We have given you tips on getting the date, getting the second date, how to recover when it doesn’t work out and much, much more.  I’m going to talk with you now about how to recognize when your guy really doesn’t want to commit to the real-deal, long-term, possibly headed for marriage relationship.  I feel qualified to discuss this topic due to my education and professional experience but truly because of my personal experience with a guy who at times can be called “Peter Pan” because he just isn’t ready to grow up and a different guy who at times can be called “Fabio” because his life comes across a bit like a romance novel.  Think in terms of romance novels – “Harlequin Romances” typically show “Fabio” on the cover.  Peter Pan is perpetually a boy and Fabio is in love with being in love.  Do you know these guys??  Don’t get me wrong, both of these guys are charming and really wonderful in their own way.  It is possible to be seriously involved with either of them and feel and believe you are in a long-term, committed relationship.  They are both capable of loving and remaining faithful.  But, do you hear yourself saying “he has so much boyish charm” or “he is just a hopeless romantic?”  There are just some signs (some subtle and some not) that can tell you he isn’t looking for or isn’t ready for the real-deal, long-term, possibly headed for marriage relationship.

He rarely uses the words “we” or “us.”  He is more independently focused.  He might be “Peter Pan.”

His place still looks a little like a dorm room despite the fact he has been out of college for over 5 years.  He might be “Peter Pan.”

He does not have a savings account.  He might be “Peter Pan.”

He has never even considered getting a dog, starting a retirement plan, or purchasing a home – all things that require serious commitment.  He might be “Peter Pan.”

His idea of a vacation is a group of friends all going to The River or to Vegas to do some serious partying.  It would never occur to him for the two of you to go for example on a romantic weekend wine tasting or skiing.  He might be “Peter Pan.”

He shies away from conversations that are about your future together or anything you might ask along the lines of “so, where do you see us headed?”  To this question the most you might get is “I love you and we are having so much fun together, isn’t that enough?”  You might tend to feel like you are in a holding pattern.  He might be “Peter Pan.”

He showers you with affection and gifts from very early on in the relationship, even before it is a relationship.  This can be flattering, but ask yourself “is this over-kill?”  He might be “Fabio.”

He tells you he has fallen for you, you are his soul-mate and he is in love with you after a very short time dating, like after only dating a few weeks.  He might be “Fabio.”

He quickly comes up with pet names for you, again, after only a few weeks.  He is driven for this connection to be special just a little too quickly.  He might be “Fabio.”

When discussing your relationship history, you find out he has had several fairly long-term relationships, all back-to-back and he was “in love” with all of these women and still gets teary-eyed when thinking back on special moments with them.  He might be “Fabio” and a little creepy I might add!

There are a multitude of special songs, places, foods, phrases, jokes and types of wine that he says he now only associates with you.  Once again, these connections developed extremely quickly and are given more attention than aspects of the relationship that might indicate depth and substance.  He might be “Fabio.”

Keep in mind that one of these characteristics does not a “Peter Pan” or “Fabio” make.  Typically, a true “Peter Pan” or “Fabio” has several of these traits.

Have you dated “Peter Pan” or Fabio?”  Please share your comments!

Nothing says awkward like running into your Ex while with your current date or significant other.  Typically after a break-up we imagine running into our Ex and cringe at the thought.  I think you would agree that you generally hope you won’t ever run into them and are able to dodge that bullet.  Take heart, this is often the case.  Although I have continued to live in generally the same area for a number of years it has been rare that I have run into an Ex.  When we entertain the idea of running into an Ex and you were the dumper, you might imagine seeing your Ex and feeling guilty and compelled to have a longer conversation than desired.  If you were the dumpee, you might imagine the worst case scenario where you tearfully try to get answers to those unanswered questions.  You shutter at the possibility of either of these situations.  Men and women alike secretly hope or even fantasize that if we do (horror of horrors) run into an Ex that we look amazing, are incredibly successful and appear to be having a fabulous time doing whatever we happen to be doing either with a fantastic new main squeeze or an equally fantastic group of friends.  Back to reality friends, this is outside of your control.  You could run into an Ex at the grocery store, at the gym or any number of places.  The odds increase if you live in the same area and it is a small town and the odds decrease dramatically if either of you have moved or you live in a fairly good-sized city.

