Thank you so much for contacting us and posting a question.  Based on your email, it sounds like you two were off to a good start, but without a little more detail we can’t give you quite as much feedback as we’d like. For example, you said that you felt like she was attracted to you prior to the date.   Does that mean you spent some time together before the date, or perhaps you spoke on the phone frequently before April1st? Did she seem motivated to go out with you, or did it take a while to set up the date?  

Based on your description of the situation this is what we think: It’s actually hard to tell based on her cancellation of the date whether or not she is giving you the brush off.  The problem with texting is that most texts are brief and can be misleading when the blanks aren’t filled in. In addition, there is no tone with a text.  Rather than over-thinking it, our suggestion is to wait a few days and then send her a text just checking in.  Text something like “Are you feeling better?  Would you like to reschedule our date?”  And then leave it at that. If you hear back from her then great, if not then let her go.  Back off from offering to help her out with anything else like homework etc., and if she responds with a simple “I’m feeling better, thanks.” then don’t repeat the “date offer” just say “I’m glad.”  If she does say she is ready to reschedule then give her a call and set up the date via telephone.  Sticking with something low-key like lunch is a good idea.  Again, if she responds simply with “I’m feeling better.” then avoid offering up anything more.  Unless she asks you a question don’t text one to her, meaning don’t give her more than you get from her, make her work a little for this since she’s the one who cancelled. If she wants to get together with you she will take the bait of a simple, brief, one lined text. 

Please let us know what happens.

Michelle and Michelle

Has anyone else encountered a situation like this?  What experiences can you share?  Please post your comments and feedback to J!

Congratulations!  You made it through your first date AND plans have been made for date #2!  You have either done this because the first date was amazing or because the first date was so-so but you feel it is worth a second date to see if maybe you and/or your date were just nervous.  In other words, you are willing to give him/her one last chance.  It really will be the final chance because if things aren’t clicking by date #2 it’s probably best to move on.  Now you are probably thinking “how do I make sure date #2 is a success?”  You are still getting to know each other but you do know each other better than prior to date #1.  There has probably been at least one phone call and/or email since date #1.  Some aspects of date #2 are similar to date #1 and some aspects are steps forward from date #1.  We’ll break it down for you.

This is not the time for an all day or all night date.  Keep the date to a maximum of 4 hours.  You know that phrase “leave them wanting more?” well, it applies here.  Pick something low-key yet slightly more significant than date #1.  Go with dinner versus coffee or lunch and consider Friday or Saturday night versus a week night or Sunday afternoon.  This will send the message to your date that your interest is building.  If this is a “second chance” second date then opt for lunch on the weekend or a week night dinner.

Let your date know you were paying attention.  Ask him/her questions that relate to what you discussed or what your date shared on your first date.  This will demonstrate your genuine interest.  Make references to parts of the first date that were particularly enjoyable or memorable.  This will help develop a bond between you and your date as you comment on a shared experience.  Do open up a bit more compared to the first date.  Share some details of your week and perhaps share a fun, G-rated story about something that happened on a vacation or more historical, like when you were in high school or college.

Sometimes first dates can be strained due to nerves so if that was the case and the second date is going well, be sure to comment on how much you are enjoying yourself.  During these strained moments funny and/or embarrassing things can happen.  Perhaps use a bit of humor and let your date know you are confident enough to laugh at yourself.  Maybe on the first date you tripped over your own feet or spilled a drink.  Hey, that’s life!  Make a joke and show you can be a good sport versus moan and whine about it dwelling on how you always screw things up.

Steer away from topics such as religion, politics, past relationships, sex and the fact you have decided to see a therapist.  Remember, this is a SECOND DATE.  This is NOT a relationship.  This is much too early to get into these sensitive subjects.  Keep conversation light and upbeat.  Perhaps on the first date your date mentioned she had plans with her best friend for the coming week.  This would be a great time to ask her if she had a good time and how she and her best friend spent the evening.  Her response will give you some insight into her friendships and help you get to know her better.  And again, it shows you were paying attention on date #1.

Be cautious with physical contact.  Greeting your date with a hug and perhaps a kiss on the cheek is appropriate.  If handholding feels comfortable and develops during the date then go with it.  At the end of the date again a hug and kiss on the cheek is best.  If you and your date are really hitting it off and a kiss on the lips feels right then go with it.  You will know.  Verbal compliments have been given, there has been handholding during the date, you and your date are sitting/standing/walking in close proximity and at various times you and your date have made contact like a touch to the arm or back.  Have fun, this sounds like you could very well be headed to date #3 and beyond!

How have you handled date #2?  Please post your comments!