We have all heard the “The bad guy always seem to get the girl,” or, “Nice guys finish last,” but is that really true? Do you have to treat a girl badly in order for her to like you? Does it always seem like women prefer the guy who won’t call instead of falling head over heels for the guy who does call, who does text you more than you text him, who does make a date with you and not stand you up for his friends? I know that a lot of guys think they need to be “bad” to get the girl and probably get pretty confused when they are told they have to be strong yet sensitive (yet not too sensitive otherwise you might look pathetic). No wonder why nice guys really aren’t sure how to really treat a woman. Well we will try to set the record straight for guys out there and shed some light on a somewhat fuzzy phenomenon of nice guys versus bad guys!

Bad boys are usually pretty confident, or at least come across that way and that is a turn-on for women. Women love it when a guy is confident and dare we say a little “cocky” in order for our interest to be perked. Arrogant is a no-no but a little cocky is attractive. Bad boys give girls the impression that they are worth the work, which makes them even more desirable. Bad boys aren’t pushovers and they don’t accommodate every demand or whim a woman has.

Bad boys aren’t needy. They aren’t clingy and they don’t call ALL OF THE TIME. They call or text once and that’s it. They make women wonder what they are doing some of the time and then we start thinking “Where is he? What hasn’t he called? hmmm, is he with another girl? Well you get the picture.

Bad boys can be a challenge. Often women will get caught up in a challenge without really wanting the “prize” (which of course we don’t realize) and then once the challenge is gone so is the girl. We know this sounds confusing boys but fear not, you don’t need to be a total challenge to the get the girl. If she is into you and not just the challenge she will stick around. If she ditches you once she’s got you then she wasn’t in it for you (the reward) after all it was just the thrill of the chase, much like the cat catching the mouse because the mouse is running not because she’s actually wanting the mouse itself.

Bad guys are mysterious and many girls love the dark and mysterious nature of guy. You know the catch phrases “Strong and maybe silent but deadly (translation ‘hot’).” We are curious and we want to know information that doesn’t come easy to us. Most women tend to problem-solve and analyze (at the risk of overgeneralizing of course) despite ourselves.

We are not suggesting that all guys should all be Mr. Bad Guy. However “what women typically find attractive” is something that guys should pay attention to and modify or incorporate into their own personality. What’s wrong with becoming a little more confident, refraining from sharing too much about yourself too soon in a dating relationship and standing up for yourself when you need to? How you perceive yourself is what matters the most. If you can increase your confidence, either through your work or personal life then you will naturally become more attractive. Go for what you want and expect to get it, or should we say her?:)

He’s such a nice guy; everyone loves him. He’s got a great job, he calls you every time he says he will, your friends think he’s great, he’s cute, funny, and you have a great time together. He’s perfect, except for one thing…. you’re just not feeling it. How can that be? What’s missing? Well, sometimes a guy can be Mr. Right on paper but when it comes down to it, something’s missing and you just can’t put your finger on it. Just keep in mind that every day you spend with the wrong guy is another day gone by when you aren’t available to the right guy. Here are some red flags you might want to pay attention to help you figure out just how into him you really are.

1. You think to yourself, if he just played a little hard to get or was just not as nice. If you want him to rework his personality in order to make him more attractive then you may not be that into him.

2. It doesn’t bother you when he doesn’t call and when he does you are in no rush to call him back. You find yourself not really thinking of him or missing him at all when you aren’t together. When you’re first dating a guy you are really into you think about him all of the time and your heart skips a beat every time he calls. You want to call him back right away even if you’re head tells you to play a little hard to get.

3. When you kiss him the sparks are somewhat lacking or you may even be distracted by what isn’t quite right with the kiss. You might think “Well no kiss is perfect” but remember when the chemistry is right, even though we all appreciate a good technique, it’s not necessarily the technique that makes your tummy tingle it’s the right guy that releases the butterflies.