Here’s an example of running into an Ex that didn’t go very well.  This is based on running into my husband’s ex-girlfriend.  My husband and I were boyfriend and girlfriend at the time, dating for about 3 months.  We were out for a run on a weekend morning with another couple.  Walking toward us on the path was my boyfriend’s Ex!  I saw them make eye contact and my boyfriend stopped.  I hesitated, my boyfriend made no reference to me, looked uncomfortable so I kept going and caught up with our friends.  I did not know her but it seemed pretty obvious she was an Ex.  A few minutes later my boyfriend caught up with us and said that was his Ex who happens to live very close by.  Needless to say my boyfriend was caught off guard, the Ex was extremely uncomfortable and it was just plain awkward.  Later that day, my boyfriend received a voicemail message from his Ex verbally blasting him, accusing him of cheating with me while they were still dating!  This was completely untrue but clearly she was still upset about the break-up.  My boyfriend had not behaved badly but did in fact end their relationship and she was hurt. 

So, you ask, “What do I do if I run into an Ex?”  We have some tips for you so you can feel prepared.  We cannot guarantee how your Ex will behave, that is outside of your control and of course ours.  You do however have control over your own behavior.

Be the first to say hello.  If you were the dumper this will speak to your integrity.  If you were the dumpee you will come across as confident and strong.

If you are with a date or significant other, be sure to introduce them right away.  It’s not necessary to say, “this is my new girlfriend (fill in name)” simply introduce them by name.  I’m sure your Ex will be able sort this out on their own.  If your Ex is with a date, be sure to acknowledge their date.

Keep the conversation brief.  This will reduce the awkwardness and the risk of stirring up old feelings such as anger or sadness.  Do not bring up old issues!  There is no point – more than likely if you have run into your Ex unexpectedly you are not in an appropriate place to have such a conversation anyway.  If you or you Ex are with a date/significant other, we hope this goes without saying, but most definitely, a long discussion is out of the question.

When your Ex asks how things are going in your life, share something positive.  Make sure it is true because getting caught in a lie will only be humiliating later.

Whatever you do, be sure to remain calm. Do not flip out, scream, cry or yell.  This will only leave you feeling embarrassed later.  And, talk about awkward if you or your Ex is with a date/significant other!

Have you run into an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend?  What was your experience?  Please share!

In a way, when you are re-entering the dating scene after a long break from dating or after ending a marriage or long-term relationship, it is a little like looking for a job after being out of work for a period of time.  You might feel concerned about “gaps in your resume” so to speak.  You might be wondering how to answer questions like “do you date a lot?” or “have you been married?” or “when was your last relationship?”  These questions can feel tough to answer when you are not ready to divulge your whole story, and saying you haven’t actually dated in a couple years feels awkward.  Not knowing how to answer questions such as these can become so anxiety producing it can keep you from moving forward with dating.  It might just seem easier to avoid dating altogether.  From a purely practical perspective, the longer you avoid dating the longer those gaps in your “resume” will be.  The longer you avoid something because of anxiety the more anxiety will build up around what you are avoiding.  Make sense?  In other words, the fear you have related to re-entering the dating scene is likely to be more intense than what you will feel when actually dating.  Let us also say you are allowed to begin dating again and move forward with your life!  Now that we have given you permission, please do the same for yourself and read on as we give you the tips and tools you need to start this process.

Keep it casual. You don’t need to focus on finding love or finding your soul mate. Your best approach in the beginning is to get comfortable with being more social again. Start with broadening your social circle. Let your close friends know you are open to meeting new people. Consider joining some social groups for men and women that have activity based events where you can meet others with similar interests. This would be a great time to take a class of interest to you with a good mix of men and women such as golf lessons, wine tasting, or ballroom dancing. As your comfort level builds with interacting with new people you will warm up to the idea of going on one-on-one dates.

Be positive! Generally speaking, a positive attitude tends to draw people toward you and a negative attitude will push others away. Know that some dates will not lead to a second date. This is normal! It does not mean you are a failure. Each date you go will build your confidence and provide you with dating practice.

If it has been a significant length of time since you have dated you are going to see that the dating scene has changed. Online dating for example might be completely foreign to you. Talk with friends about the best sites and do your own research. Please read our blogs on online dating and dating safety – you will find the tips you need related to navigating web-based dating! Chat with your single friends about their experiences and get some tips on writing a great profile and posting the best pictures.

