We have all been there at some point, probably more than once, single on your birthday that is.  I am here to tell you this is not the end of the world.  You do have a decision to make though.  You can either have a pity party or you can celebrate the day of your birth.  Trust me, I do get it, it can be difficult to motivate yourself to plan your own celebration.  It really depends on your overall view and attitude about being single.

Some see single as interchangeable with “alone” or “lonely” while others see it as “free.”   If you have recently gone through a break-up you might be feeling more alone as your special day approaches.  On the flip side, perhaps you are enjoying the single life and see your special day filled with opportunities.  Male and female differences factor in here as well.  Generally speaking, we girls tend to long for that special guy to plan a spectacular birthday celebration and give us an amazing, thoughtful gift.  Guys typically don’t get as caught up in birthdays in the same way.  Yes, he will enjoy it if there is a special girl who goes out of her way to make a big deal out of his birthday, but he is less likely to think “I can’t possibly go out on my birthday, I’m single!” 

Keep in mind that whether you are single or attached your birthday is still a special day.  There are bound to be friends and family thinking of you on this day.  Your family, your friend group, dare I say, the world is forever changed because you are here!  You are unique and important!  How’s that for a positive attitude?!

Here are some tips to make your “single” birthday a true celebration:

Buy yourself a gift.  I’m sure there is an outfit, a pair of earrings, a golf club, or a new pair of sunglasses you would love to have.  Splurge!  It is your special day and you deserve it!  Money is tight?  Treat yourself to just a little something – the book you have wanted to read, a scented candle, new golf balls – pick something that you know you will enjoy.

Pamper yourself with a massage or a spa treatment of some kind.  Perhaps treat yourself to a round of golf at a great golf course.  My husband did this one birthday (he was single at the time) and shot his first hole in one!

Take the day off from work!  After all, this is your personal holiday.  Sleep in and lounge around.  Get coffee at your favorite bistro or coffee shop.

Take a trip – either solo or with friends.  Can I say Vegas Baby!  You know when your birthday is coming so plan ahead if possible and go on an adventure.  If you are short on cash, a night or two at a bed and breakfast or a camping/hiking trip will do the trick.

For you extroverts out there, plan your own birthday party!  Invite your close friends, be sure to tell them “your presence is present enough” (i.e. no gifts) and ask them to bring a single friend.  You might even score a birthday kiss with one of the hot single guests!

Have an intimate dinner party – either go out somewhere or host it at your place.  Make it pot luck and just enjoy some good company and good food/drinks.

Plan either a girls’ day or guys’ day – do what you do best as a group – spa treatments and lunch, sporting event, food and beers – it’s all good!

If you feel a little uncomfortable planning your own event, ask a close friend or family member to help you out.  Like I said, we have all been there so that friend or family member will be happy to help.

How have you spent your birthday when single?  Please share your comments!

We have given you tips on getting the date, getting the second date, how to recover when it doesn’t work out and much, much more.  I’m going to talk with you now about how to recognize when your guy really doesn’t want to commit to the real-deal, long-term, possibly headed for marriage relationship.  I feel qualified to discuss this topic due to my education and professional experience but truly because of my personal experience with a guy who at times can be called “Peter Pan” because he just isn’t ready to grow up and a different guy who at times can be called “Fabio” because his life comes across a bit like a romance novel.  Think in terms of romance novels – “Harlequin Romances” typically show “Fabio” on the cover.  Peter Pan is perpetually a boy and Fabio is in love with being in love.  Do you know these guys??  Don’t get me wrong, both of these guys are charming and really wonderful in their own way.  It is possible to be seriously involved with either of them and feel and believe you are in a long-term, committed relationship.  They are both capable of loving and remaining faithful.  But, do you hear yourself saying “he has so much boyish charm” or “he is just a hopeless romantic?”  There are just some signs (some subtle and some not) that can tell you he isn’t looking for or isn’t ready for the real-deal, long-term, possibly headed for marriage relationship.

He rarely uses the words “we” or “us.”  He is more independently focused.  He might be “Peter Pan.”

