We have all been there at some point, probably more than once, single on your birthday that is.  I am here to tell you this is not the end of the world.  You do have a decision to make though.  You can either have a pity party or you can celebrate the day of your birth.  Trust me, I do get it, it can be difficult to motivate yourself to plan your own celebration.  It really depends on your overall view and attitude about being single.

Some see single as interchangeable with “alone” or “lonely” while others see it as “free.”   If you have recently gone through a break-up you might be feeling more alone as your special day approaches.  On the flip side, perhaps you are enjoying the single life and see your special day filled with opportunities.  Male and female differences factor in here as well.  Generally speaking, we girls tend to long for that special guy to plan a spectacular birthday celebration and give us an amazing, thoughtful gift.  Guys typically don’t get as caught up in birthdays in the same way.  Yes, he will enjoy it if there is a special girl who goes out of her way to make a big deal out of his birthday, but he is less likely to think “I can’t possibly go out on my birthday, I’m single!” 

Keep in mind that whether you are single or attached your birthday is still a special day.  There are bound to be friends and family thinking of you on this day.  Your family, your friend group, dare I say, the world is forever changed because you are here!  You are unique and important!  How’s that for a positive attitude?!

Here are some tips to make your “single” birthday a true celebration:

Buy yourself a gift.  I’m sure there is an outfit, a pair of earrings, a golf club, or a new pair of sunglasses you would love to have.  Splurge!  It is your special day and you deserve it!  Money is tight?  Treat yourself to just a little something – the book you have wanted to read, a scented candle, new golf balls – pick something that you know you will enjoy.

Pamper yourself with a massage or a spa treatment of some kind.  Perhaps treat yourself to a round of golf at a great golf course.  My husband did this one birthday (he was single at the time) and shot his first hole in one!

Take the day off from work!  After all, this is your personal holiday.  Sleep in and lounge around.  Get coffee at your favorite bistro or coffee shop.

Take a trip – either solo or with friends.  Can I say Vegas Baby!  You know when your birthday is coming so plan ahead if possible and go on an adventure.  If you are short on cash, a night or two at a bed and breakfast or a camping/hiking trip will do the trick.

For you extroverts out there, plan your own birthday party!  Invite your close friends, be sure to tell them “your presence is present enough” (i.e. no gifts) and ask them to bring a single friend.  You might even score a birthday kiss with one of the hot single guests!

Have an intimate dinner party – either go out somewhere or host it at your place.  Make it pot luck and just enjoy some good company and good food/drinks.

Plan either a girls’ day or guys’ day – do what you do best as a group – spa treatments and lunch, sporting event, food and beers – it’s all good!

If you feel a little uncomfortable planning your own event, ask a close friend or family member to help you out.  Like I said, we have all been there so that friend or family member will be happy to help.

How have you spent your birthday when single?  Please share your comments!

Do you feel like shyness in getting in the way of successful dating experiences?  Are dating opportunities passing you by?  If a potential date approaches you are you suddenly tongue-tied?  Do you avoid approaching that good looking guy convinced you will freeze up?  Is this something you want to change?  We wrote an earlier blog about guys overcoming shyness in the dating world and now it is time to address the same issue for you “shy” girls.

Perhaps as far back as you can remember you were referred to as shy.  When you were a little girl, your mom would say, “Oh, she is just shy” when you were very quiet upon arriving to a party or the first day of school.  This sort of developed into part of your personality.  Maybe you were destined to be shy, maybe not; maybe it was a little bit of the power of suggestion.  In other words, the more you tell yourself you are shy and the more others refer to you as shy you will believe you are shy and present that way in social settings.

If the power of suggestion and your internal thoughts and messages can lead you to believe you are shy, is it possible the opposite thoughts can lead you to believe you are outgoing?  I am going to go out on a limb and say, “yes.”  I do not mean to say it is as simple as just thinking “I am outgoing.”  There is a bit more to it than that so read on for some helpful tips.