Don’t open Pandora’s Box! When you do go on a date with someone new there is no need to get into your whole story. This can get really sticky, unravel and head south very quickly if you are not careful. When asked “do you date a lot?” you can simply say “I try to keep a good balance of spending time with friends and family and dating” or “I enjoy dating on the weekends as well as doing other things. My career keeps me busy too.” If you are asked “have you been married?” and you have, be honest, but leave the baggage at home. You can respond with “yes, for 5 years.” This is not the time to get into the gory details of your divorce and what a “bleep bleep bleep” your Ex is. If someone pushes you for details and it’s unlikely they will, you can refocus the conversation by saying “I really want to spend our date getting to know each other” and then ask him/her a question about their personal interests.

Check out the resources in our blog! There are several blog posts with great tips on dating, such as dating safety, internet dating, first date ideas, texting and dating, male and female communication differences and the best places to meet other singles just to name a few. We recommend you go through our archives for each month and check out the different topics that might be helpful to you.

Now, take a deep breath, stand up straight and head out into the world with the attitude that says “I’m a great catch and you would be lucky to date me!”  Confidence is one of the most attractive qualities and is definitely more likely to attract others to you than telling yourself “I’m a relationship failure.”

Have some of you re-entered the dating scene after a long hiatus or after ending a long-term relationship?  Please post your comments!

You and your sweetie have been dating exclusively for a year.  You have uttered the 3 scariest words in the English language – I love you – and you seem to spend all of your time together.  You would even venture to say that you feel your sweetie is your best friend.  Does this mean the next step is to move in together?  This subject of cohabitation can evoke very strong emotions and opinions depending on if you are the guy or the girl, the friends of the guy or the girl or the family of the guy or the girl.  It’s important to recognize that there is more to moving in together than “we love each other and spend all our time together anyway.”  Moving in together is a major lifestyle change!  We are going to help you navigate the best way to make this decision, including some of the differences for men and women regarding this potential relationship milestone.
A lot of people do live together these days saying they want to do this “first” prior to engagement or marriage.  It’s certainly easy to feel a significant amount of pressure to move in together feeling like that is a natural progression in a dating relationship or that is what you “should do” especially if you are considering engagement or marriage.  Conversely, you might feel pressure not to move in together based on the age old adage “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.”  Mixed messages, great, huh?!
It is important to recognize that there isn’t a hard and fast rule of what you must do.  What’s important is to sort out what is the best decision for you and your main squeeze.  There are some good questions to ask yourselves in conversations together as well as in your own honest soul-searching.

What is the real reason of moving in together?  Is the focus that you just want to be together all the time?  Are you interested in having the experience of co-habitation without the commitment of marriage?  Is your desire to share your living arrangements based on saving money?  There is a lot to consider here.  Be honest with yourself as well with one another so that you are on the same page and come to a decision that is in both of your best interests.  Proceed with caution if the main motivation seems to be financial versus the potential emotional gains and desire to share more experiences.

Have you lived with a boyfriend/girlfriend previously?  What went well?  What was difficult for you? Why did you end that situation?  What would you do differently?  This is a great discussion to have with your current love.  Explore and share with each other because you will learn a lot about your partner and what is motivating his/her desire to move in together.  You may also discover reservations you or they might be having.

What are your expectations?  Are you expecting your boyfriend to want to get engaged after he has experienced how wonderful it is to live with you?  This is not a great reason to move in together!  It is based on an expectation that your boyfriend may not be intending or prepared to meet which is a recipe for disaster.  Do you expect your girlfriend to do all the housework?  Again, this is a recipe for disaster.  Be sure to address these subjects prior to signing a lease!

What does moving in together truly mean to each of you?  Do you see moving in together as a natural progression of a relationship after dating for a certain length of time?  Does it represent a higher level of commitment to you?  This is another great discussion for you and your boyfriend/girlfriend so that you can find out if you are on the same page.  Most of us attach some type of meaning to “living together.”

What are your ideas about how to handle finances?  Split everything 50/50?  He covers the rent and you cover everything else?   What if you go out?  Is it still a date where he picks up the tab or is it different now that you live together?  What if one of you makes significantly more money than the other?  What’s the approach going to be if one of you loses their job?  Hmmm, this could get pretty tangled up if you don’t hash it out ahead of time.  One of the topics couples fight about the most is money so be careful here.  Be clear, honest and up front BEFORE you make the decision to move in together.