His place still looks a little like a dorm room despite the fact he has been out of college for over 5 years.  He might be “Peter Pan.”

He does not have a savings account.  He might be “Peter Pan.”

He has never even considered getting a dog, starting a retirement plan, or purchasing a home – all things that require serious commitment.  He might be “Peter Pan.”

His idea of a vacation is a group of friends all going to The River or to Vegas to do some serious partying.  It would never occur to him for the two of you to go for example on a romantic weekend wine tasting or skiing.  He might be “Peter Pan.”

He shies away from conversations that are about your future together or anything you might ask along the lines of “so, where do you see us headed?”  To this question the most you might get is “I love you and we are having so much fun together, isn’t that enough?”  You might tend to feel like you are in a holding pattern.  He might be “Peter Pan.”

He showers you with affection and gifts from very early on in the relationship, even before it is a relationship.  This can be flattering, but ask yourself “is this over-kill?”  He might be “Fabio.”

He tells you he has fallen for you, you are his soul-mate and he is in love with you after a very short time dating, like after only dating a few weeks.  He might be “Fabio.”

He quickly comes up with pet names for you, again, after only a few weeks.  He is driven for this connection to be special just a little too quickly.  He might be “Fabio.”

When discussing your relationship history, you find out he has had several fairly long-term relationships, all back-to-back and he was “in love” with all of these women and still gets teary-eyed when thinking back on special moments with them.  He might be “Fabio” and a little creepy I might add!

There are a multitude of special songs, places, foods, phrases, jokes and types of wine that he says he now only associates with you.  Once again, these connections developed extremely quickly and are given more attention than aspects of the relationship that might indicate depth and substance.  He might be “Fabio.”

Keep in mind that one of these characteristics does not a “Peter Pan” or “Fabio” make.  Typically, a true “Peter Pan” or “Fabio” has several of these traits.

Have you dated “Peter Pan” or Fabio?”  Please share your comments!

Do you feel like shyness in getting in the way of successful dating experiences?  Are dating opportunities passing you by?  If a potential date approaches you are you suddenly tongue-tied?  Do you avoid approaching that good looking guy convinced you will freeze up?  Is this something you want to change?  We wrote an earlier blog about guys overcoming shyness in the dating world and now it is time to address the same issue for you “shy” girls.

Perhaps as far back as you can remember you were referred to as shy.  When you were a little girl, your mom would say, “Oh, she is just shy” when you were very quiet upon arriving to a party or the first day of school.  This sort of developed into part of your personality.  Maybe you were destined to be shy, maybe not; maybe it was a little bit of the power of suggestion.  In other words, the more you tell yourself you are shy and the more others refer to you as shy you will believe you are shy and present that way in social settings.

If the power of suggestion and your internal thoughts and messages can lead you to believe you are shy, is it possible the opposite thoughts can lead you to believe you are outgoing?  I am going to go out on a limb and say, “yes.”  I do not mean to say it is as simple as just thinking “I am outgoing.”  There is a bit more to it than that so read on for some helpful tips.

1. On a daily basis take note of your positive qualities. The more you focus on your positives the more confident you will feel. The more confident you feel the more comfortable you will become with being a little more outgoing.
2. Ask yourself, “What do I “bring to the table?” In other words, why would someone else enjoy having a conversation with you, date you, etc? For instance, you were invited to a party and there are reasons you were invited, reasons the host enjoys having you around.
3. When you are out in the world, practice being more outgoing. Make eye contact with people, smile and say hello. The more you do this the more comfortable you will feel with being outgoing. You will also be perceived as friendly and approachable which is a key component in the dating world.
4. Hone in on your talents or develop new talents or at least one thing you are good at. This is something else that can build self-confidence which is important in combating shyness. Knowing you have strengths/talents is helpful because it is then a natural topic for you when you interacting socially. No, I don’t mean something to brag about because that is not attractive. What I mean is when someone asks “what do you do for fun?” or “what do you like to do?” you will have something to share about yourself.
5. Ask yourself, “What’s the worst thing that’s going to happen if I put myself out there?” Well, it is possible you will experience rejection. This is part of life ladies so don’t let it get you down. Smile and move on. Try to think of it as practice for the real thing.
6. Set a goal for yourself. When you have plans to go out socially, tell yourself you will make eye contact with, smile and say hello to at least 5 people. Remember, this is practice and the more you do it the more comfortable you will feel.
7. Stop labeling yourself as shy! You are you, you are unique, and you are attractive and you are (__________________) fill in the blank with all of the positives you identified earlier.