1. On a daily basis take note of your positive qualities. The more you focus on your positives the more confident you will feel. The more confident you feel the more comfortable you will become with being a little more outgoing.
2. Ask yourself, “What do I “bring to the table?” In other words, why would someone else enjoy having a conversation with you, date you, etc? For instance, you were invited to a party and there are reasons you were invited, reasons the host enjoys having you around.
3. When you are out in the world, practice being more outgoing. Make eye contact with people, smile and say hello. The more you do this the more comfortable you will feel with being outgoing. You will also be perceived as friendly and approachable which is a key component in the dating world.
4. Hone in on your talents or develop new talents or at least one thing you are good at. This is something else that can build self-confidence which is important in combating shyness. Knowing you have strengths/talents is helpful because it is then a natural topic for you when you interacting socially. No, I don’t mean something to brag about because that is not attractive. What I mean is when someone asks “what do you do for fun?” or “what do you like to do?” you will have something to share about yourself.
5. Ask yourself, “What’s the worst thing that’s going to happen if I put myself out there?” Well, it is possible you will experience rejection. This is part of life ladies so don’t let it get you down. Smile and move on. Try to think of it as practice for the real thing.
6. Set a goal for yourself. When you have plans to go out socially, tell yourself you will make eye contact with, smile and say hello to at least 5 people. Remember, this is practice and the more you do it the more comfortable you will feel.
7. Stop labeling yourself as shy! You are you, you are unique, and you are attractive and you are (__________________) fill in the blank with all of the positives you identified earlier.

How have you overcome shyness in the dating world?  Do you struggle with shyness?  We are interested in your experiences and comments!  Please post!

In a way, when you are re-entering the dating scene after a long break from dating or after ending a marriage or long-term relationship, it is a little like looking for a job after being out of work for a period of time.  You might feel concerned about “gaps in your resume” so to speak.  You might be wondering how to answer questions like “do you date a lot?” or “have you been married?” or “when was your last relationship?”  These questions can feel tough to answer when you are not ready to divulge your whole story, and saying you haven’t actually dated in a couple years feels awkward.  Not knowing how to answer questions such as these can become so anxiety producing it can keep you from moving forward with dating.  It might just seem easier to avoid dating altogether.  From a purely practical perspective, the longer you avoid dating the longer those gaps in your “resume” will be.  The longer you avoid something because of anxiety the more anxiety will build up around what you are avoiding.  Make sense?  In other words, the fear you have related to re-entering the dating scene is likely to be more intense than what you will feel when actually dating.  Let us also say you are allowed to begin dating again and move forward with your life!  Now that we have given you permission, please do the same for yourself and read on as we give you the tips and tools you need to start this process.

Keep it casual. You don’t need to focus on finding love or finding your soul mate. Your best approach in the beginning is to get comfortable with being more social again. Start with broadening your social circle. Let your close friends know you are open to meeting new people. Consider joining some social groups for men and women that have activity based events where you can meet others with similar interests. This would be a great time to take a class of interest to you with a good mix of men and women such as golf lessons, wine tasting, or ballroom dancing. As your comfort level builds with interacting with new people you will warm up to the idea of going on one-on-one dates.

Be positive! Generally speaking, a positive attitude tends to draw people toward you and a negative attitude will push others away. Know that some dates will not lead to a second date. This is normal! It does not mean you are a failure. Each date you go will build your confidence and provide you with dating practice.

If it has been a significant length of time since you have dated you are going to see that the dating scene has changed. Online dating for example might be completely foreign to you. Talk with friends about the best sites and do your own research. Please read our blogs on online dating and dating safety – you will find the tips you need related to navigating web-based dating! Chat with your single friends about their experiences and get some tips on writing a great profile and posting the best pictures.

Don’t open Pandora’s Box! When you do go on a date with someone new there is no need to get into your whole story. This can get really sticky, unravel and head south very quickly if you are not careful. When asked “do you date a lot?” you can simply say “I try to keep a good balance of spending time with friends and family and dating” or “I enjoy dating on the weekends as well as doing other things. My career keeps me busy too.” If you are asked “have you been married?” and you have, be honest, but leave the baggage at home. You can respond with “yes, for 5 years.” This is not the time to get into the gory details of your divorce and what a “bleep bleep bleep” your Ex is. If someone pushes you for details and it’s unlikely they will, you can refocus the conversation by saying “I really want to spend our date getting to know each other” and then ask him/her a question about their personal interests.

Check out the resources in our blog! There are several blog posts with great tips on dating, such as dating safety, internet dating, first date ideas, texting and dating, male and female communication differences and the best places to meet other singles just to name a few. We recommend you go through our archives for each month and check out the different topics that might be helpful to you.

