More than likely, you have all heard the term “Player” and probably have a general sense of what it means.  The term is usually associated with men however, is not gender specific and can be used to refer to a guy or a girl.  Basically, a Player is an individual who intentionally plays mind games with those he/she has an interest in.  A Player will use these mind games to gain the attention of someone even if the attention is temporary, for example just for the evening while out at a club or bar.  Typically a Player is trying to win the affections of more than one individual usually without any of them knowing about the other.  Have you met this guy or girl?  Have you been the victim of these mind games?  Are you uncertain how to identify a player or recognize if you are actually dating a Player?  Well, we are going to help you out because this is the type of individual you want to avoid in the dating world.

The 7 telltale signs you are dating a Player:

1. The Player cancels and reschedules your first date a couple times. This guy or girl has many individuals he is pursuing at the same time and is juggling several first dates which will inevitably lead to canceling and rescheduling. He/she is trying to determine which date is going to best suit his/her needs on any particular day.
2. The Player asks you for weeknight dates only. He/she wants to leave options open to meeting more potential conquests on the weekends. He/she does not want to give you the impression you are in a relationship by giving up weekend nights to spend them with you.
3. The Player doesn’t introduce you to friends or family. Again, this guy/girl wants to leave options open and if they introduce you to friends or family they are limited and run the risk of you finding out about another one of his/her objects of affection.
4. The Player calls you last minute for dates. Hello! Seriously? Do any of you know the phrase Booty Call! Well, this is no better. Often the Player’s focus is sex. He/she will make you feel very special and you will be given the impression that you have a future together. You are better than that! Don’t fall into this trap!
5. The Player consistently cancels dates at the last minute. What he/she is telling you is something or more accurately someone “better” came up. He/she is now looking very mysterious to you and even that much more attractive. This illustrates the old concept of “you want what you can’t have.” Don’t fall prey to this mind game!
6. The Player introduces you as his/her “friend.” If he/she does introduce you to friends or family it is only as a “friend.” By doing so, there is no implied relationship and this is also a way of not looking like a Player or a sleaze-bag by introducing multiple boyfriends or girlfriends to friends or family. In addition, you are not given the impression that you and your Player are exclusive.
7. The Player is selfish. This is not the person who is going to bring you soup when you are sick at home. Basically, you are no good to him/her in that condition. At a time like that the Player might “disappear” for a few days for some vague mysterious reason. He/she will be able to provide you with a legitimate excuse that sounds very convincing.

What experiences have you had with a Player?  Please share your comments!

Why is it that so many single people get a pity look from friends and family if they mention that they happen to be single? Even your “unhappily married” friends seem to want to set you up, and why is that? It makes no sense! Single life can be one of the best times in your life if you fully take advantage of it and we are here to help you on your way to embrace being single and to stop seeing yourself as “in between relationships.” Here are some reasons why being single can be great!

You get to spend time with your friends whenever you want without having to coordinate with someone else’s schedule, other than your friend’s that is.

You can be friends with members of the opposite sex freely without having to “explain” the friendship.

You are actually encouraged to flirt!.

You can spend you’re money on whatever frivolous item you want and do not have to explain the expense to anyone. (like overpriced game tickets or a nice pair of Jimmy Choos)

You only have one family to accommodate (as opposed to two sets of relatives to squeeze in to your life).

You don’t have to worry about being nagged! If you’re a guy the most common complaint we hear is that we girls can be a little bossy and “mommy-like” at times.  Yikes!

You can wear your jammies all day and if you’re a guy you can wear the same clothes three days in a row if you want or even your too small Metallica cutoff t-shirt!

You can focus your time on you and really getting to know yourself and what you want out of life.

You can be spontaneous! At the drop of a hat you can take off on a girl’s trip, guy’s trip, or even on your own for as long as you want without having to answer to anyone (other than maybe your boss that is.)

You get the remote control to yourself, can rent whatever chick flick or war movie peaks your interest, and can even fall asleep in front of the tv without worrying about anything!

There are probably another 100 reasons (at least) that you should be grateful and happy to be single, but we thought we would just get the ball rolling with a few.  Please share other reasons with our readers!

Have you been asked by friends, dates and romantic partners to ease up on the texting?  Do you sometimes question if a situation warrants a phone call versus a text?  Well, you are not alone.  We are here to give you some guidelines regarding texting, a technological phenomenon that has become the preferred mode of communication for many people in a multitude of situations.  Whether you send one text per month or you have tendonitis in your fingers from constant texting; dating, love and texting have become irrevocably intertwined.  Texting can be a quick and easy way to get a message out to someone without disrupting their day.  On the flip-side, much gets lost in the transfer because all of the non-verbal (body language, laughter, eye contact vs. no eye contact) aspects of communication are absent in a text.  In addition, tone of voice is missing in a text so it’s easy to send the “wrong” message.