How have you overcome shyness in the dating world?  Do you struggle with shyness?  We are interested in your experiences and comments!  Please post!

The first date went really well and date #2 is already planned.  You are thinking about kissing her at the end of date #2.  You played it cool on date number one by ending it with a warm hug and a kiss on the cheek.  She was comfortable with this and lingered in the hug and leaned into the kiss on her cheek.  There was good eye contact and some innocent touches to the arm and back during conversations so it is clear there is a good connection and some chemistry.  You are pretty certain your kiss won’t be rejected and you are ready for some lip-lock!  In all honesty, this kiss could be a make it or break it moment so you want to be prepared.  Don’t worry!  We are here to help you and give you the tips you need to make this a great kiss that she will remember.  Yes, we realize we seem a bit stereotypical at this point assuming it’s the guy that will go in for the first kiss, but let’s be realistic in recognizing that is the case most of the time.  Some girls reading this might be considering going in for the first kiss and that is perfectly fine.  Just be sure to read his signals correctly and know that he is open for that kiss.  Give him the opportunity to kiss you first since that is often what guys are most comfortable with and you don’t want to “steal his thunder.”  These tips can be helpful for guys and girls so read on.

Prior to the date take note of your oral hygiene.  This is important for all dates - #1 or #27!  Be sure to brush, floss and use mouthwash.  You are probably going to eat and/or drink something on this date but doing this prep work will still be helpful.  Keep some dental floss in your pocket (or for the girls in your purse).  You can use the restroom after your meal and take care of any bits of food that may have been caught.  You don’t need to notify your date you have come on the date with dental supplies!

Bring some mints along on the date.  Have one after the drinks or meal and offer one to your date.  You will both enjoy a kiss that is a little minty versus one that tastes like garlic.

Speaking of garlic, choose your meal carefully!  Maybe this isn’t the best date to order something in a garlic sauce.  Perhaps choose something with a milder aroma.  Assuming there are dates in the future  when you know each other better and have kissed several times, you will be likely drop this precaution and laugh about how you should both order the grilled onions on your burgers so you’ll be in the same boat.

As a general rule, use some lip balm on a regular basis.  Soft lips are much nicer to kiss than chapped ones.   Your date will appreciate it.

During the course of the date you should be doing some prep work and testing the waters to confirm she is ready for you to kiss her.  You don’t just throw a match onto a pile of logs and expect a beautiful fire to begin burning, right?  You’ve got to have piece of kindling; make sure the wind is blocked, etc.  This is very similar.  Engage in some physical contact with your date (casual touches to the arm or back) over the course of the evening.  Does she welcome your touch or does she pull away? Pay attention! If she is pulling away, this might be either too soon for a kiss or it might be your final date.

When it is time for the kiss, go in gently but with confidence.  This first kiss is best as a closed-mouth, no tongue kiss.  Linger briefly and then end the kiss.  This might feel like the right time for a hug or to take your date’s hand.  Go with feels comfortable.  Whatever you do, be sure not to hesitate.  Confidence is attractive and you want to come across as knowing what you are doing.

Don’t hold your dates face in your hands with a death grip!  Gently touch her cheek if you like during the kiss but anything more will seem too aggressive.

Close your eyes during the kiss.  It will seem creepy if she sneaks a peek during the kiss and you are staring at her.

After this first kiss with a new squeeze the door is open for more kissing as well as more passionate kissing.  Be sure to recognize when the level of interest in more kisses is mutual.

