Congratulations!  You made it through your first date AND plans have been made for date #2!  You have either done this because the first date was amazing or because the first date was so-so but you feel it is worth a second date to see if maybe you and/or your date were just nervous.  In other words, you are willing to give him/her one last chance.  It really will be the final chance because if things aren’t clicking by date #2 it’s probably best to move on.  Now you are probably thinking “how do I make sure date #2 is a success?”  You are still getting to know each other but you do know each other better than prior to date #1.  There has probably been at least one phone call and/or email since date #1.  Some aspects of date #2 are similar to date #1 and some aspects are steps forward from date #1.  We’ll break it down for you.

This is not the time for an all day or all night date.  Keep the date to a maximum of 4 hours.  You know that phrase “leave them wanting more?” well, it applies here.  Pick something low-key yet slightly more significant than date #1.  Go with dinner versus coffee or lunch and consider Friday or Saturday night versus a week night or Sunday afternoon.  This will send the message to your date that your interest is building.  If this is a “second chance” second date then opt for lunch on the weekend or a week night dinner.

Let your date know you were paying attention.  Ask him/her questions that relate to what you discussed or what your date shared on your first date.  This will demonstrate your genuine interest.  Make references to parts of the first date that were particularly enjoyable or memorable.  This will help develop a bond between you and your date as you comment on a shared experience.  Do open up a bit more compared to the first date.  Share some details of your week and perhaps share a fun, G-rated story about something that happened on a vacation or more historical, like when you were in high school or college.

Sometimes first dates can be strained due to nerves so if that was the case and the second date is going well, be sure to comment on how much you are enjoying yourself.  During these strained moments funny and/or embarrassing things can happen.  Perhaps use a bit of humor and let your date know you are confident enough to laugh at yourself.  Maybe on the first date you tripped over your own feet or spilled a drink.  Hey, that’s life!  Make a joke and show you can be a good sport versus moan and whine about it dwelling on how you always screw things up.

Steer away from topics such as religion, politics, past relationships, sex and the fact you have decided to see a therapist.  Remember, this is a SECOND DATE.  This is NOT a relationship.  This is much too early to get into these sensitive subjects.  Keep conversation light and upbeat.  Perhaps on the first date your date mentioned she had plans with her best friend for the coming week.  This would be a great time to ask her if she had a good time and how she and her best friend spent the evening.  Her response will give you some insight into her friendships and help you get to know her better.  And again, it shows you were paying attention on date #1.

Be cautious with physical contact.  Greeting your date with a hug and perhaps a kiss on the cheek is appropriate.  If handholding feels comfortable and develops during the date then go with it.  At the end of the date again a hug and kiss on the cheek is best.  If you and your date are really hitting it off and a kiss on the lips feels right then go with it.  You will know.  Verbal compliments have been given, there has been handholding during the date, you and your date are sitting/standing/walking in close proximity and at various times you and your date have made contact like a touch to the arm or back.  Have fun, this sounds like you could very well be headed to date #3 and beyond!

How have you handled date #2?  Please post your comments!

Do women often describe you as a “really nice guy” or a great “guy friend?”  Are the women who you find attractive often dating your friends?  Do women confide in you about their problems with other men they are dating? Have you found out that your sexual orientation was called into question by a woman you went out with and you are 100% straight?!  Listen, it’s great to be a person of integrity and to have the qualities of a solid friend but I’m guessing you don’t want to be celibate or stay single forever.  Dude, you have to make a move!

When you meet a woman for the first time, it is important to get the message across that you are boyfriend or at least date material.  First impressions are important.  You’ve got to find the balance here so you don’t come across as too safe (puts you in the friend category) or too aggressive (might be seen as sleazy or desperate).  Compliment her about something specific like her smile or her eyes.  Avoid using descriptive words like cute, sweet, sexy and great.  Go with beautiful, captivating or mesmerizing. 