My experience you ask?  What’s my opinion about living together?  Well, I moved in with one boyfriend after two years of dating.  We had lengthy conversations about marriage, and the plan was we were moving in that direction.  We broke up, but living together was what really helped me see why a life-long relationship with this person wasn’t going to work.  Based on that, I feel that although the relationship ended it was a good decision to move in together.  My husband and I did not live together prior to marriage and it was a conscious decision not to.  We decided that if were ready to live together we were probably ready to get married and felt that living together might lead to getting complacent and just prolong the dating process and put off marriage.  We truly saw eye to eye on that.  So, having said all of that, I guess you can see that I could argue both sides . . . perhaps moving in with my former boyfriend was a way of putting off marriage because maybe we both knew in our heart of hearts that this wasn’t going to be a “forever” relationship?  Well, we will never know . . .

What have your experiences been with living with a romantic partner?  Please share your comments!

Spring is the time for love, or so they say.  Let’s face it, there is a reason there are the phrases like Spring fever, Love is in the air and Love Springs Eternal.   It’s because this happens to be the season that is known to be synonymous with love.  Spring can truly be a time for new beginnings.  We see it all around us in nature.  Now that the sun is shining we see signs of new life – flowers are blooming, trees are getting their leaves back, the air smells fresh after months of rain, gardens are flourishing and lots of people see this as a time to get moving and active as well as start new projects.  In the animal world springtime is seen as a time for love in terms of mating, but with animals this is instinctual because it is when food is abundant.  With humans, although some may act like they are “in heat,” it is quite different.

As soon as the weather warms up we are ready to change our appearance – sandals versus boots, spaghetti straps versus long sleeves, shorts versus jeans, and no jackets.  We are tired of being covered up and ready for the world (i.e. other singles) to see us.

Generally in the sunshine people look more attractive.  We get a little color back in our faces, our skin looks healthier and our hair looks shinier.  We tend to get more active so we do present as healthier and more attractive.

People tend to be in a better mood when the sun is shining.  Maybe we are a little low in vitamin D during the winter months?  Anyway, people tend to smile more and they aren’t in a hurry to get in out of the cold.  We tend to be more energetic and positive during the sunny months while in the winter we are a bit more sluggish.

We certainly have a lot of information backing up why love is in the air in springtime.  So, you ask, how do I capitalize on this?  We are going to tell you of course!

Take this as an opportunity for spring cleaning. No, we don’t mean steam clean your carpet and wash your windows. This is a great time for a new haircut, a great new shirt or a spring dress.

Start a new home or garden project. This will get you out at nurseries and home improvement stores where you might encounter other singles doing the same thing.

Get a bike, rollerblades, take up running or go for a hike. Any type of outdoor activity is going to get you interacting with other active singles. What’s a better way to meet people then doing something outdoors that you enjoy?! So skip the indoor treadmill and head out into the sunshine.

Is there somewhere outdoors near where you work where you can have lunch? Some outside time during your lunch break or other break-time gets you out of the office and creates more opportunities to meet other professionals in a relaxed environment. Perhaps there is a park near your office or an outdoor café.

Plan a barbeque and have each guest bring an unattached friend. Be sure to mix it up well with guys and girls. This type of casual, outdoor get-together while the days are getting longer is the perfect way to set the stage for romance.

Has spring been the time for love or like for you?  Please share your stories!

Do women often describe you as a “really nice guy” or a great “guy friend?”  Are the women who you find attractive often dating your friends?  Do women confide in you about their problems with other men they are dating? Have you found out that your sexual orientation was called into question by a woman you went out with and you are 100% straight?!  Listen, it’s great to be a person of integrity and to have the qualities of a solid friend but I’m guessing you don’t want to be celibate or stay single forever.  Dude, you have to make a move!

When you meet a woman for the first time, it is important to get the message across that you are boyfriend or at least date material.  First impressions are important.  You’ve got to find the balance here so you don’t come across as too safe (puts you in the friend category) or too aggressive (might be seen as sleazy or desperate).  Compliment her about something specific like her smile or her eyes.  Avoid using descriptive words like cute, sweet, sexy and great.  Go with beautiful, captivating or mesmerizing. 

Be sure to initiate some fun conversation with her.  Use some humor and a little sarcasm to create a special connection with her.  Joke with her, tease her a little, and make playful innuendos.  This type of banter takes you out of the flat, boring, formal interactions that you would have with a coworker or an acquaintance.  When you have your first phone call with her you can continue building this rapport.