What have your experiences been with kissing someone for the first time?  Please post your comments!

Assuming you have read our post on June 24th and your home is now “date friendly,” perhaps it is time to cook dinner for your date.  If you are thinking “take out is so much easier” or “she would rather be wined and dined at a fancy restaurant” then think again.  Preparing a meal for someone is an extremely personal and thoughtful gesture that your date will appreciate.  Both guys and girls can cook dinner for a date and pull of a very romantic evening.  How you ask?  We are going to give you the guidance and tips you need for this to be a night to remember. 

If you are inviting your date to your home for dinner be sure you have been out several times (at the very minimum 3 dates with a few good phone conversations).  This is to ensure that there is a level of comfort and trust that is conducive to being in your home alone with your date.  You want to make sure you have had the opportunity to get to know your date well enough to know conversation flows easily and there is some chemistry.

Take stock of the relationship.  How long have you been dating?  We know based on the above tip you have met the minimum of at least 3 dates prior to moving to this step, but are you already exclusive or is it very early in the dating relationship?  This will help you determine what type of dinner you prepare for your date.  For example, a seven course gourmet feast may be a little much if you have only been dating for a month.  Cooking dinner for someone takes effort so be sure your feelings for him/her indicate to you this is a good move. 

Find out what your date likes to eat and drink.  Is your date a vegetarian?  Does she avoid red meat?  Has he mentioned he is lactose intolerant?  It’s good to pay attention as well as ask questions.  In addition, find out about any food allergies!  The romance will go right out the evening if you have to rush your date to the emergency room for anaphylactic shock!  This attention to detail will let your date know you care.

It’s time to decide on a menu.  We recommend you stick to 3 courses – A salad or starter course, a main course with a side dish and a sweet/dessert course.  You can also choose beverages to pair with your meal.  If you enjoy wine you can keep it simple and choose a wine that works with the entire meal or you can choose a wine for the starter as well as one for the main course.  Of course, you can also go non-alcoholic.  Plan on what your date will be the most comfortable with.  If you have some cookbooks, scan through them for dishes that look appealing and fit within your skill level in the kitchen.  Foods to avoid – extremely messy foods and foods that tend to stick in your teeth (ribs, spaghetti, spinach, corn on the cob to name a few examples).

Read through your recipes carefully and make sure you are clear on all the instructions.  We highly recommend you prepare each of the dishes a few days ahead and have a friend taste them to make sure your romantic dinner will be a success.  My husband (boyfriend at the time) just told me the other day that he did this prior to cooking dinner for me the first time.

Be sure you have all the necessary kitchen tools to cook the recipes you have chosen – borrow whatever kitchen gadgets you don’t have.  Matching plates, decent cutlery and glasses are pretty important and some cloth napkins would be a nice touch.

When the big day arrives set the mood with candles and background music.  A low arrangement (you need to be able to see over it when seated) of fresh flowers on the table are a nice touch.  Review the post from June 24th if you’re uncertain if your home is “date friendly.”  Allow more time than you anticipate you will need – it’s great to have a chance to tidy up the kitchen and take a breath before your date arrives.  Because you have practiced making these dishes you know how much time you will need to prepare the dinner!  When you greet your date at the door be ready to offer him/her a drink.  If you are finishing the final touches on preparing the meal let your date know she is welcome in the kitchen to visit with you over a glass of wine and have a light appetizer available to munch on – consider a trio of cheeses and fresh baguette or some crisp, raw vegetables and hummus to dip them in (both simple and require no cooking).

You are ready to serve this amazing meal!  Serve your date first and only dig in after they have had their first bite.  Don’t apologize for anything you have made.  Let your date comment on the food.  If you have followed the above steps we are sure this will be a night to remember.  Your efforts will be rewarded – get ready for romance!  Bon Appetite!

Is it time to invite your new squeeze over to your pad for the first time?  Perhaps he/she has been by to pick you up for a date but this time they are going to come in past the front door and stay a while.  You’ve decided to cook dinner or order dinner in and watch a movie at home.  This is an important step in the development of a dating relationship and you want to make a good impression.  Staying home together is much more intimate than going out.  You are inviting someone into your world.  They are going to see how you live in your “natural habitat.”  Are you ready?  We are here to make sure you are!