Be sure to initiate some fun conversation with her.  Use some humor and a little sarcasm to create a special connection with her.  Joke with her, tease her a little, and make playful innuendos.  This type of banter takes you out of the flat, boring, formal interactions that you would have with a coworker or an acquaintance.  When you have your first phone call with her you can continue building this rapport.

Don’t whine or complain about past relationships or dates.  If you treat this woman like your mom or your therapist she is not going to view you as a potential date.  In addition, don’t become the guy she starts sharing guy problems with.  If she initiates this kind of topic, subtly yet quickly suggest a new topic or say something like “that’s sounds like it was a tough situation, I’m sure one of your girlfriends will have some great advice for you.”  If you aren’t careful you will end up in the friend zone for sure!

Let her know you have a life.  If she asks “what are you up to tomorrow?” be sure to have some plans to reference and then if you are interested in her, ask her for a date for a different day/time.  Women like men who are assertive and who are socially confident. 

You don’t always need to agree – don’t walk on eggshells, respectfully state your opinion even if it is different than hers.  This is a recipe for interesting conversation, not disaster and it again demonstrates confidence which is very attractive.  Always responding with “I totally agree” makes you seem like a doormat and in all honesty boring.

Keep in mind that not every woman you meet is going to be attracted to you.  Despite your best efforts you may end up getting the friend card.  It’s really okay; everyone has that experience at one time or another.  Dating is after-all a bit of a numbers game.  Dust yourself off, remember these tips and approach someone new.  More than likely your odds are better off with someone new as opposed to trying to get out of the friend zone with someone and trying to get back into the romantic zone.

Please share your experiences and comments!

There is that attractive guy at work, in your class or at the gym and you are trying to figure out how to let him know you are interested without being completely obvious, but direct enough so you don’t get put in the “friend” category.  This can be a little tricky!  This is someone you are going to see again so you want to avoid potential embarrassment.  You have already said hello, made eye contact, smiled and maybe chatted a few times.  You want to flirt enough so he sees you are interested in being more than friends but not so much so he thinks you just want to “hook up.”  Yes, there is some risk involved here, but remember, nothing ventured nothing gained.  Here are some tips to get your message across subtly, but not too subtly.

The direct approach – this is not for the faint of heart.  The next time you see him tell him you are interested in getting to know him better and then ask him out for coffee or lunch.  Now that you have stopped hyperventilating, remember I did mention this is not for those of you who are shy or introverted.  This approach is for those of you who are a bit more assertive.  What’s the worst thing that could happen?  He tells you he is involved with someone or he says he isn’t interested.  In either case, you move on with your head held high.  You won’t go on wondering “what if” and he feels very flattered.

Here are a couple of options that are a bit more subtle:

The damsel in distress approach – smile and say hello like you typically do with this hottie, and then ask him to meet for a one-on-one study session because you need help understanding points from the latest lecture.  Comment on his skills in the weight room and ask him to spot you while you lift some weights.  Meet up after hours over drinks to discuss the latest company changes.  Guys love to help, teach and guide you so give him an opportunity to flex his muscles literally or figuratively.  Any of these settings will give you a chance to have one-on-one conversation and perhaps flirt a bit – laugh at his jokes, touch his arm when making a point/comment and smile.

Focus on him – if you treat him like one of your girlfriends you are going to end up in the friend zone.  Do not talk about past relationships and what jerks guys are.  If you whine and cry about guy problems and your dysfunctional family and basically treat this guy like your therapist, he is not going to view you as a potential date or even remotely sexy.  You will come across as a scorned victim which is just not attractive.  Talk about what is positive in your life and ask him about himself.  Again, flirt to get your message across.  Offer a sincere compliment.  Don’t dress like a buddy, in your old sweats or like you are going to the office – dress like a girl, wear something that compliments you, wear a little perfume, etc. You get the idea.

How have you let that good-looking guy know you were interested? Please share your experiences and comments!