4. You don’t talk about him to your friends. We don’t expect you to monopolize the conversation with your friends talking about your boyfriend, because girls do have other things to talk about, but you really don’t talk about him at all. It may feel like you don’t really have anything to say about him, hmmmm…

5. You find yourself telling him that you really aren’t looking for a serious relationship and you want things to be casual. You say you don’t mind if he dates other girls, and you mean it. Usually if you are really into a guy you don’t want him to date other girls, not only because we are competitive but also because we want a guy we really are into to be all ours and no one else’s. If you don’t really mind sharing him, then you probably aren’t that into him.

Please share with our readers other signs that you notice about yourself when you just aren’t into a guy!

I know it sounds sarcastic saying that the single girl loves Valentine’s Day but it can be true believe it or not.  With all of the hype surrounding Valentine’s Day and the fact that you can’t go into a store without seeing red hearts everywhere it’s no wonder that a single girl might start to feel out of the loop so to speak and not so happy about being single.  So since Valentine’s Day is here to stay, like it or not, why not embrace it and make it the best Valentine’s Day ever!  Here are some tips to help you really enjoy this particular day of the year.

For starters if you feel compelled to dwell negatively about being single on Valentine’s Day then sit down and force yourself to think about it for 5 minutes straight and then stop and don’t think about it again. You’ll be surprised at the fact that 5 minutes will actually seem to drag on and might become boring which means that you have no reason to dwell on any negative feelings later in the day.  And whatever you do think about refrain think about missing your ex.  Your ex is your ex for a reason so you’re lucky to not have to spend this Valentine’s Day with him!

Send flowers to a girlfriend of yours (that’s just a friend) and tell her how much you value her friendship.  Buy them early because of course the cost of flowers skyrocket the closer we approach the “big day.”

Get all of your closest single friends together for a “slumber party.”  You could go out but again the price of dinner and drinks on this night are ridiculously high so staying in can be a better bet.  Rent chick flicks, action movies, or even a Friday the 13^th marathon and really take advantage of being single.

Make an agreement with yourself and your other single friends that each one of you will do something extra special for yourself like get a massage, buy a new blouse, get your hair done etc. especially since this is the money you would have spent on a significant other. Make yourself significant.

Take the day off work and have a friend of yours do the same.  There is no need to sit around the office as girls in other cubicles get overpriced flowers delivered to them.  Do something fun with your friend and embrace being single!

During this time of year of parties, family, and romance if you are single you may be tempted to try a little harder when it comes to dating.  We are all for taking an extra step when it comes to dating but we do feel compelled to remind you of some do’s and don’ts that we standby in most situations.  Remember to think with your head.

Don’t recycle old boyfriends.  You may feel tempted to contact some ex’s to just say “hi.”  Well there is probably nothing “just” about it and if it didn’t work the first time, it won’t this time.  You’re better off picking a new fish from the sea rather than the one you threw back the first time.

Do feel proud to be single.  Even if you’re not totally feeling it take pride in your singlehood.  Keep in mind that just because the “grass may look greener” over on the couple side doesn’t necessarily mean that it is greener!

Don’t drink too much on your date.  This is especially important to remember during the holidays when libations seem to abound.

And since we are talking about drinking, don’t ”drink and hook up” at your office Holiday party.  We kid you not it does happen and when it does it leaves a trail of rumors, embarrassment, and gossip and that’s just for starters!  

Don’t date people who are unavailable.  This includes people who have a boyfriend or girlfriend or spouse.  Don’t fall for any excuse they give, just consider them off limits.

 Do stay positive and try to have a good time, even if it isn’t the greatest date you’ve ever been on.  Make the most of the moment and keep a positive outlook.  But if you aren’t having a good time at all don’t hesitate to end the date.  Your time is valuable and if you can’t wait for a date to end then end it early and don’t feel bad about it.

And remember our first date reminders - meet your first date in a public place.  Why take the risk of meeting in private when there are plenty of fun public venues for a first date.  Save the “intimacy” for another date.  Don’t drink too much especially during the holiday season when libations abound.  Don’t talk about your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend.  And, remember to LISTEN to your date as he or she talks.  

Have fun and happy holidays!