Take a look around.  Is your home inviting?  It doesn’t matter if it is a studio apartment or a 3000 square foot home, you want it to be comfortable and inviting to a guest.  And, this is not just any guest, this is someone you are interested in so you want them to feel they would like to stay and perhaps come over again.  We suggest you have a trusted friend come over and give you an honest opinion about your home and its overall vibe.

Here are some basic tips to help you prepare for this special guest.

Clean up!  Everyone feels more comfortable in a clean environment.  Empty the trash, vacuum; wipe down the counters and dust.  Use some eco-friendly cleansers with softer scents so your place doesn’t smell like a hospital. 

Put fresh towels out in the bathroom.  No one wants to use the restroom and then question if they are better off drying their hands on their jeans versus using the dingy towel hanging on the rack.

If there is a chance (even a slim chance!) this guest will be an overnight guest, please, please change the sheets!  Be sure to use freshly washed (even if they are new) sheets of at least a 400 thread count.  Guys, I have to say this tip is really more for you.  I’ve yet to figure this out, but for some reason guys tend to buy very low thread count sheets.  Soft, fresh smelling sheets are appreciated!

We hope you have been paying attention and know what your date likes to eat and drink.  We suggest you stock your fridge with a few of these items.  Girls, this is for you because guys like the option of something to eat!  Don’t let him open the door of the fridge and find it empty!  You don’t have to go overboard but having a few beers and snacks on hand is a great way to go.  Again, if this could be an overnight guest, be sure to at least have some coffee and bagels for the morning.  The fact that my husband (then boyfriend) planned ahead and stocked some healthy snacks he knew I would like sure earned him some points.

Girls, we know you might still have a couple stuffed animals from childhood but this is the time to stash them in the closet.  They tend to freak guys out a bit.  The same goes for dolls.  Guys know you were once little girls but they don’t want to imagine you that way now.

Guys, take extra care in cleaning the bathroom.  I know we already mentioned cleaning, but this begs some extra attention.  Be sure to clean the toilet, put a fresh roll of toilet paper on the holder and get rid of the stack of Sports Illustrated piled on the tank.  You don’t want anything in the bathroom that will cause her to say “yuck, what is that?!”

Guys and girls – be sure to stash anything that might be a little “too personal” like self help books, bank statements and any creams or ointments that say “anti-fungal” or “anti-itch.”

Consider creating some flattering lighting.  A few candles are a great idea, just don’t go overboard and avoid scented candles.  Be safe and thoughtful where you place the candles because causing a fire is not sexy or romantic.   Change out some of your light bulbs for a softer wattage and a mellow glow.

A simple arrangement of flowers is a nice touch but not a have to.  Perhaps bake something before your date arrives – who doesn’t love the smell of fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies?  They can simply be slice and bake!  You will get the same effect!  These extra details create an environment of comfort and warmth and your date will feel at home.  Trust us, they will be impressed and will feel special that you made the effort.

We hope you find these tips helpful – enjoy your romantic evening in!

Yes, spring is the season that is synonymous with love however summer is also a great time to meet someone new and experience romance.  We have all heard the phrases “summer of love” and “summer fling” as well as “summer lovin’.”  The sun is shining, it’s warm outside and overall the mood is more relaxed.  Summer has all the makings for romance.  Remember, just like in the spring, our mood tends to be better in the summer; we smile more and generally are more receptive to attention from the opposite sex.  In addition, we’ve gotten a little sun (i.e. have some color in our faces) and been more active so we appear and feel more attractive too.  Now, you may have been getting a little concerned because summer is yet another season when it can feel like it would be better if you have someone in your life already.  Well, again, barbeques, weddings, trips to the beach and the river are really all just fantastic opportunities to discover love, like, lust or your perfect summer romance.  Remember those days as a teenager at the community pool when you had that crush on the lifeguard or the hottie in the bikini?  This is the time to tap into your “inner teen!”  There is a multitude of ways to meet people in the summer months.  This is a great low-key time of year.  There aren’t any serious holidays to complicate things, and lots of people are traveling so there are even more opportunities to meet people you wouldn’t normally encounter. 