Now, take a deep breath, stand up straight and head out into the world with the attitude that says “I’m a great catch and you would be lucky to date me!”  Confidence is one of the most attractive qualities and is definitely more likely to attract others to you than telling yourself “I’m a relationship failure.”

Have some of you re-entered the dating scene after a long hiatus or after ending a long-term relationship?  Please post your comments!

The first date went really well and date #2 is already planned.  You are thinking about kissing her at the end of date #2.  You played it cool on date number one by ending it with a warm hug and a kiss on the cheek.  She was comfortable with this and lingered in the hug and leaned into the kiss on her cheek.  There was good eye contact and some innocent touches to the arm and back during conversations so it is clear there is a good connection and some chemistry.  You are pretty certain your kiss won’t be rejected and you are ready for some lip-lock!  In all honesty, this kiss could be a make it or break it moment so you want to be prepared.  Don’t worry!  We are here to help you and give you the tips you need to make this a great kiss that she will remember.  Yes, we realize we seem a bit stereotypical at this point assuming it’s the guy that will go in for the first kiss, but let’s be realistic in recognizing that is the case most of the time.  Some girls reading this might be considering going in for the first kiss and that is perfectly fine.  Just be sure to read his signals correctly and know that he is open for that kiss.  Give him the opportunity to kiss you first since that is often what guys are most comfortable with and you don’t want to “steal his thunder.”  These tips can be helpful for guys and girls so read on.

Prior to the date take note of your oral hygiene.  This is important for all dates - #1 or #27!  Be sure to brush, floss and use mouthwash.  You are probably going to eat and/or drink something on this date but doing this prep work will still be helpful.  Keep some dental floss in your pocket (or for the girls in your purse).  You can use the restroom after your meal and take care of any bits of food that may have been caught.  You don’t need to notify your date you have come on the date with dental supplies!

Bring some mints along on the date.  Have one after the drinks or meal and offer one to your date.  You will both enjoy a kiss that is a little minty versus one that tastes like garlic.

Speaking of garlic, choose your meal carefully!  Maybe this isn’t the best date to order something in a garlic sauce.  Perhaps choose something with a milder aroma.  Assuming there are dates in the future  when you know each other better and have kissed several times, you will be likely drop this precaution and laugh about how you should both order the grilled onions on your burgers so you’ll be in the same boat.

As a general rule, use some lip balm on a regular basis.  Soft lips are much nicer to kiss than chapped ones.   Your date will appreciate it.

During the course of the date you should be doing some prep work and testing the waters to confirm she is ready for you to kiss her.  You don’t just throw a match onto a pile of logs and expect a beautiful fire to begin burning, right?  You’ve got to have piece of kindling; make sure the wind is blocked, etc.  This is very similar.  Engage in some physical contact with your date (casual touches to the arm or back) over the course of the evening.  Does she welcome your touch or does she pull away? Pay attention! If she is pulling away, this might be either too soon for a kiss or it might be your final date.

When it is time for the kiss, go in gently but with confidence.  This first kiss is best as a closed-mouth, no tongue kiss.  Linger briefly and then end the kiss.  This might feel like the right time for a hug or to take your date’s hand.  Go with feels comfortable.  Whatever you do, be sure not to hesitate.  Confidence is attractive and you want to come across as knowing what you are doing.

Don’t hold your dates face in your hands with a death grip!  Gently touch her cheek if you like during the kiss but anything more will seem too aggressive.

Close your eyes during the kiss.  It will seem creepy if she sneaks a peek during the kiss and you are staring at her.

After this first kiss with a new squeeze the door is open for more kissing as well as more passionate kissing.  Be sure to recognize when the level of interest in more kisses is mutual.

What have your experiences been with kissing someone for the first time?  Please post your comments!

