competition is just that, fun. If it becomes more than that then your relationship has a problem.

2. You know that you are at the top of your partner’s list of priorities, or are at least one of two priorities (if he or she has a child that’s usually number one). You are considerate of your partner when it comes to making choices that will affect both of you.

3. You feel safe with one another and trust each other. Jealousy is sparse or at least pretty insignificant and you are considerate of one another’s space without being jealous or second guessing the relationship.

4. You have fun together. You don’t always need other people with the two of you to have a good time. This doesn’t mean that you need to be together 24/7 but when you are together you truly enjoy each other’s company.

5. You share the same basic core values. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you agree on everything but your values and beliefs are in line with one another.

Of course there are many important qualities of a good relationship but these top 5 are a good start!

The phrase “Friends with Benefits” is basically defined as two “pals” or acquaintances that agree either verbally or non-verbally to have sex occasionally with one another without pursuing any kind of “romantic” relationship. The term eludes to casual sex for the sake of convenience and nothing more. The idea is that this provides a “safe, risk-free physical relationship” so that one’s physical needs can be met without anyone getting hurt. But is this really true? Is it risk-free? Are we sure that no one gets hurt? And does one person tend to benefit more than the other? Well we decided to get the guy’s view on this topic as well as the girl’s and see what pros and cons both genders have on the “Friends with Benefits” (FWB) relationship.

First of all here are some of the rules we discovered:

1. No obligation, expectations, or commitment.

2. The relationship is not exclusive and either party can see whomever else they choose because you are just “friends with a perk.”

3. Avoid spending the night and leaving items behind.

4. Be safe, i.e. condoms and forms of birth control.

5. Agree that neither of you are wanting a boyfriend or a girlfriend at this time.

6. Do not date one another. FWB are just that, which means no dating, or courting one another, period.

A common theme we noticed in the majority of women and men we talked to was that the “friends with benefits” situation was one that pretty much all have experienced at least once in their lives.

He Said

The Benefits: No expensive dates including dinners, trips, etc. The rules of the FWB agreement prohibit this, which is a relief for many guys who aren’t looking for a girlfriend.

You don’t have to worry about being accountable to a girl when it comes to how often you spend time with your friends and not with her.

You get the benefit of sex on a more frequent basis than if you didn’t have the FWB relationship without feeling tied down.

You can call her last minute (but be respectful to make it not too much like a booty call) to “hook up” and probably not get the third degree about it.

The Risks: One of you may start having feelings for the other and it isn’t always the girl. When this happens, and it does frequently, things get complicated pretty fast.

Am I being honest with myself? Is this really what I want right now or am I wanting something more with this girl, or just avoiding even the possibility of a commitment with someone else because this seems safer? Even though the FWB situation seems pretty convenient it’s still important to make sure that it is really what you want or if it is a way of avoiding a real relationship. We won’t get into those possible reasons in this posting but it’s safe to say that it is important to evaluate what you really want from this kind of relationship.

She Said

The benefits: The freedom to have sex with someone with whom you feel pretty safe (because you know him) yet aren’t tied down with expectations or risk having to deal with a controlling boyfriend. This can be especially true if you are a girl who has been in a relationship that was controlling or even abusive and the thought of starting another committed relationship is a little scary, yet the biology of hormones and maybe the desire for male companionship is something you want.

The Risks: Simply put “a broken heart.” Like it or not many women find it difficult to separate sex from an emotional connection and typically don’t compartmentalize as easily as men. I know this sounds like a generalization but according to the women we spoke to this was something they all shared in common. Often women find themselves in situations where they think they won’t develop feelings for a guy if they have sex, but all of a sudden something like “intimacy” kicks in and then the bell really can’t be unrung.

Sometimes there may be another girl in the picture and the “friend” finds out, which really should be no big deal because of the FWB rules, but for some reason jealousy can rear it’s ugly head. Even though there is no commitment present our competitive nature can kick in and something that is supposed to be casual and “stress-free” now bugs us.

Again, this one applies to women as well as men: Am I being honest with myself? Is this really what I want right now or am I wanting something more with this guy, or just avoiding even the possibility of a commitment with someone else because this seems safer? Am I kidding myself in thinking that all I want from him is this setup, or am I thinking that if I accept the FWB relationship he will eventually realize what a catch I am and want something more with me? If this is even a remote thought in your mind move on immediately because you are setting yourself up for heartbreak.

General risks that both genders shared in common: It is hard to go back to being “just a friend” once sex has become a part of the relationship. We aren’t quite sure why and we received many possible reasons why this may be true but the bottom line is that going back to being just friends “after sex” can be a real problem.

Please share any feedback or advice you may have with our readers. If you have ever had a “friends with benefits” experience that is any different from the views we found please share your success story with us.