First, it’s important to determine your mindset and have a sense of what you are looking for.  Summer fling?  Summer love?  A romance that has potential to survive the summer and move into the cooler months ahead?

Now that you have determined what you want it is important to believe you can find it and you deserve it.  We’ve talked about this before, but remember that attitude is a significant factor in you getting what you want.  Approaching each day with the attitude of “this is going to be an amazing summer of fun and romance” really does play a part in meeting Ms. / Mr. Fling or Ms. /Mr. Right.  Pessimism and negative thoughts will interfere with you finding summer love.  Confidence is an attractive quality so potential dates will be drawn to you if this is what you exhibit.  Here are five suggestions of where to meet some potential dates during these warm summer days and nights.

Accept all of the invitations you receive to summer events like barbeques, beach parties and pool parties.  These are wonderful relaxed gatherings where there are bound to be a mix of couples and singles.  People have family in town so they will bring them along to these events.  Your friend’s cousin could be the hot summer fling you are looking for.  These events are great because everyone is somehow linked through the host so it makes conversation easy.  If it seems there aren’t enough of these events happening try planning one.  Now, everyone in attendance is somehow linked through you making it easy for you to meet each guest.  Be the master of the grill or make the margaritas!  The potential for romance is possibly in your own backyard.

Check out the local newspaper or search online for festivals, community events and outdoor concerts that are happening over the summer and make a point to go.  You are likely to meet people from your area that you wouldn’t otherwise meet as well as out-of-towners hoping to experience the local culture.  Be sure to smile and make some eye contact with individuals who look interesting/attractive to you.  At an outdoor concert pick a spot on the lawn near someone you find interesting and strike up a conversation.  Make it simple like “have you ever heard this band live before?”  Perhaps bring some extra snacks and drinks and offer it to your new friends.  You never know where this could lead.  What could be more romantic than listening to great music at an outdoor concert under the stars on a warm summer night?

I recently discovered that some resort hotels offer day passes.  How about getting a day pass and hanging out at a resort in your local area or somewhere that would qualify for a day trip.  Imagine who you might meet lounging by the pool?  It’s the perfect setting to discover a summer romance!

Maybe this is a good time to give back to the community.  Perhaps there is a beach, park or community clean-up event.  Get involved!  You will be sure to meet other like-minded individuals and conversation is sure to start about how “green” you all are and how great it feels to give back.  I suggest you parlay this into going for ice cream or lunch after the event.  The rest is up to you!

Travel is another great way to discover summer romance.  Singles cruises, adventure trips, all-inclusive resorts and group tours geared to singles are all options.  Again, people are relaxed and enjoying themselves and you are all in the same boat.  Break out of your shell (if you have one), make eye contact and start a conversation even if it is as simple as “where did you travel from to get here?”  Consider inviting that hottie you noticed by the pool on the next snorkeling excursion.  Be sure to explore all aspects of your vacation - the pool, the workout room, the day tours/excursions and the bar/club.  If the first person you connect with doesn’t turn out to be your object of desire then move on – lots’ more choices out there!

We hope these suggestions get you started on your quest for romance.  Leave no stone unturned, remember this is your summer of love!

Do you have a story to share about a hot summer fling?  Did you find love on a cruise ship?  Please post your comments!

