So it’s a Friday night at Albertsons and I’m picking up a few dinner items after work when I notice to guys looking worriedly at the rows of flowers on Aisle 11. I feel for them because one is trying earnestly to help the other pick out the right “bouquet” for his date, tonight of course, and they really have no idea what they are doing, but they do look very concerned. And why you ask? Well because they know that we women have “flower rules” and most guys are aware there are rules, but don’t have any idea what those rules are. There is a lot on the line. So I go over and offer to help without being asked and they graciously accept my help. I give them a quick crash course in the meaning behind the flower given to a girl, and the do’s and don’ts when it comes to girls and flowers. As they listened attentively, and even appeared a little perplexed, they received the information and made the appropriate choice which was a bunch of wild flowers (perfect for a first date). Since I realized the information might be of benefit also to our male readers that information will now be shared with all of you guys out there who have been, or will be in the position at some point in time, lost in the flower section of Albertson’s on a Friday night:

Let’s start with the most common flower given on a date, the rose. The red rose sends a message alright. In pure basic terms a red rose says that you love her and have serious intentions regarding your relationship. If you don’t feel this way, skip the red rose, seriously. The deeper the red the more love and romantic the message.

If she is only a friend then the yellow rose is much more appropriate. Plain and simple, the yellow rose sends a message of friendship.

A white rose signifies purity and innocence. Both yellow and white are perfect in platonic relationships, however, a yellow rose can sometimes indicate a more serious friendship than a white rose.

A word on carnations — almost the same rules apply as the roses. Red signifies romantic love, yellow and white kindness and friendship (thinking of you) and white is purity (unless combined with others in a spring bouquet.

Daisies and wildflowers are perfect for a new relationship. They are bright and beautiful and signify the start of something new and fresh.

You really can’t go wrong with tulips, or orchids, however, the girl or guy (especially a girl) will know that you spent a nice amount of money on her if you send her a bouquet of orchids so keep that message in mind.

One last word on the presentation of flowers. Sending flowers sends a different message than delivering. If you are in a serious relationship then by all means send or deliver your girlfriend or wife flowers. But, if you are just “pals” with no intention of taking the relationship further, avoid sending your girl flowers. Women work with women, and women talk about everything. The first thing women say when another women gets flowers at work is “Oh my god, he must LOVE you!” so if you don’t want to send that message, then don’t have your flowers delivered

As always, please share your thoughts or ideas and experiences with our readers!

So the summer is coming to end “sigh” and you are possibly freaking out and why? Because you have had great fun your new mate and are thinking “Will it end when the summer does? Will he or she stick around after Labor Day? Yikes! Hold your horses! You don’t need to start stressing out. Assume some control and recognize that the one thing that we all love about summer is that it is relaxing and hopefully less stressful. Just because the summer is ending doesn’t mean your relationship is as well. Unless you know for sure i.e., one of you is moving away, lives somewhere else etc. we can’t assume that the close of the summer signals the close of the romance. Here are some tips to keep your relationship moving in a positive and relaxed pace and to put things in perspective:

Tip 1. Be active in planning activities to do and events to go to in the fall. Stick with planning to do the things you like to do so that, if for some reason, things don’t work out for you and your new mate at the very least you will have plans to have fun.

Tip 2. When making plans for the fall consider buying an extra ticket (provided it’s not too costly) and as and the date of the event gets closer ask your mate if he or she would like to join you. If not you can still ask a friend or colleague, or can sell the ticket if you’re comfortable going solo.

Tip 3. Maintain a relaxed and calm summer attitude. Try to be present and have fun and avoid thinking and talking about things like going back to work, shorter days in the fall, obligations, etc. The more “present” you are the more fun you will have plus the more aware you will be when it comes to deciding if your mate is long term material.

Tip 4. Keep communication about expectations or no-expectations open without going overboard when it comes to “commitment talk.” Try to keep your feelings in check and your anxiety at bay and communicate about how much you are enjoying your time together and whether or not it feels right to continue that “time together” a little longer than summer.

Tip 5. Make sure that the two of you are on the same page. If this is truly a summer only romance for you try to make that very clear to your partner. If he or she seems to be looking for more you owe it to both of you to speak up about your desire to keep it short and sweet. The converse is also true. If it seems like you are starting to have more “long-term intentions” or “feelings” for him or her then pay attention to the messages you are getting from your mate to make sure that you both are wanting the same thing. If the messages seem unclear then you may have to speak up before you get hurt.

Whether it’s a summer fling or a long-term romance remember to appreciate the time you have together in the summer. The days are longer, the weather is warmer, work seems lighter (for most) and fun is everywhere so enjoy!

We don’t really need to know “why” men and women tend to communicate differently in relationships all we need to know is that they do, and for the most part both genders can say essentially the same things but in different ways.