Yes, spring is the season that is synonymous with love however summer is also a great time to meet someone new and experience romance.  We have all heard the phrases “summer of love” and “summer fling” as well as “summer lovin’.”  The sun is shining, it’s warm outside and overall the mood is more relaxed.  Summer has all the makings for romance.  Remember, just like in the spring, our mood tends to be better in the summer; we smile more and generally are more receptive to attention from the opposite sex.  In addition, we’ve gotten a little sun (i.e. have some color in our faces) and been more active so we appear and feel more attractive too.  Now, you may have been getting a little concerned because summer is yet another season when it can feel like it would be better if you have someone in your life already.  Well, again, barbeques, weddings, trips to the beach and the river are really all just fantastic opportunities to discover love, like, lust or your perfect summer romance.  Remember those days as a teenager at the community pool when you had that crush on the lifeguard or the hottie in the bikini?  This is the time to tap into your “inner teen!”  There is a multitude of ways to meet people in the summer months.  This is a great low-key time of year.  There aren’t any serious holidays to complicate things, and lots of people are traveling so there are even more opportunities to meet people you wouldn’t normally encounter. 

First, it’s important to determine your mindset and have a sense of what you are looking for.  Summer fling?  Summer love?  A romance that has potential to survive the summer and move into the cooler months ahead?

Now that you have determined what you want it is important to believe you can find it and you deserve it.  We’ve talked about this before, but remember that attitude is a significant factor in you getting what you want.  Approaching each day with the attitude of “this is going to be an amazing summer of fun and romance” really does play a part in meeting Ms. / Mr. Fling or Ms. /Mr. Right.  Pessimism and negative thoughts will interfere with you finding summer love.  Confidence is an attractive quality so potential dates will be drawn to you if this is what you exhibit.  Here are five suggestions of where to meet some potential dates during these warm summer days and nights.

Accept all of the invitations you receive to summer events like barbeques, beach parties and pool parties.  These are wonderful relaxed gatherings where there are bound to be a mix of couples and singles.  People have family in town so they will bring them along to these events.  Your friend’s cousin could be the hot summer fling you are looking for.  These events are great because everyone is somehow linked through the host so it makes conversation easy.  If it seems there aren’t enough of these events happening try planning one.  Now, everyone in attendance is somehow linked through you making it easy for you to meet each guest.  Be the master of the grill or make the margaritas!  The potential for romance is possibly in your own backyard.

Check out the local newspaper or search online for festivals, community events and outdoor concerts that are happening over the summer and make a point to go.  You are likely to meet people from your area that you wouldn’t otherwise meet as well as out-of-towners hoping to experience the local culture.  Be sure to smile and make some eye contact with individuals who look interesting/attractive to you.  At an outdoor concert pick a spot on the lawn near someone you find interesting and strike up a conversation.  Make it simple like “have you ever heard this band live before?”  Perhaps bring some extra snacks and drinks and offer it to your new friends.  You never know where this could lead.  What could be more romantic than listening to great music at an outdoor concert under the stars on a warm summer night?

I recently discovered that some resort hotels offer day passes.  How about getting a day pass and hanging out at a resort in your local area or somewhere that would qualify for a day trip.  Imagine who you might meet lounging by the pool?  It’s the perfect setting to discover a summer romance!

Maybe this is a good time to give back to the community.  Perhaps there is a beach, park or community clean-up event.  Get involved!  You will be sure to meet other like-minded individuals and conversation is sure to start about how “green” you all are and how great it feels to give back.  I suggest you parlay this into going for ice cream or lunch after the event.  The rest is up to you!

Travel is another great way to discover summer romance.  Singles cruises, adventure trips, all-inclusive resorts and group tours geared to singles are all options.  Again, people are relaxed and enjoying themselves and you are all in the same boat.  Break out of your shell (if you have one), make eye contact and start a conversation even if it is as simple as “where did you travel from to get here?”  Consider inviting that hottie you noticed by the pool on the next snorkeling excursion.  Be sure to explore all aspects of your vacation - the pool, the workout room, the day tours/excursions and the bar/club.  If the first person you connect with doesn’t turn out to be your object of desire then move on – lots’ more choices out there!

We hope these suggestions get you started on your quest for romance.  Leave no stone unturned, remember this is your summer of love!

Do you have a story to share about a hot summer fling?  Did you find love on a cruise ship?  Please post your comments!

The number one fear for all people (and research shows this) is the fear of rejection. So if you are shy and afraid of rejection you are not alone; but you might feel lonely. There is nothing wrong with being the strong, introverted type but the problem is that you may be so removed that you aren’t able to meet women or may miss the cues that women are into you. That’s why we are here to help you face your shyness and meet women.