Don’t whine or complain about past relationships or dates.  If you treat this woman like your mom or your therapist she is not going to view you as a potential date.  In addition, don’t become the guy she starts sharing guy problems with.  If she initiates this kind of topic, subtly yet quickly suggest a new topic or say something like “that’s sounds like it was a tough situation, I’m sure one of your girlfriends will have some great advice for you.”  If you aren’t careful you will end up in the friend zone for sure!

Let her know you have a life.  If she asks “what are you up to tomorrow?” be sure to have some plans to reference and then if you are interested in her, ask her for a date for a different day/time.  Women like men who are assertive and who are socially confident. 

You don’t always need to agree – don’t walk on eggshells, respectfully state your opinion even if it is different than hers.  This is a recipe for interesting conversation, not disaster and it again demonstrates confidence which is very attractive.  Always responding with “I totally agree” makes you seem like a doormat and in all honesty boring.

Keep in mind that not every woman you meet is going to be attracted to you.  Despite your best efforts you may end up getting the friend card.  It’s really okay; everyone has that experience at one time or another.  Dating is after-all a bit of a numbers game.  Dust yourself off, remember these tips and approach someone new.  More than likely your odds are better off with someone new as opposed to trying to get out of the friend zone with someone and trying to get back into the romantic zone.

Please share your experiences and comments!

There are different views of the significance of New Year’s Eve.  Some see it as a new beginning, a fresh start while others see it as a time to reflect over the past year.  Aside from the philosophical aspect, some see New Year’s Eve as a time to celebrate; while others see it as a glaring reminder they are unhappily single.  Which view you take really depends on your attitude.  You can approach New Year’s Eve with confidence and enjoy yourself or you can curl up in a ball on your sofa using Ben and Jerry’s or booze as salve to your wounds and let it pass on by.  I highly recommend option #1 over #2 as #2 will quite possibly leave you feeling pretty crummy come New Year’s Day.  Having said that, here are some options to ring in the New Year if you are single and start 2010 on a positive note:

Introverts:

A small intimate gathering is right of up your ally whether you are a guy or a girl.  Contact a few of your closest friends (all guys, all girls or a mix) and host a get-together.  Ask each guest to bring something to share as far as food and drinks, or perhaps if you are into cooking you can all make something together.  There is also the option of ordering out.  Pick take out from several kinds of places and have an International night!  Start with chips and salsa, move on to won ton soup and egg rolls and then have some sushi or pasta.  If you are all into board games then make it a game night.  Maybe poker night fits for you or possibly a movie night or spa night.  As you can see there are many ways to spend the evening with a close group of friends.  This is a great chance to get to know these friends even better.  You can also compare notes about the dating scene – perhaps your friends have tried some approaches to dating that have been successful and they can share their secrets!  

If you decide to spend the evening alone, be sure you are clear that it was a choice.  You can determine whatever will feel relaxing and positive for you.  Perhaps choose a favorite meal or treat, watch a marathon of favorite movies, read that novel you’ve been meaning to get to or maybe write New Year’s cards to your close friends.  This can be a good time to reflect over what has gone well in the previous year and what some of your goals, hopes and dreams are for 2010.

Extroverts:

You are comfortable with and enjoy large social gatherings and meeting new people.  The perfect place for you might be one of the big New Year’s Eve bashes held at many restaurants, clubs and hotels.  Check online and you are sure to find listings for New Year’s Eve parties with food, drinks, music and dancing that sometimes have as many as hundreds of people – including singles.  Choose a venue that caters to your taste in food and music as well as age group.  Some of these events are pretty formal, so put on a tux or a gorgeous gown and dance your way into 2010.  It’s likely you have another single friend and this could be fun to go together.  Be sure to work the room and you never know who you might be standing face-to-face with at the stroke of midnight!

Another option is a singles event.  What a terrific opportunity to meet new people!  I guarantee if you search online you will find some hotels and restaurants hosting singles parties on New Year’s Eve.  Grab a friend and check out one of these events.  Since you are an extrovert you are probably itching to be out on New Year’s Eve and with a big, social group.  This is a way to make that happen and it’s a great way to meet some potential dates for 2010.

You’ve got a about a week until New Year’s Eve so get cracking on your plans and ring in 2010 in the way of your choosing knowing you will have not just a good time but a great time!

Please post your comments!