Right around Halloween the Christmas decorations started popping up in various stores.  I know, you were groaning to yourself “already, really?”  Well, now that Thanksgiving has come and gone, the holiday season is in full swing.  It seems like everyone around you has coupled up and is preparing for romantic holiday celebrations. Every television ad is either for a jewelry store with some incredibly happy couple getting engaged or something involving a scene of a perfect looking family having a perfect holiday meal together.  As a single girl, are you excited and looking forward to celebrating with family and friends or are you trying to figure out how to somehow sleep for the next few weeks and wake up on January 2nd and avoid the whole thing?  Are you ready to throw a sharp object at your television in order to stop the barrage of happy holiday ads?  Your attitude about this time of year is the main ingredient to what will make it a time of celebration versus something to be “survived.”  I encourage you to put away your Sex and the City DVDs that you pulled out for a marathon and look at the holidays from a different vantage point.  I’m here to tell you that it is possible for the holiday season to be fun, exciting and relaxing versus agonizing, stressful and exhausting.  Doesn’t that sound great?!  How you ask?  Please, read on!

Consider these statements:  Every day is an adventure.  Your life is full of possibilities.  Repeat these statements to yourself daily.  Since you are single you have the option of making all of the decisions.  This is very empowering.  There is no reason for you to wait around for Mr. Right to have a great time.  You get to decide if you stay in, go out, check out the Christmas lights, bake cookies, go shopping, visit with friends or family, or perhaps book a vacation!  

Why wait for an invitation?  Plan your own holiday party.  Contact your single friends and ask them all to bring a friend or two to your holiday bash.  Be sure to invite some couples too to avoid your party looking like a singles event!  Make some great food, create a signature holiday drink and keep it lively with some festive music.  Have a white elephant gift exchange to encourage laughter and conversation.  Be sure to wear a great outfit – it’s your party and your night to shine!

Accept party invitations!  Yes, there are other single people during the holidays and a party is a great place to meet them.  Treat yourself to a new outfit or a new accessory or simply wear something that you know is flattering and walk into that party with confidence.  Prior to going to the party recall movies you have seen, places you have traveled and books you have read so you will feel ready for some interesting conversation.  If the host allows and it will help you feel more confident, bring a friend.  This may help you get over the anxiety of walking in alone.  Once you are there, smile, make eye contact and work the room!

Take a trip!  If you are pretty adventurous consider a solo vacation to an exciting destination.  Or, perhaps you have a girlfriend who would enjoy a trip as well.  Another option is an organized singles’ vacation.  A spa vacation is certainly a relaxing way to go.  Based on my first tip, you have the freedom to do what you choose.  This could be a great time to recharge your batteries and relax on a sunny beach or ski the snowy slopes.  Remember, your life is full of possibilities.

Have a cookie exchange with your girlfriends.  Each girl bakes 2 dozen cookies (coordinate with them so all are different types) and then when you get together to gossip and have a spiked glass of eggnog you sample some tasty treats as well as package some up to take home.  You now have a great mix of cookies that you can take to that family gathering and impress those relatives who you only see once a year.

Go ahead and decorate your home.  Who says you have to be married or have a family to put up holiday decorations??  If holiday decorations make you happy then surround yourself with them!  Get a tree, light a menorah, hang stockings and string lights!  Remember, this is about celebrating!

Come up with a great come-back for the relatives or friends who insist on asking “so why don’t you have a boyfriend” or “aren’t you ever going to get married?”  Try asking back “why do you ask?”  This is sure to stump the inquisitor and leave him or her stammering.  Or perhaps smile slyly and say “oh, there are just too many adventures to be had to settle down just yet.”  Be sure to have a story ready to give as an example of something only a single girl would have the opportunity to do.

Some other ways to spend your time, especially if you have time off from work during the holidays:  read, exercise (gotta burn off those Christmas cookies!), go through your closet and donate your old clothes and shoes, see a chick flick or two, treat yourself to a spa day, catch up on rest and volunteer your time to a worthy cause – giving of yourself helps you to focus on what you have versus what you do not.

Single girls - How do you plan to spend the holidays?  What are some good holiday experiences you can share?  Please post your comments.

One of the trickiest and least talked about parts of dating someone new or at least “somewhat new” is how to figure out the right kind of gift to buy him or her without sending mixed messages.  Keeping it simple is important but simple can be tricky when it comes to trying to send the right message.  We have some pointers to help you figure out what kind of gift is the “right kind of gift” for that special girl or guy in your life.