One of the most important things to remember about shyness is that is all in your head. Yes it is within your control to face your fear and change your perception. If you can just get your head around the thoughts that create the “shyness” in you then approaching and dating women becomes much easier. But how do you move from fearful to confident?

When you approach a girl realize that what you are doing is really nothing new or out of the ordinary. You meet and talk to women every day, they are just women that you probably aren’t interested in dating. She may be the checker at the grocery store, the teller at the bank, a co-worker etc. and presumably you have no problem carrying on at the very least, small talk.

What’s the worst thing that could happen and how likely is to really happen? If your biggest fear is that she may laugh in your face or yell at you then the likelihood of this happening is pretty slim. Unless a woman is drunk or slightly insane she isn’t going to yell at you unless you are belligerent and crude, which you aren’t because you are just a nice shy guy.

Practice, practice, practice. When we say “practice” we mean with actual women, not alone in front of your mirror. It may be fearful for you to talk to women that appeal to you but feel the fear and do it anyway. The more you do something that you fear over and over again you will become naturally “habituated” and it will be less scary. Our bodies are designed to acclimate and become “used to” anything, it’s biologically built into us. For example, you dive into cold water and eventually it seems less cold; you live next to a railroad and eventually you don’t even notice the sound of the train, etc. This is also applicable with fear and anxiety. The more frequently you experience any anxiety provoking situation and “gut it out” so to speak the more quickly you will get used to it and it won’t be a big deal. Which means that the opposite is also true: the more you avoid something that scares you the bigger your fear becomes. So don’t avoid women, talk to them in every “appropriate” situation you can.

Remember that you will get a “no” every now and then and maybe even more often than not, but all it takes is one single “yes” to make it all worth it. A “no” is just a “no” and nothing more. There are so many factors that play into a woman saying “no” and most of them are out of your control. For example, she may be having a really bad day, she may be just getting over a breakup, etc. Every “no” you get is really just one step closer to a “yes” which again, is worth it.

If you are a shy guy then get out there and start talking more, smiling more, and meeting more people every opportunity you get!

As always, please feel free to share any tips or advice you have with our readers!

There is that attractive guy at work, in your class or at the gym and you are trying to figure out how to let him know you are interested without being completely obvious, but direct enough so you don’t get put in the “friend” category.  This can be a little tricky!  This is someone you are going to see again so you want to avoid potential embarrassment.  You have already said hello, made eye contact, smiled and maybe chatted a few times.  You want to flirt enough so he sees you are interested in being more than friends but not so much so he thinks you just want to “hook up.”  Yes, there is some risk involved here, but remember, nothing ventured nothing gained.  Here are some tips to get your message across subtly, but not too subtly.

The direct approach – this is not for the faint of heart.  The next time you see him tell him you are interested in getting to know him better and then ask him out for coffee or lunch.  Now that you have stopped hyperventilating, remember I did mention this is not for those of you who are shy or introverted.  This approach is for those of you who are a bit more assertive.  What’s the worst thing that could happen?  He tells you he is involved with someone or he says he isn’t interested.  In either case, you move on with your head held high.  You won’t go on wondering “what if” and he feels very flattered.

Here are a couple of options that are a bit more subtle:

The damsel in distress approach – smile and say hello like you typically do with this hottie, and then ask him to meet for a one-on-one study session because you need help understanding points from the latest lecture.  Comment on his skills in the weight room and ask him to spot you while you lift some weights.  Meet up after hours over drinks to discuss the latest company changes.  Guys love to help, teach and guide you so give him an opportunity to flex his muscles literally or figuratively.  Any of these settings will give you a chance to have one-on-one conversation and perhaps flirt a bit – laugh at his jokes, touch his arm when making a point/comment and smile.

Focus on him – if you treat him like one of your girlfriends you are going to end up in the friend zone.  Do not talk about past relationships and what jerks guys are.  If you whine and cry about guy problems and your dysfunctional family and basically treat this guy like your therapist, he is not going to view you as a potential date or even remotely sexy.  You will come across as a scorned victim which is just not attractive.  Talk about what is positive in your life and ask him about himself.  Again, flirt to get your message across.  Offer a sincere compliment.  Don’t dress like a buddy, in your old sweats or like you are going to the office – dress like a girl, wear something that compliments you, wear a little perfume, etc. You get the idea.