Okay, so you are a tomboy.  This has been the case as far back as you can remember.  As a little girl you traded your Barbie dolls for Hot Wheels, you climbed trees versus played house and you enjoyed getting dirty.  There isn’t a whole lot about you that would be considered “girly.”  You don’t get grossed out easily, you do not have a closet that houses just your shoes and you do not have a pink cover for your Blackberry.  You do however find men attractive and would like to meet one that could be that special guy in your life.  The struggle here is guys tend to see you as “one of the boys” because your tendency is to have a beer with them, cheer for your favorite player at a sporting event and you can get ready to go just about anywhere in 5 or 10 minutes.  You prefer Sports Illustrated to Glamour and your TiVo is NOT recording America’s Top Model.  In addition, you have the ability to swear like a sailor.  Hey, we support you in embracing who you are and not being influenced by societal pressures.  We don’t want you to feel you have to change who you are, but you may need to work at this a little bit to send the message that what’s underneath the tomboy exterior is 100% girl!  Here are some suggestions of how to bring a little “girly- ness” into your look and presentation without compromising who you are.

When you get together with your group of friends, change it up a bit.  Wear something a little feminine – a skirt, a top with a little sparkle or perhaps heels instead of your usual flats, flip flops or tennis shoes.  This will get noticed!  Trust us!

Wear your hair down versus pulled back with a clip or in a ponytail.  Again, the guys will notice.  With your hair softly framing your face you will instantly look more girly.  The guys will scratch their head and think “hmmm, she looks, um, different somehow” in a good way!  You can still go out for that beer but don’t be surprised if one of the guys opens the door for you or pulls out your chair for you to sit down.

Wear a little perfume.  The power of scent is intense!  Choose a soft, clean fragrance that suits your personality.  Shop around a bit, perhaps with a girlfriend who is a bit more girly and have her help you choose the perfect scent for you.  If you smell like a woman guys will think of you that way compared to if your scent is Ivory soap.

If you aren’t into wearing much makeup it’s no problem.  No reason to start putting on a full face of makeup every day.  Just be sure to cleanse and moisturize your face so you have a bit of a glow and perhaps just try a little lip gloss.  This could make you feel a little more feminine which will lead you to putting out a more girly vibe when interacting with guys.

Do a little soul searching.  Are there some things you enjoy doing that have a little bit of a feminine twist?  Do you enjoy a facial or manicure or, an occasional shopping spree?  You could try making these interests a little more known about you.  Knowing you engage in “girly” activities once in a while will cause guys to think of you more as a potential date as opposed to “one of the guys.”

As far as swearing like a sailor, toning this down is a good idea.  Most guys are attracted to women with a softer edge.  Also, they are going to be drawn more to someone they won’t have to worry that if they introduce you to their mom you will embarrass them with a gutter mouth.

In all honesty, if you are a tomboy with a little hint of femininity the guys won’t be able to stay away!  You are the perfect balance of low-maintenance and sex appeal.  He knows you can get ready in five minutes by pulling on jeans and a baseball cap but then you can wow him with a casual dress, a great scent and high heels!  You will be able to relate to what he found fun as a kid at the same time reminding him of the girl he had a crush on in grade school.  Hey, being a tomboy can totally work in your favor.  You are just going to add a twist so he sees you as a girl who can hang with the guys versus “one of the boys.”

Are you a tomboy?  What’s helped you to get a date versus a punch in the arm?  Dated a tomboy?  How did that work out?  Please post your comments!

Thank you so much for contacting us and posting a question.  Based on your email, it sounds like you two were off to a good start, but without a little more detail we can’t give you quite as much feedback as we’d like. For example, you said that you felt like she was attracted to you prior to the date.   Does that mean you spent some time together before the date, or perhaps you spoke on the phone frequently before April1st? Did she seem motivated to go out with you, or did it take a while to set up the date?  

Based on your description of the situation this is what we think: It’s actually hard to tell based on her cancellation of the date whether or not she is giving you the brush off.  The problem with texting is that most texts are brief and can be misleading when the blanks aren’t filled in. In addition, there is no tone with a text.  Rather than over-thinking it, our suggestion is to wait a few days and then send her a text just checking in.  Text something like “Are you feeling better?  Would you like to reschedule our date?”  And then leave it at that. If you hear back from her then great, if not then let her go.  Back off from offering to help her out with anything else like homework etc., and if she responds with a simple “I’m feeling better, thanks.” then don’t repeat the “date offer” just say “I’m glad.”  If she does say she is ready to reschedule then give her a call and set up the date via telephone.  Sticking with something low-key like lunch is a good idea.  Again, if she responds simply with “I’m feeling better.” then avoid offering up anything more.  Unless she asks you a question don’t text one to her, meaning don’t give her more than you get from her, make her work a little for this since she’s the one who cancelled. If she wants to get together with you she will take the bait of a simple, brief, one lined text. 