So you’re out on a date with a girl and you just can’t figure out if she is really into you or is just pretending to have a good time but can’t wait for the date to end.  Or, you want to approach a girl but you can’t tell based on her body language toward you whether or not she is interested in meeting you.  Girls are tricky and can be pretty confusing to many guys when they are trying to decide their next move. Does she want me to walk over to her and ask her to dance?  Is she looking at me because she is interested or because I have food in my teeth? Does she really want me to call her?  Did she enjoy our date? Again overanalyzing it will probably be crazy-making for you and in the end leave you with no real answers.  Just like our blog about decoding guy body language we are here to give you some helpful advice on how to read a girl’s body language.

 She is facing you while you both are talking.  If a girl is into you she will face you directly while talking but if she is talking to you and her body is facing the other direction then forget about it and move on. If her arms are folded across her chest she is probably not interested and it is best for you to cut the conversation short and try to get to know someone else.

She smiles A LOT!  If a girl is smiling throughout your conversation this is a pretty good sign that she likes what you are saying and is interested.

She does the ol’ “hair flip” aka “Charlie’s Angels.”  This might seem cheesy but girls do it (mostly because their friends tell them too) because they know that sometimes guys just need a really obvious move that shows a guy that she is into him, so take the cue guys!

She laughs at your jokes even if they aren’t funny.

She actively listens to you.  Just like a guy when a girl is making eye contact and displays other obvious facial clues that indicates she is listening, like a nod or a smile, then she is interested in you or at the very least interested in what you are saying.

She ignores her cell phone. If a girl’s phone rings or vibrates and she intentionally ignores it while she is starting a conversation with you then this is an obvious sign that she is interested in you.

And finally, again just like the opposite sex, the eyes have it.  The eyes may not be the windows to the soul but they can tell you a lot about a person since most eye movement is not controllable.  For example, someone who squints is usually uncomfortable in the conversation, arched eyebrows indicate interest, and when someone is blinking frequently beware of the lies!

What other powerful messages have you noticed about the body language of girls?  Please share comments with us so we don’t have to guess as much!

So you’re out on a date with a guy who is either a man of few words or is a little inconsistent in what he is saying and you’re confused: what does he really mean when he says he wants to see me again?  Is it true or is he feeding me a line?  Does he really want to call me?  Did he enjoy our date?  Or you’re at a bar with friends and see a cute guy that seems to be flirting but you’re not sure and think “Is he really looking at me and does he look interested? You could probably go on and on and analyze the heck out of the situation and come up with no answers.  Well we’d like to do what we can to help decode “guy body language” to help relieve some stress.  No it’s not completely scientific but a person’s body language can tell a lot about what they aren’t saying or tell if they really do mean what they are saying.

He is actively listening to you.  When a guy is making eye contact and displays other obvious facial clues that indicate he is listening, like a nod or a smile, then he is interested in you or at the very least interested in what you are saying.

He respects your personal space but subtly enters it.  The key here is subtle.  If a guy approaches your little bubble (which we all hold dear) and slowly enters it without completely invading it then he is showing interest in you and is flirting but is respectful.  An example of subtle might be asking if he can sit next to you at a bar or offering to pull out your chair as you do sit down.

He ignores his cell phone.  Even though this may be an obvious and expected response on a date (and we agree) it means much more if you are just flirting with someone.  If a guy’s phone rings or vibrates and he intentionally ignores it while he is starting up a chat with you then this is an obvious sign that he is interested in you more than the unknown caller on the other end of the phone.

He may touch you accidentally or not so accidentally but it will be discreet.  Being discreet is a brush of an arm or leg or a brief touch on the back that may appear even unconscious, if you didn’t’ know better

The eyes have it.  The eyes may not be the windows to the soul but they can tell you a lot about a person since most eye movement is not controllable.  For example, someone who squints is usually uncomfortable in the conversation, arched eyebrows indicate interest, and when someone is blinking frequently beware of the lies!

