Is it time to invite your new squeeze over to your pad for the first time?  Perhaps he/she has been by to pick you up for a date but this time they are going to come in past the front door and stay a while.  You’ve decided to cook dinner or order dinner in and watch a movie at home.  This is an important step in the development of a dating relationship and you want to make a good impression.  Staying home together is much more intimate than going out.  You are inviting someone into your world.  They are going to see how you live in your “natural habitat.”  Are you ready?  We are here to make sure you are!

Take a look around.  Is your home inviting?  It doesn’t matter if it is a studio apartment or a 3000 square foot home, you want it to be comfortable and inviting to a guest.  And, this is not just any guest, this is someone you are interested in so you want them to feel they would like to stay and perhaps come over again.  We suggest you have a trusted friend come over and give you an honest opinion about your home and its overall vibe.

Here are some basic tips to help you prepare for this special guest.

Clean up!  Everyone feels more comfortable in a clean environment.  Empty the trash, vacuum; wipe down the counters and dust.  Use some eco-friendly cleansers with softer scents so your place doesn’t smell like a hospital. 

Put fresh towels out in the bathroom.  No one wants to use the restroom and then question if they are better off drying their hands on their jeans versus using the dingy towel hanging on the rack.

If there is a chance (even a slim chance!) this guest will be an overnight guest, please, please change the sheets!  Be sure to use freshly washed (even if they are new) sheets of at least a 400 thread count.  Guys, I have to say this tip is really more for you.  I’ve yet to figure this out, but for some reason guys tend to buy very low thread count sheets.  Soft, fresh smelling sheets are appreciated!

We hope you have been paying attention and know what your date likes to eat and drink.  We suggest you stock your fridge with a few of these items.  Girls, this is for you because guys like the option of something to eat!  Don’t let him open the door of the fridge and find it empty!  You don’t have to go overboard but having a few beers and snacks on hand is a great way to go.  Again, if this could be an overnight guest, be sure to at least have some coffee and bagels for the morning.  The fact that my husband (then boyfriend) planned ahead and stocked some healthy snacks he knew I would like sure earned him some points.

Girls, we know you might still have a couple stuffed animals from childhood but this is the time to stash them in the closet.  They tend to freak guys out a bit.  The same goes for dolls.  Guys know you were once little girls but they don’t want to imagine you that way now.

Guys, take extra care in cleaning the bathroom.  I know we already mentioned cleaning, but this begs some extra attention.  Be sure to clean the toilet, put a fresh roll of toilet paper on the holder and get rid of the stack of Sports Illustrated piled on the tank.  You don’t want anything in the bathroom that will cause her to say “yuck, what is that?!”

Guys and girls – be sure to stash anything that might be a little “too personal” like self help books, bank statements and any creams or ointments that say “anti-fungal” or “anti-itch.”

Consider creating some flattering lighting.  A few candles are a great idea, just don’t go overboard and avoid scented candles.  Be safe and thoughtful where you place the candles because causing a fire is not sexy or romantic.   Change out some of your light bulbs for a softer wattage and a mellow glow.

A simple arrangement of flowers is a nice touch but not a have to.  Perhaps bake something before your date arrives – who doesn’t love the smell of fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies?  They can simply be slice and bake!  You will get the same effect!  These extra details create an environment of comfort and warmth and your date will feel at home.  Trust us, they will be impressed and will feel special that you made the effort.

We hope you find these tips helpful – enjoy your romantic evening in!

Subject: handling rejection
 
Hi, it\’s me again. I was just wondering if there is anything that a guy can do in the event when he approaches a woman and gets the \”cold shoulder\” or she tells him in some way \”not interested\”?
 
Is there any way to turn that situation into leaving with her phone number? Or if not a phone number, in the very least can he still walk away with his head held high?
 
I am asking not because it has happened to me, seriously! (at least not that I can recall (see my comment in getting a phone number tips for guys blog)) but because I know that this is a major problem for some guys and should I ever encounter this situation myself it would be good to know how to best handle the bad situation and make it a good one.
 
I don\’t approach any woman I come across that has stunning physically attractive looks, only the ones I believe are going to qualify as date/relationship worthy. (Some guys are in it for the booty, I guess they get what they deserve when they find a woman who\’s in it for the booty as well, or not when they are turned down flat to their face.)
 
I guess that the clue in there is knowing who you can approach comfortably? Some guys are content with women as attractive as they are but what if we want to approach women out of our league, how do some guys do it?
 
Is it a matter of changing ones thinking? Is there a secret to approaching the unapproachable\’s?

Thanks so much for your questions regarding this subject of rejection!  I’m sure this is an issue that many men and women struggle with.