How have you let that good-looking guy know you were interested? Please share your experiences and comments!

Are you pleased with how your love life played out over the past year?  No?  Was it kind of a mixed bag?  We are here to wish you a Happy New Year and welcome you to your opportunity to make 2010 your year of better and more successful dating experiences.  The New Year is a great time to evaluate what went well and what didn’t over the past year.  Are you done with “games,” lots of first dates and no second dates, want to attract the type of person you really want to date, and simply just enjoy dating?  Are you ready to take a new approach to dating?  You are reading the right blog!  We’ve got some great tips and pointers for a fresh start to dating.

1. Expand your social network. It’s helpful to have a decent sized pool of people to choose from when it comes to dating. Try re-connecting with people knew in high school and/or college. At some point you had something in common with these people, right? Facebook.com and Classmates.com are both websites that make this very easy. Perhaps there is an upcoming reunion or get-together you can attend. Join the alumni association for your college or sorority/fraternity. Contact friends/acquaintances that you have lost contact with over the past year. It doesn’t matter whether you connect with guys or girls or people who are married or single because the point is to expand your social network. You might strike up a friendship with someone who knows someone who could be a great potential date.
2. If you have not yet developed a Dating Plan – DO IT! TODAY! It’s FREE and well worth your time. You will then have a comprehensive, individualized, step-by-step approach to dating that will help you meet your dating goals. One-on-one dating coaching is also a great way to go. To access these options visit the home page of our website.
3. If you have not yet joined a dating website we do recommend it. It is yet another great way to expand your social network. It will provide you with an avenue to meet many potential dates. We really want you to have a positive experience with this so for tips on how to have success with online dating services please see some of our earlier posts. If you are ready to invest a bit more financially and you are looking for a more serious dating/relationship experience then consider a live dating/matchmaking service. Again, for tips on this check out our earlier posts.
4. Choose one area of interest you have and pursue it. Join that charitable organization, take that class, join that team, join the gym and/or go back to church. These are all great ways to expand your social network as well as have a good time. By pursuing something you enjoy you will be in the position to meet other people with common interests which is a great foundation for developing a friendship and/or finding a potential date.
5. Evaluate your workplace for potential dating opportunities. Be cautious here with regard to your employer’s policies and please read our earlier post that gives detailed guidelines about dating in the workplace. At the very minimum you can be more social at work, have lunch or coffee with a co-worker, and attend your department potluck and other company events. This will increase your odds of actually meeting someone to date or it may lead to an introduction.

Make 2010 the year you enjoy dating!  Please post your comments about how you plan to approach dating in 2010 as well as what has been working for you already.

There are different views of the significance of New Year’s Eve.  Some see it as a new beginning, a fresh start while others see it as a time to reflect over the past year.  Aside from the philosophical aspect, some see New Year’s Eve as a time to celebrate; while others see it as a glaring reminder they are unhappily single.  Which view you take really depends on your attitude.  You can approach New Year’s Eve with confidence and enjoy yourself or you can curl up in a ball on your sofa using Ben and Jerry’s or booze as salve to your wounds and let it pass on by.  I highly recommend option #1 over #2 as #2 will quite possibly leave you feeling pretty crummy come New Year’s Day.  Having said that, here are some options to ring in the New Year if you are single and start 2010 on a positive note:

Introverts:

A small intimate gathering is right of up your ally whether you are a guy or a girl.  Contact a few of your closest friends (all guys, all girls or a mix) and host a get-together.  Ask each guest to bring something to share as far as food and drinks, or perhaps if you are into cooking you can all make something together.  There is also the option of ordering out.  Pick take out from several kinds of places and have an International night!  Start with chips and salsa, move on to won ton soup and egg rolls and then have some sushi or pasta.  If you are all into board games then make it a game night.  Maybe poker night fits for you or possibly a movie night or spa night.  As you can see there are many ways to spend the evening with a close group of friends.  This is a great chance to get to know these friends even better.  You can also compare notes about the dating scene – perhaps your friends have tried some approaches to dating that have been successful and they can share their secrets!  