When texting is okay (short list):

Simple messages – had a great first date?  Sure, send a text saying “I had a great time last night!”  Be sure to wait at least a few hours the next day versus texting the second you wake up.  Lost and running late?  Sure, send a text saying “missed the exit but I’m on my way” – be sure you are not texting while actually driving; you’ll have to pull over!!  Want to confirm plans?  Sure, send a text saying “I’ll see you tomorrow at 7 pm, looking forward to it.”

Flirting – does it seem like whenever that special guy or girl is around you get tongue-tied.  Perhaps texting a cute/sweet message will break the ice and reduce your anxiety so you’ll be more able to do some face-to-face flirting next time you see him/her. 

Keeping the fire burning – Once you are dating someone an occasional fun or even steamy text can increase romance and keep you on his/her mind.  Note, I said OCCASIONAL!  You don’t want to smother this person with text messages or you run the risk of looking desperate or like you are stalking via text.

When texting is not okay (longer list):

As a replacement for conversation – no, a text is not “just as good.”  For involved, meaningful conversation your date or partner needs to hear your voice; if not face-to-face then via telephone.  The real you is not digital, it is human, flesh and blood and your voice.  If you really want to bond with someone and develop a romantic connection then let him/her hear your voice. 

On a date – the person you are on a date with is going to feel annoyed and ignored.  He or she will interpret your texting as a sign that you are not very attracted or interested.  This is just plain rude.  If you are on a date then give that individual your undivided attention.  How else are you going to figure out if there is a connection and potential for date number 2?

To make a date or break a date – unless you are 14 years old, this is just unacceptable.  If you want to spend time with someone then make the effort to ask them out in a phone call.  If you can’t make it for a date then show the person some respect and make a phone call to let them know you need to cancel the plans and make a new date – if that is your intent.

To break up – no, no, no!  Now, I believe we have mentioned this in other posts, but it’s worth mentioning again.  If you have been seeing someone long enough that ending it warrants an actual break-up and as long as you don’t fear for your safety then you owe this person a live conversation to address the issue at hand.  Wouldn’t you want that common courtesy if the shoe was on the other foot?

Sending compromising photos – trust me, don’t do it!  I cannot tell how many horror stories I’ve heard regarding this one.  Remember, once it is out there, it is out there.  That photo can be sent to anyone at any time.  It could also be posted online.  This is classless and could be dangerous.

If you have been drinking – make a pact with a friend that if you have had a few too many he or she will confiscate your phone/blackberry.  Drunk- texting is not pretty and could get you into serious trouble.

So, I hope this is helpful in clearing up any confusion related to dating and texting.  Just to recap, text an address, a quick hello or a picture of your dog or cat.  If what you need to say is more involved than that, pick up the phone! 

Please share your experiences with dating and texting!

Okay ladies, I think we all might need a reminder as to what guys really want in a woman. Even though we’ve talked about this stuff before for some reason we seem to forget or stop doing what works and think we know best when it comes to guys. Well we don’t because we are girls so tune in for the reshresher:

Avoid the negativity. Guys simply do not want to spend time with a woman who has a constant negative attitude and criticizes everything. Of course everyone has his or her good and bad days but if you are sporting a negative “Debbie downer-like” attitude 24/7 your guy will lose interest – regardless as to how hot you might look.

Don’t speak badly about your body or your appearance. Guys love a confident woman. Not cocky or arrogant, but confident. This pretty much goes for both sexes but all guys you talk to will tell you that a woman who is comfortable with herself and her body is a real turn on. If you are critical of yourself then it’s time to work on accepting and loving yourself. If you do that then that love can be contagious.

Skip the work or friend gossip and save that conversation for your girlfriends. Guys don’t have or want to have the attention span to listen to us babble on and on about what “Susie” did at dance class, or what “Barbara” said to her sister. They aren’t interested so skip that conversation if you want to hold your guy’s interest.

Show off your “smarts.” It’s a myth that most guys like a girl to play dumb. Guys like a girl who uses her brain confidently. You don’t need to be rocket scientist but be comfortable talking about the things you know and the response from your guy may surprise you in a very positive way.

Guys like it when a girl is self-sufficient. If you can take care of yourself financially and are independent guys will admire you for it.

Guys are attracted to your smell. Yes we said it, they like the way women smell, usually after a shower especially with fresh shampooed hair. Trust me, I’ve asked them and this is what they tell me. Although they love a pretty floral scent there’s something like the au-natural scent of a woman that turns a guy on (may go hand in hand with wearing his dress shirt and donning a baseball cap) – we’re still working on that research !

Share your thoughts guys on anything else you like in a woman!

You have been dating exclusively for a while, you have strong feelings for this person, and you think you may love them, it feels too soon to utter those 3 little words, and you are trying to figure out how they feel about you.  This is a common dating dilemma.  This is more likely the women who are trying to figure this out, but guys, please read this because it is important for you to know the signals you are sending – either intentionally or unintentionally. 
Often guys express how they feel about you in their actions versus their words.  Guys – tell me if you disagree with this!  Generally, women are more verbal – we want to talk about things, right?  This can make the language of love a little tricky!  I believe this is one of the ways dating gets complicated and we misread one another.
I would like to point out some different ways that your guy may be telling you he has very strong feelings for you and may be moving in the direction of love.

