Do you question at times if you are being misunderstood?  Have you been shocked when you heard someone describe you as stand-offish or aloof?  Well, you are not alone!  Overall, introverts are misunderstood more often than extroverts.  This is simply because extroverts say and do more.  They tend to communicate more verbal and behavioral messages which make them easier to “read” and help the rest of us understand more about their personality.  Introverts have a tendency to provide less information both verbally and physically which impacts what is communicated to the people around them.  Shy individuals are also more frequently misunderstood because of the tendency to hang back and not be as talkative.  So, does this mean you are doomed to be misunderstood if you are an introvert or if you are shy?  No, of course not, no need to panic.  For you to communicate to others in a way they will see you how you would like to be seen, it just means it might take more of an effort. Here are some typical ways people are misunderstood and tips on how to get the true you across:

The Bubbly Brunette – This individual is talks rather fast, seems pretty happy but perhaps a little awkward.  This individual might be mistakenly seen as an extrovert who is very chatty.  This person may be seen as an “airhead” when the reality is she is quite intelligent.
Tip – Yes, you have good social skills and can carry a conversation but you are an introvert.  This means it is important to have your downtime to recharge your batteries.  Be thoughtful when accepting social invitations.  Also, take a breath and let others add to the conversation.  Be sure to share your well thought out, intelligent comments, not just small talk and mindless chit-chat!

The Shy Single– This individual might only interact with one person at a time or stay in the background leaving them to be judged negatively and assumed to be cold, aloof or stuck-up.  The assumption is if someone is fairly quiet they are an introvert and/or a jerk.  This is not likely the case!  There are some people who enjoy being around others but just get nervous around strangers.  Remember, a true introvert finds being around lots of other people exhausting. 
Tip – You are going to have to make an extra effort to come across as warm and friendly.  Be sure to make eye contact with others, smile and ask others about themselves.  Be sure to maintain open body language – no crossed arms!  By doing so, you will engage others in conversation and appear much more approachable.  Try attending a social gathering with a friend so you walk in with someone you already feel comfortable with.

The Cold Colleague – This individual seems unapproachable and a bit bossy, all business and no hint of emotion.  This person is really only heard from during formal meetings and conference calls or if they send out a business memo or email.  This individual is often pegged as “hard” and emotionally detached because they don’t attend the work related, social get-togethers.  The truth is this person might be quite shy or introverted in terms of personality.
Tip – Sure, it is great to separate personal from professional, but there is also taking that concept so far that you cut yourself off from others.  You might also feel safe from any social interactions if you present as “all business.”  If you want to make some social connections at work, even those that are purely platonic, you will need to lighten up.  Crack a smile, invite a couple of co-workers to have lunch with you, or make a joke (p.c. of course) every once in a while.  I’m sure you get the idea.  The work place can actually be a great place to practice your social skills and get past your shyness.   In the process you will improve how others see you. 

What has helped you to send the right signals?  Please share your comments!

Well, no, there is no guaranteed way, but ladies, there are some techniques you can apply to increase your odds of getting to date #2.  First dates are about first impressions, attraction, easy conversation and generally a good time.  Also, it is about leaving him wanting more.  Sound complicated?  It really isn’t, I’m going to keep it simple.

What is sexy on a first date?

1. Consider a skirt versus pants – this may sound sexist but you are a girl so embrace your femininity.
2. Wear your hair in the way that is the “natural” you – you want him to recognize you on the second date!
3. Enjoy a drink with him – not 3 or 4!
4. Enjoy your food and dessert if that is part of the date – a guy likes a girl who actually has an appetite and eats!
5. Have fun – laugh at his jokes, tell one of your own, smile, remember you are having a good time on a date not enduring a business meeting.
6. Say something complementary about his smile, his choice in restaurant or his attire. You get the idea. He’ll appreciate it – just not too personal (no comments about his nice bum!)
7. Allow him to kiss you on the cheek at the end of the date.
8. Send him a thank you email the next day.

What’s not sexy on a first date?

1. Dressing slutty and/or showing too much skin or cleavage.
2. Being late – yes, it takes women longer to get ready than men so plan accordingly. This is not cute; it is disrespectful of his time and sends the message that the date isn’t very important to you.
3. Answering your cell phone – this should be obvious, but just don’t do it.
4. Checking your makeup or lipstick at the table – excuse yourself to the restroom and take care of it there, just don’t take too long.
5. Indecisiveness with the menu/ordering and ordering everything prepared “special” – this just screams insecurity and high maintenence.
6. Asking what his income is.
7. Asking if he wants children.
8. Sleeping with him.

Guys, tell us what you think about what is sexy and what isn’t on a first date and what influences you to ask for that second date!  Girls, what has worked for you and led to a second date with that great guy?  Please post your comments!