When talking about buying gifts for your partner two general considerations are significant: how long have you been dating and are you exclusive?

If you have been dating less than 3 months. Relationships this new would warrant keeping the cost lower and under $50.   If you are exclusive, and both of you have agreed that you are, then this relationship might be heading down the road of “long term” and the gift should be a little more personal.  Find out what kind of music your partner likes and consider a CD that features his or her favorite artist or band.  Flowers are a great option for both guys and girls and guys are especially taken off guard and flattered when a girl buys them flowers.  Just make sure the type of flower sends the right message ie., red roses signify love, white and yellow roses signify friendship etc.  You don’t necessarily have to spend money on a gift because a homemade gift might be even more appreciated.  Consider baking cookies or a home-cooked meal that comes from the heart.

If you have been dating 3 to 9 months.  Since most short term relationships end before the start of the fourth month anything after that is heading for long term commitment and the tab can start going up and seen as an investment in the relationship.  Spend anywhere from $100 to $250 in 3 month increments; around $100 for relationships that are 3 - 6 months and around $250 for relationships that are 6 months to 9 months. Women love spa days so a gift certificate for a massage, pedicure or facial is always a welcomed present for that special woman in your life.  For all the ladies out there buying gifts most guys love mechanical gadgets so take a trip to your local Sharper Image and look at picking up the newest portable electric toy or tool (ask your salesperson for help). Or if your guy is an avid alumnae of his college check the campus online store for a personal gift that he would enjoy.

If you have been dating 9 to 12 months.  Spend more than $250 and less than $500.  There are many great gifts that you can get in this price range for a girl or guy that they might love.  A weekend getaway can be a great choice for either sex.  Again girls generally love to be pampered so a full spa day that she wouldn’t probably buy for herself might be really appreciated.  And for you girls out there who are stuck in trying to figure out that perfect gift for your guy try pair of prime seat tickets to his favorite sport if not with you then one of his guy friends.

The right gift for your new or long-term love interest can send the right message and impress him or her, and the wrong gift can well, definitely not impress.  Please share any other gift ideas or gifts gone bad with us and with our readers!

I’m sure that most guys know the basics of how to ask a girl out on a date but the real trick is to ensure that she says “yes!”  If we can help with a little advice to keep the odds a little more in your favor then we will!  Here are some tips that you might not have considered before but should increase your odds.

1.     Suggest getting together on a weeknight versus the weekend.  When thinking of going out on a date most of us think that the weekend is the best time because we don’t have to wake up as early in the morning and generally speaking that is our free time.  The problem with that is that our free time isn’t abundant so that may be our only free time and we may not want to set that aside for a first date.  If you ask a girl out on a weeknight she also may be more likely to say yes since many people also plan out their weekends well in advance and a first date can really add some fun to a regular boring evening.

2.     Suggest more than one date (evening) as an option so you don’t box yourself in to a 50/50 chance. Say something like “Would you like to go out for coffee or a drink next week either on Wednesday or Thursday?”

3.     Offer a couple of suggestions for locations like a coffee house or wine bar.  Don’t make yourself soundtoo available so don’t say that you are open to getting together every night,  just the option of a couple of days.  Busy is attractive but too busy can also be a turnoff.  If she really does want to go out with you she will try to make time but sometimes a girl does have another commitment so try to give more than one option. 

4.     Don’t approach a girl that’s with a  group of friends unless you absolutely have to.  Try to wait until she is alone before asking her out.  You both don’t need the added pressure of a bunch of people around to make you nervous or worse yet affect whether she says yes or no.

5.     Pay attention to her body language (read our other blog article if stuck).  Approach her if she looks approachable but don’t if she looks upset, angry or busy.

6.     It’s okay to ask a girl out over the phone but don’t leave a message asking her out and please don’t ask her out via text!

Remember that “no” means no so if she says it, she means it.  Cut your losses and move on to the next candidate.  After all it is a numbers game!

Please share all of your tips and advice with our male readers because we all could use a little help with the opposite sex.