For example, take “Sarah” and “John” (names changed for obvious reasons). Sarah and John have been dating for a few months and Sarah asks John a very common girl question “How do you feel about our relationship?” John is a little confused by the question he views as pretty broad and answers “I feel fine.” Now Sarah becomes irritated with this response because she feels that he didn’t really answer that question and she replies by asking John “Other than just fine, how else do you feel about US?” Now John just views this question as a repeat of the original question and wonders why she didn’t like his first response. He assumes maybe he just chose the wrong word so he now replies “I feel good about us.” Now John is satisfied with his response but Sarah is irritated and now John is confused, and both of them are now frustrated.

If this situation sounds familiar you are not alone. It’s pretty common for men and women to miscommunicate when it comes to describing their wants, feelings, and possible feedback with their partner. In Sarah ‘s case she needs to understand that most men need to know more specific information, ie. the bottom line. Sarah’s question is very broad and only another woman would completely understand it, but not a man. What Sarah is really asking is “Do you see a future for us? Do you feel like you are committed to this relationship on a long term basis or are you thinking that this is as serious as it is going to get?” But John has no idea that Sarah is asking all of that in her one question so really he answers the basic question without reading between the lines, which is “I feel fine.” For guys there is nothing between the lines, and that’s the bottom line.

In addition, if you ask a guy “So what are you thinking about?” you will probably freak him out because in truth he is probably thinking about something random and doesn’t want to say that because he knows you are asking for a different, more profound response, and he doesn’t have one. So just avoid that question altogether. You probably want some kind of answer that sounds like “I’m thinking about how happy I am at this very moment with you.” When relationships are going well guys don’t talk about “how good they are going” they only speak up if there is a problem; judge his “thoughts about the relationship” by his actions. When guys are happy in a relationship they really don’t talk about it, so his silence is a good sign, it’s golden. Women are the opposite; we talk about almost everything so if you are thinking “you are happy at this very moment with him” then say it.

So in Sarah’s situation, or really for any women it would be wise for her to break down the questions one by one and then ask each one individually. Allow for your mate to think and process it before moving on. Keep in mind that the bottom line is what you want to stick to otherwise you may overwhelm him with talk about feelings, and not everything needs to be discussed in one relationship conversation.

In John’s situation, or for any man talking to a woman about feelings, the relationship, or possibly any serious content related conversation try to listen with your heart. What this means is that even though there may be a problem presented doesn’t mean that your mate wants it fixed. Just listen empathetically and allow her talk and maybe even vent. Venting, for guys who don’t know this, is a common way that women just open share their thoughts and feelings without wanting to resolve anything. The resolve is just allowing oneself to speak openly and have another person listen without judgment or problem solving. It may be helpful, if a guy can’t tell whether or not he is needed to provide a solution, if he asks his mate whether she is venting or wants help problem solving.

Hopefully these are some helpful guidelines for all men and women in relationships speak more comfortably with one another with more understanding of the differences and similarities in both sexes.

So this is my first hand recap of a little bit of dating history and mistakes I’ve made throughout my entire life of dating. I did have to learn the hard way, unfortunately, but ended up exactly where I wanted to be, in a happy and loving marriage to a wonderful guy. But the road wasn’t easy and I’m here to help all of you girls or guys out there try to avoid the same mistakes or “roadblocks” I couldn’t avoid.

Mistake #1. In one of my somewhat-serious relationships I convinced myself that I could change “Mr. Right” if I tried hard enough. Because I thought I knew him better than he knew himself and I also believed that we were “meant to be” then even if he put forth the effort I was bound to make it work (after all, we were meant to be right?) WRONG. We weren’t meant to be because “to be” eventually ended. He became tired of me trying to “better-him” and we had the dreaded conversation of “it’s not you it’s me” sigh.

Mistake #2. Was he cheating, I didn’t think so. Who was I kidding, of course he was. But somehow I convinced myself he wasn’t. I had my suspicions, and went so far as to verify them by accidentally looking through his briefcase where I of course found a card from a woman who was clearly more than a friend. Yes I did confront him, kind of, and he had a plausible explanation, which I really can’t remember but seemed to satisfy me at the time. The second and third times were less satisfying and eventually it ended, sigh.

Mistake #3. Even though he said he didn’t want a commitment he didn’t really mean it. After all, doesn’t he feel the way I feel, our connection, our soul mate “vibe.” Well, he did mean exactly what he said and shockingly our non-committed relationship slowed slipped away.

Mistake #4. He started to pull away and I wasn’t sure whether we were breaking up or not, so I fought harder to hold on. By the way, this just does not work. I think it’s a natural phenomenon that when you feel like you are losing something or it is being taken away we cling on harder even if it’s something we may not really want. The problem is the harder we try to hold on the more that force “or guy” pulls away. In addition, in this specific relationship I waited for closure when I wasn’t going to get any. I didn’t get the message that the reason he wasn’t returning my calls (every time I called him) or the feeling of being blown off was his way of actually breaking it off with me. I figured that unless he actually said “Yes I am breaking up with you?” then we weren’t breaking up. I didn’t want closure, but I felt like I needed it in order to move on. Well it was closed I just couldn’t get it through my head that closure was not something I was going to get and I just needed to get over it and him.