First, we want to tell you “no one is out of your league!”  If you tell yourself that certain potential dates are “out of your league” then you run the risk of sending that message to those you encounter.  Trust me, they will read this in your body language, your tone of voice, etc.  If you truly believe you can date who you choose, not just who chooses you or who is willing to give you her number then you are going to have much more successful dating experiences.  So, yes, one step is shifting your thinking to a much more positive perspective.  Remember to recognize your strengths on a regular basis.  Be clear in your own mind what you have to offer.  If you are not clear then get some feedback from friends.

Ask yourself “am I making the best possible first impression?”  Do you feel good inside and out?  Maybe it’s time to polish up your look a little bit.  Update your haircut and/or get a new shirt.  When we feel we look our best we tend to feel more confident.  Confidence is attractive!  If you are unsure about your look, get some feedback from female friends.  Are you up on the best way to approach someone for their number?  How to start an upbeat, friendly conversation?  Check out our posts on September 19, 2009 and July 16, 2009 for some helpful tips.

Be completely honest with yourself about who you really want to date.  Looking for a relationship?  Just looking to have fun?  Looking for “booty” as our reader mentioned in this post?  This will guide you on whom to approach.  If you seek out others who are looking for the same things you are, the likelihood is you will be much more successful obtaining a phone number and subsequently making a date.  Whatever you do, don’t settle!

We strongly recommend you approach people who look approachable – smiling, enjoying themselves, engaging in conversations, etc.  If someone looks angry, upset or busy move on to someone else.  Also, try to approach someone once they are alone versus with a large group. 

Dating is a numbers game.  You are likely to hear a “no” every now and again.  It’s really okay!  This person’s “no” does not define who you are.  Rejection is uncomfortable and hearing “no” is a disappointment, but, honestly, shake it off and move on.  You can absolutely hold your head high because you are putting your best foot forward, making an honest effort and you have a lot to offer the right person.  Consider the possibility that her “no” may have nothing to do with you.  She may be fresh out of a relationship, just starting a new relationship or for other reasons not be open to meeting someone new.  If you honestly feel it has something to do with you then evaluate your approach, your look, the type of person you are approaching and get some feedback from a trusted friend.  If she says no tell her “okay, have a nice night” and consider other options of who you might better connect with. 

How have the rest of you handled rejection?  What tips and pointers do you have for your fellow readers?   Please post your comments!

Do women often describe you as a “really nice guy” or a great “guy friend?”  Are the women who you find attractive often dating your friends?  Do women confide in you about their problems with other men they are dating? Have you found out that your sexual orientation was called into question by a woman you went out with and you are 100% straight?!  Listen, it’s great to be a person of integrity and to have the qualities of a solid friend but I’m guessing you don’t want to be celibate or stay single forever.  Dude, you have to make a move!

When you meet a woman for the first time, it is important to get the message across that you are boyfriend or at least date material.  First impressions are important.  You’ve got to find the balance here so you don’t come across as too safe (puts you in the friend category) or too aggressive (might be seen as sleazy or desperate).  Compliment her about something specific like her smile or her eyes.  Avoid using descriptive words like cute, sweet, sexy and great.  Go with beautiful, captivating or mesmerizing. 

Be sure to initiate some fun conversation with her.  Use some humor and a little sarcasm to create a special connection with her.  Joke with her, tease her a little, and make playful innuendos.  This type of banter takes you out of the flat, boring, formal interactions that you would have with a coworker or an acquaintance.  When you have your first phone call with her you can continue building this rapport.

Don’t whine or complain about past relationships or dates.  If you treat this woman like your mom or your therapist she is not going to view you as a potential date.  In addition, don’t become the guy she starts sharing guy problems with.  If she initiates this kind of topic, subtly yet quickly suggest a new topic or say something like “that’s sounds like it was a tough situation, I’m sure one of your girlfriends will have some great advice for you.”  If you aren’t careful you will end up in the friend zone for sure!

Let her know you have a life.  If she asks “what are you up to tomorrow?” be sure to have some plans to reference and then if you are interested in her, ask her for a date for a different day/time.  Women like men who are assertive and who are socially confident. 

You don’t always need to agree – don’t walk on eggshells, respectfully state your opinion even if it is different than hers.  This is a recipe for interesting conversation, not disaster and it again demonstrates confidence which is very attractive.  Always responding with “I totally agree” makes you seem like a doormat and in all honesty boring.

Keep in mind that not every woman you meet is going to be attracted to you.  Despite your best efforts you may end up getting the friend card.  It’s really okay; everyone has that experience at one time or another.  Dating is after-all a bit of a numbers game.  Dust yourself off, remember these tips and approach someone new.  More than likely your odds are better off with someone new as opposed to trying to get out of the friend zone with someone and trying to get back into the romantic zone.

Please share your experiences and comments!