The holidays can be pretty confusing when you are dating someone new.  On one hand you may feel excited about the prospect of someone to share the holidays with, but on the other hand you’re unsure how to approach things like gifts, invitations to family gatherings and office parties and if you will spend New Year’s Eve together.  You have visions of embarrassing conversations that include “umm, I, well, I didn’t know you were getting me a gift,” and awkward family gatherings where Grandma calls your new squeeze by your last girlfriend’s name.  It’s easy to get caught up in the confusion, stress out and then miss out on the fun part.  Before you embark on this festive time with your new like/love interest, take a little time to evaluate where you think this fledgling relationship is now and where you would like it to go.  This assessment will help you figure things out like gifts and whether or not you invite him or her to a holiday party.  If you have decided things are going well with your new relationship (if you are even calling it that yet!) and you would like to continue seeing this person as the New Year unfolds then here’s how to have a fun, romantic holiday season.

Gifts:  Yes, you should get a gift.  You do really like this person and this is the season of giving.  Since this is a new relationship (3 months or less), don’t go overboard on the amount of money you spend.  Make it something personal that shows you have been paying attention.  If she loves going to yoga class then get her a pass at her favorite studio for a couple of classes or a stylish bag for her mat.  If he is an avid golfer, consider getting him a nice golf shirt.  The idea here is to show you put some thought into gift and to send the message that you see your date as someone special.

Family gatherings:  Be aware of the message it sends when inviting and accepting invitations to meet someone’s family.  This can come across a little too serious like “come over on Christmas and meet your future family.”  Present it as low-key, light and festive.  If possible, include a few other friends so it isn’t just you and your family and your date.  Be careful with introductions like “mom, this is the girl I’ve been telling you about” which is awkward.  If your coupling is not yet defined then stick with “mom, this is Susan.”  This is not the time to use the term “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” for the first time!  Avoid “this is my friend, Susan” because this could get you into trouble later when she interprets it to mean you are just friends.  Keep it simple!  If you have accepted an invitation to your date’s family gathering don’t go empty handed – be sure to bring a bottle of wine, a bouquet of flowers, chocolates or fresh baked goods.

Holiday parties with friends or co-workers:  Many of the same guidelines apply from the tips about family gatherings.  If it is your company holiday party or a party hosted by friends, be sure to tell your date about the attire as you want them to feel comfortable.  Be on time!  Make sure to introduce your date to your friends and/or co-workers.  Don’t drink too much!  This is a time to be at your best - you are in the midst of yours/your date’s inner circle!  If you are attending your date’s holiday party and you are meeting friends and/or co-workers for the first time, you probably want to make a good first impression.  You don’t want the first question asked of your date to be “so, how hung-over was he the next day?”  Wouldn’t you rather they ask “where did you find such a catch?”

New Year’s Eve:  Have a conversation about this with your sweetie.  More than likely you have a sense about where you stand and if it makes sense to spend New Year’s Eve together.  You certainly have a feel for how the other holiday festivities have gone.  Make the plans together.  Discuss various options.  Being that this is a new romance, you may want to take a little pressure off and spend the holiday with a group of friends versus just the two of you.  If things are more defined and you are both comfortable then pull out all the stops and make it a romantic, just the two of you kind of night.

Keep in mind, when the confetti settles after all these holiday parties, your friends and family may have some opinions about your new like/love interest.  It’s okay to listen but remember that you are the one dating him/her!

Please share your comments!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

So, you have decided to use a dating service.  Good for you!  Now the question is “which one?”  Choosing a dating service can be a bit overwhelming, there are so many choices – live, online, matchmakers, personal ads and the list goes on.  We are going to focus here on matchmaking services, live dating services and online dating services.  Generally speaking, live dating services are geared toward more serious dating and dating with the goal of a relationship, matchmaking services are focused on dating with the goal of a relationship, and online dating services vary from sites geared to casual dating up to and including sites geared to dating with the goal of a relationship. When choosing a service, do your research. Talk to friends who have used dating services and have had both good and bad experiences before deciding which dating service is best for you.  Make your decision based upon feedback from friends, your income, your available time, and advertised success rates of the companies (provided this information if reliable).  We would like to give you some tips and guidelines on how to make your big decision of which type of service or services you choose.

What is your dating goal?  Are you looking for someone to hang out with on the weekends or are you looking for your soul mate?  It’s important to pick a road here as you don’t want to meet someone through a service that wants to just hang out when you are looking for something serious!