What other powerful messages have you noticed about the body language of guys?  Please share comments with us so we don’t have to guess as much!

Now that we’ve talked about HOW to flirt why not some pointers on WHERE to flirt.  Remember that flirting is not about a serious intention, it’s about spontaneous conversation that may or may not lead somewhere which is part of the fun.  

Do your grocery shopping late at night, around 9 pm or so when other singles shop and offer help or suggestions.  For example, suggest a certain spaghetti sauce (preferably to someone who is looking at them) or ask an interesting looking person for their advice on produce – people love to share advice!

Offer to help someone of the opposite sex carry his or her groceries.  This is one is even more of a nice surprise if you are a woman offering to help a man!

Forego the IPOD, paperback, or dare we say “walkman” at the gym and leave yourself a little open a little dialoge with other gym enthusiasts.  Pay someone a compliment, remember nothing cheesy, but a subtle question like “I’d like to get a little more definition in my back and arms, what do you suggest?” tells someone that you think they look pretty good and trustworthy and it gives him or her the opportunity to either help or give advice which, once again, most of us like to do.

Head to the Laundromat even if you have a washer and dryer at home.  Why you ask when I have a perfectly good system at home and the Laundromat is so boring?  Because there is NO ONE to flirt with at your house and it’s because the Laundromat is so boring that you are more likely connect with other singles. Bring some magazines and pass them around to others that look interesting and bored.

Go to a convention or expo, any somewhat interesting event where booths abound.  Strike up some casual conversation at a booth about whatever happens to be displayed on the table, i.e., have you read that book?  What other vendors look interesting around here? And see where it takes you. 

Get your car washed at the car wash.  Spend the time waiting striking up a little conversation.  Bring your dog, or a friend’s dog.  Dogs are great people magnets and conversation starters!

If you have any creative flirting ideas please share them!

I guess the first question would be “why should I flirt?”  Answer – because it’s an honest and fun way to express interest in another person without an “agenda.” It’s also a great way to meet new and interesting people who have the potential to be casual acquaintances, friends, companions or even a long-term partner.  At the very least you can benefit from flirting by feeling more comfortable talking to new people, improve communication, and have fun!

So here are some basic how-tos because even though flirting doesn’t always come naturally to everyone it can be a pretty easy skill to acquire, as long as you practice!

Smile.  Again, keep it simple and sincere and not an overdone ear-to-ear grin.  A simple, pleasant and sincere smile can be inviting or just friendly.  Set a goal to smile at 5 strangers a day.

Make eye contact – but not “eye to another body part” kind of contact. Flirting isn’t about sexual scrutiny and rest assured you will get caught!

When making eye contact instead of staring directly into his or her eyes which can make some people uncomfortable start by allowing your gaze to wander from his brow to his temple to his earlobe and then to his chin and then allowing your gaze to then rest at his eyes (like an upside down triangle).  This may feel awkward but with a little practice it should feel comfortable and quite effective

Be friendly but not insincere or too aggressive or “leering.”  That means winking, obvious eyebrow raises up and down, and whistling are definitely out of the question.  But a smile and a friendly hello are perfect.

Be open to sharing.  If you’re going to an outdoor sports event, parade, etc. bring an extra blanket or bring extra cups and a thermos.  Share your umbrella in the rain.

Pay someone a compliment but remember to keep it sincere and genuine and focus on things that money can’t buy.  Don’t compliment someone’s sweater or jewelry because it could have been a gift in which case the compliment means nothing or it may make you look materialistic.  Instead compliment how the color compliment’s his or her eyes. 

Embrace the power of a handshake.  The best handshake, hands down, is the hand-overhand clasp when you first meet someone new.  Both men and women benefit by feeling  important and cared for. 

These are just some starters to send you on your way into the world of flirting.  More tips and strategies will be talked about in How to Flirt Part 2.  Do you have any tips, pointers or flirting stories?  Please share!