He calls you just to say hello and hear your voice, not just to make plans.  A significant number of men are not into phone conversation so this is an indication he is very interested in you.  You are important enough for him to take time out of his day to just touch base and chat.

He asks you questions about your day.  He asks you about your plans, goals and your history.  He listens intently and appears invested and interested in what is going on in your world.

He stocks his kitchen with food and drinks you like.  A great example is when my husband and I were dating he started keeping decaffeinated coffee in his cupboard since he knew I didn’t drink regular coffee.  This type of gesture, however small, is letting you know he pays attention and your likes and dislikes are important to him.

He shares his future plans and goals with you and wants to know what you think.  Perhaps he uses the word “we” or “us” on occasion.  This is an indication that he is considering your opinion when making plans and is starting to imagine you in his future.

Meeting the family is a significant sign of intense like or love.  Most men do not just introduce any girl to his family.  If a guy tells you he wants you to meet his family he is sending a message that means “I want you to be more involved in my world and I see a future with you.”

He is affectionate in public.  No, I don’t mean groping and sloppy making out!  I mean, he puts his arm around you, he holds your hand while you are walking and gives you a discreet kiss either on the lips (no tongue!), forehead or cheek.

How else do you know if your guy has strong feelings for you or perhaps loves you??  How do you show your girlfriend you love her without saying those 3 little words??  Please post your comments!

Here’s the first situation: you met this great guy and went out on terrific date and he said he would call but now it’s day 3 and you haven’t heard from him.  Answer: don’t call.  Just don’t. If you were the one saying you would call him then you would and if you didn’t then you aren’t really into him.  Well the same applies to him. If he said he would call then let him and if he doesn’t then let it go.  Second scenario: I guy you’ve been dating off and on for a little while has stopped calling or texting you.  When you contact him his responses are short if he responds at all.  He may make some “tentative” plans but then blows you off.  Bottom line, you need to stop calling him and you know it, but how do stop yourself?

It’s easier said than done and deep down we all know that we shouldn’t call or text when the actions aren’t reciprocated but somehow someway our little minds convince us that just “checking in” is a good idea.  Bad idea!  We only know that because we end up feeling miserable after, especially if he doesn’t call or text back.  We wait and wait for a response and if it comes it’s never really the response we want.  What we want to hear is “Oh my God I am glad you called me because I’ve been trying to find your number all over the place and your friends haven’t called me back to tell me how to get a hold of you.  I miss you so much and can’t stop thinking about you.  When can I see you again??  Is tonight too soon??”  or something of that sort.  What we typically get however is “hey sorry I’ve been really busy” or some other excuse that leaves us thinking, “Why did I call him?  What was I thinking??  He always does this and I’m always the one calling him.  I’m not doing that again! Until the next time rolls around and so on.  If this situation sounds familiar to you then you know what you have to do. 

The first thing you shouldn’t do is try to figure out why he isn’t calling.  Who knows why?  And figuring out the big answer to that question, if you possibly can,  won’t make him magically call.  The fact is he isn’t calling you for whatever reason and knowing the answer as to why isn’t going to change anything.

The next thing you need to do is to call a friend of yours that you can rely on to be available and whenever you feel the urge to call or text Mr. Un-wonderful call your friend instead.  Try to role-play out with your friend what this conversation might sound like if you were to call him and then decide for yourself if it’s worth it.  Chances are it will sound like every other conversation with him in this same situation that leaves you feeling pretty bummed. 

Whatever you do don’t act on impulse.  If you feel like you want to call him honestly ask yourself “why?”  Don’t make an excuse like “I need to know the name of that restaurant we went to” etc.  If the real answer is because you just want to talk to him then decide whether calling is worth the risk.  What we mean is that really there is nothing wrong with calling if you are getting the response you want.  But, if you keep doing the same thing and get the same negative response then you will drive yourself insane.  You can’t keep doing something over and over expecting a different outcome.  If you want a different outcome then you need you need to do something different.

If the pressure of calling him is getting to you then try to stall what you think is inevitable.  Set a timer and see how long you can go without calling.  By doing this you may be able to get over the impulse through distraction.  Don’t sit and look at the timer but do something distracting like water your plants, read our blog :), call a friend, and then see if the urge to call is still overpowering you.  Even if you do end up calling him the longer you can hold out the better and you will feel stronger the next time.  Remember to cut yourself some slack if you do call because it isn’t the end of the world it just didn’t really change anything.  You know that the calling and texting you’re doing isn’t good for you because don’t feel good afterward and that’s why you know it’s better to stop.  So if you give in to the urge to call don’t beat yourself up just give yourself a hug after and remind yourself that you are a desirable amazing woman and bring that self-esteem back up!

Please share any tips or advice that you have with our readers to help everyone from “calling that guy!”