What is your budget?  Sure, a live service or matchmaking service is really going to hold your hand through the process and introduce you to hand-picked, screened individuals, but if you are a person with champagne taste on a beer budget then this probably isn’t the best service for you.  These services can be very expensive, anywhere from several hundred to several thousand dollars.  You might be better off utilizing an online service.  But, if you have the funds then go for it!

How much help are you looking for?  Some online services are set up for you to post your profile and pictures and simply navigate through all of the other members.  Some online services are more structured and “introduce” you to other members based on your interests and guidelines of what type of person you are looking for.  Typically the more personalized the online dating service is the more expensive it can be.  Again, do your research.  Talk to your friends and read some reliable reviews.  Check out statistics about success rates.  Perhaps log on as the opposite sex and check out the competition!

With matchmaking services and live dating services there is also a range of services provided.  Some services introduce you to a group of people and set you all up to have dinner together.  After that, you are on your own as far as whom you connect with at the “dinner party” and pursuing a date with someone you meet.  There are services that set up an initial one on one introduction/date and then, once again, you are on your own when it comes to date #2 or #3.  Some services are truly “soup to nuts” where they just about hold your hand through the whole process and walk you to the altar.  Again, keep in mind services that are more personalized are more expensive.

Ask yourself if religion is a factor.  There are services that cater to specific religious backgrounds and this could be helpful in narrowing the playing field so you are meeting people that meet your dating criteria. 

We hope this gets you started on your decision making process of what type of dating service is best for you.  We invite you to share your stories and comments about dating services, both live and online.

Considering you spend 8+ hours a day at work, there is certainly the tendency to do some socializing there, especially if you are an extrovert, right?  You extroverts thrive off of your social interactions.  The workplace could be somewhere to meet potential dates!  Having said that, I will follow it up with a strong - BE CAREFUL!  If your employer has a strict “no dating co-workers” policy you must abide by that policy.  Be sure to consult your employee manual!  If this is the case, all is not lost.  This just means you can make friends at work who can introduce you to non-employees that might be potential dates.  There are several factors to take into consideration and guidelines to follow as you embark on this possible opportunity.  There is a reason phrases like “don’t get your honey where you get your money” and “don’t mix business with pleasure have developed,” right?!

I’ll say it again; consult your employee handbook to be sure there isn’t a strict “no dating fellow employees” policy.  Many companies worry that if employees date one another there will be a negative impact on productivity.  Often there isn’t a written rule but office romances are discouraged.  Some supervisors adopt a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy.  It’s best to have an honest conversation with your boss if you want to begin a romance with a co-worker as you don’t want to jeopardize your job!

Be discreet!  If you and a co-worker begin dating, keep it out of the office and on the down-low.  You don’t want to give people a reason to gossip about you.  It is important to have your dates on your own time.  Avoid long lunches or breaks, and please, please no physical contact in the workplace.  There is plenty of opportunity for that after work hours.  Romantic or suggestive emails, text messages, phone calls and notes also do not belong in the workplace.  Remember, employers can periodically sift through work email and you don’t want to be embarrassed or get accused of sexual harassment.

Remember, this office romance may not work out!  This is worth a discussion for you and the object of your affection.  Make an agreement that if you have a disagreement you will not discuss it during work hours.  Having a “lovers tiff” at work will only fuel the rumor mill and negatively affect the productivity of you, your partner and those around.  Take things slowly and really get to know each other prior to taking the relationship to the next level.  Be sure there is enough substance to make it worth the risks involved.

I hope this goes without saying, but casually dating multiple co-workers or being promiscuous at work is just asking for trouble.  This type of behavior will lead to a very negative reputation and will cause others to question your integrity.

If possible, pursue dating someone from a completely different department or perhaps on a different floor.  This makes being discreet much easier since you won’t bump into each other all of the time.    Avoid at all costs dating a subordinate!  This type of relationship has too much potential for problems like being accused of sexual harassment or favoritism.

Okay extroverts, be social at work without neglecting the real reason you are there, to get your job done!  Avoid too much social chit-chat around the water cooler.  Have platonic lunches or coffee breaks with co-workers to get to know them and so they can get to know you as they might be able to introduce you to someone great.  Be sure to attend all of the organized work events like company picnics, holiday parties and mixers.  Be sure to maintain your professionalism since you will see all of these people in the office again on Monday!

What workplace dating experiences have you had?  Please post your comments!