Please let us know what happens.

Michelle and Michelle

Has anyone else encountered a situation like this?  What experiences can you share?  Please post your comments and feedback to J!

Have you been asked by friends, dates and romantic partners to ease up on the texting?  Do you sometimes question if a situation warrants a phone call versus a text?  Well, you are not alone.  We are here to give you some guidelines regarding texting, a technological phenomenon that has become the preferred mode of communication for many people in a multitude of situations.  Whether you send one text per month or you have tendonitis in your fingers from constant texting; dating, love and texting have become irrevocably intertwined.  Texting can be a quick and easy way to get a message out to someone without disrupting their day.  On the flip-side, much gets lost in the transfer because all of the non-verbal (body language, laughter, eye contact vs. no eye contact) aspects of communication are absent in a text.  In addition, tone of voice is missing in a text so it’s easy to send the “wrong” message.

When texting is okay (short list):

Simple messages – had a great first date?  Sure, send a text saying “I had a great time last night!”  Be sure to wait at least a few hours the next day versus texting the second you wake up.  Lost and running late?  Sure, send a text saying “missed the exit but I’m on my way” – be sure you are not texting while actually driving; you’ll have to pull over!!  Want to confirm plans?  Sure, send a text saying “I’ll see you tomorrow at 7 pm, looking forward to it.”

Flirting – does it seem like whenever that special guy or girl is around you get tongue-tied.  Perhaps texting a cute/sweet message will break the ice and reduce your anxiety so you’ll be more able to do some face-to-face flirting next time you see him/her. 

Keeping the fire burning – Once you are dating someone an occasional fun or even steamy text can increase romance and keep you on his/her mind.  Note, I said OCCASIONAL!  You don’t want to smother this person with text messages or you run the risk of looking desperate or like you are stalking via text.

When texting is not okay (longer list):

As a replacement for conversation – no, a text is not “just as good.”  For involved, meaningful conversation your date or partner needs to hear your voice; if not face-to-face then via telephone.  The real you is not digital, it is human, flesh and blood and your voice.  If you really want to bond with someone and develop a romantic connection then let him/her hear your voice. 

On a date – the person you are on a date with is going to feel annoyed and ignored.  He or she will interpret your texting as a sign that you are not very attracted or interested.  This is just plain rude.  If you are on a date then give that individual your undivided attention.  How else are you going to figure out if there is a connection and potential for date number 2?

To make a date or break a date – unless you are 14 years old, this is just unacceptable.  If you want to spend time with someone then make the effort to ask them out in a phone call.  If you can’t make it for a date then show the person some respect and make a phone call to let them know you need to cancel the plans and make a new date – if that is your intent.

To break up – no, no, no!  Now, I believe we have mentioned this in other posts, but it’s worth mentioning again.  If you have been seeing someone long enough that ending it warrants an actual break-up and as long as you don’t fear for your safety then you owe this person a live conversation to address the issue at hand.  Wouldn’t you want that common courtesy if the shoe was on the other foot?

Sending compromising photos – trust me, don’t do it!  I cannot tell how many horror stories I’ve heard regarding this one.  Remember, once it is out there, it is out there.  That photo can be sent to anyone at any time.  It could also be posted online.  This is classless and could be dangerous.

If you have been drinking – make a pact with a friend that if you have had a few too many he or she will confiscate your phone/blackberry.  Drunk- texting is not pretty and could get you into serious trouble.

So, I hope this is helpful in clearing up any confusion related to dating and texting.  Just to recap, text an address, a quick hello or a picture of your dog or cat.  If what you need to say is more involved than that, pick up the phone! 

Please share your experiences with dating and texting!