If you decide to spend the evening alone, be sure you are clear that it was a choice.  You can determine whatever will feel relaxing and positive for you.  Perhaps choose a favorite meal or treat, watch a marathon of favorite movies, read that novel you’ve been meaning to get to or maybe write New Year’s cards to your close friends.  This can be a good time to reflect over what has gone well in the previous year and what some of your goals, hopes and dreams are for 2010.

Extroverts:

You are comfortable with and enjoy large social gatherings and meeting new people.  The perfect place for you might be one of the big New Year’s Eve bashes held at many restaurants, clubs and hotels.  Check online and you are sure to find listings for New Year’s Eve parties with food, drinks, music and dancing that sometimes have as many as hundreds of people – including singles.  Choose a venue that caters to your taste in food and music as well as age group.  Some of these events are pretty formal, so put on a tux or a gorgeous gown and dance your way into 2010.  It’s likely you have another single friend and this could be fun to go together.  Be sure to work the room and you never know who you might be standing face-to-face with at the stroke of midnight!

Another option is a singles event.  What a terrific opportunity to meet new people!  I guarantee if you search online you will find some hotels and restaurants hosting singles parties on New Year’s Eve.  Grab a friend and check out one of these events.  Since you are an extrovert you are probably itching to be out on New Year’s Eve and with a big, social group.  This is a way to make that happen and it’s a great way to meet some potential dates for 2010.

You’ve got a about a week until New Year’s Eve so get cracking on your plans and ring in 2010 in the way of your choosing knowing you will have not just a good time but a great time!

Please post your comments!

The holiday season in general tends to get the reputation of being stressful and potentially lonely if you are single.  Holiday party invitations often lead to eye rolling and groans of pain while quickly trying to figure out what excuse might be believable to decline the invite.  I’m here to tell you that this does not have to be the case.  Perhaps there is another way to look at this?  Perhaps holiday parties can be a time of opportunity and a fun time?  Here are some helpful tips.

Will kids be at the party or just some adults who act/feel like kids?  Maybe the host would like an appearance from Santa!  If so, volunteer to come dressed up as Santa and you’ll get a chance to talk to everyone at the party.  Hand out some chocolate and candy canes and you are sure to be the hit of the party.  You never know, you may strike up a conversation with someone who can be your date to the next holiday party!

Ask the host ahead of time who else will be coming solo to the party and then ask your friend to introduce you to those guests.  It’s certainly possible you will know many of the other guests.  You can bond with these other single party-goers and hang out together.  Be gracious, offer to get drinks for your new friends and strike up some light conversation.  This is probably right up your ally if you are an extrovert!

Now, if you are more of an introvert or if you are a little on the shy side, ask your host if it is okay to bring a buddy.  This will take the edge off of walking in solo and you will have someone who you already know is fun to hang out with and talk to.  Try to invite a friend who is a bit more of an extrovert because he can then help you work the room and meet some of the other party-goers.  Again, it is certainly possible you will know several people at the party, even if they are just acquaintances from last year’s holiday bash.  Remembering someone from last year is a great conversation starter – “Hi, I’m Carl, you look familiar, and I believe we met at this party last year.”  I’m sure you get the idea!

Whatever you do, don’t focus on the negative.  Starting conversations with “I’m here alone” only makes you and the person you are talking with feel awkward and possibly a little depressed.  Talking about how lonely you have been and how you wish you had a date for New Year’s Eve isn’t going to get conversation going very well either.  Put a smile on your face, try some of the food from the buffet, have a little eggnog (see next tip below) and strike up light conversation.  Some good topics are travel and sports.  Many people go on ski trips this time of year and lots of people are following football.  Avoid the subject of politics as this can get a little heated and you might offend someone.  Also, beware of complaining about the food, music or anyone’s kid.  Seriously, have some tact.  You are just setting yourself up to upset or offend someone.

Be careful about going to deep into the eggnog or the punch bowl.  Drink in moderation.  No one likes the obnoxious drunk at the party and if you go easy on the booze it will help you avoid being known as the “guy who drinks too much at parties” all year long.  This reputation could seriously affect your chances of meeting someone at this party or being introduced to someone at a later time by a guest who sees you in all your drunken glory.

So, accept invitations to holiday parties and have a terrific time during the holiday season.  Remember, parties are great opportunities to expand your social circle and meet potential dates.