Not to stereotype guys but many guys won’t actually give a girl closure which is what most girls want when it looks like a relationship is doomed. We can’t figure it out “Why doesn’t he just tell me that it’s over??” Well, if he doesn’t then you trying to probe it out of him isn’t going to give you any closure either; you just have to realize that his “avoidance, distance, etc. is indicative of the end. If it walks like a duck then it is a duck and it’s walked away and that’s then end of it.

Well those are some of my most consistent and memorable relationship mistakes that I do recognize and have learned from. I’m sure there are more but thankfully I don’t remember all of the mistakes I made

We probably can’t talk enough about online dating especially in this day and age of electronic communication. Time is valuable and if you want to date better then your time is precious. That being said we have more red flags for you to look out for while you are looking for Mr. or Ms. Right in the cyber-world:

If his or her bio picture looks “out-dated” i.e., clothing might be from the 80’s or 90’s then it is. The same goes for the same picture over and over again. We know that if there is no picture posted then we definitely recommend moving on but we also don’t want someone who has the same picture, or variation of, throughout his or her profile. If you only see a head shot, then what is she or he hiding?

If he or she talks only about what the want in a person versus what they can bring to the relationship then you are in for someone pretty self-absorbed. However, be wary also for the online dater who is full of questions for you but no information about him or her. This can appear to be flattering but it can signal someone who doesn’t want to tell you much about themselves, maybe because they are actually “attached to someone else.”

To the ladies out there: If he hasn’t asked for your phone number and called you after four emails (5 at the most) then blow him off. You are wasting your time with “email guy” if he isn’t worried that another guy will snatch you up and therefore clamoring to get your phone number.

Steer clear of the “winks” but no actually written conversation. If you are just getting a wink then skip him because chances are you are one of many getting winked to. This also applies to the email that reads like a form letter. If you get an email that says something like “Hi! I saw your profile and was intrigued. Tell me more about yourself” then you are probably one of many who are getting someone’s standard intro form letter. Yes some online daters create standard letters to send to multiple people (kind of like fishing) and you don’t want to waste your time, especially if they aren’t spending time to create a personal email that shows interest in you.

If he says he is just looking for a “friend” then move on. No one who is using an online dating service is looking for an actual friend. People make friends elsewhere rather than through a dating service. A guy who says that he is looking for just a friend is using code for “I just want to hook up with no strings attached.”

If you have any additional red flags to share with our readers please do!

“Now it seems to me, some fine things

Have been laid upon your table

But you only want the ones that you can’t get.” Eagles

This is just one line from the famous song by the Eagles “Desperado” but it does sum up the many situations some singles that are dating find themselves in, and I think we’ve all been there. Let’s face it, no one wants to looks desperate or come across as needy or eager to date. Yet both men and women can fall into dating patterns that make them look needy or desperate despite their best efforts to remain confident and secure. Below are some definite signs that you are appearing desperate to your potential mate:

Someone who is desperate is always available. Whenever he or she calls or texts you are ready, willing, and able to get together even if it means canceling the plans you’ve already made.

The desperate dater is the one always-initiating contact. Sometimes one person initiates a little more than the other but if you feel like it is always you initiating the text, the call, etc. then chances are you are acting desperate and you will feel it in your gut.

You minimize all of the poor treatment you receive from the person you are dating. You know that you have things that you want from the person you are dating that are pretty consistent to what other people get but for some reason it’s not happening for you. For example, you never forget his birthday or his gift but he skips right over yours. You rationalize by saying something like “Well he has a lot on his plate right now and it just slipped by him, really it’s not like him so he must be pretty stressed.”

Some who looks desperate is always in agreement with what the other person says or does or wants to do. Whatever your “like interest” wants to do you’re game and you have no ideas of your own, especially if they are different. You don’t want to rock the boat so you just defer to him or her and are up for whatever they want. Caution here, the one thing we hear most people say bugs them in a relationship is being with someone who doesn’t appear to have a mind of their own and never has an opinion i.e. will say something like “I’ll do whatever you want to do, or eat wherever you want to eat…etc.”

The desperate dater feels like he or she is the one who cares more about the person he or she is dating on a constant basis. If you are questioning the level of interest on the other person’s part and feel like you are definitely more “into him or her than he or she is into you” then it’s time to take a closer look at your possibly desperate behaviors and pull back a little.

Now these are just some basics when it comes to dating when desperate but hopefully they can help you take a close look at what you want and what you are doing so that if you need to make changes you can do them quickly to better your dating experience!

Most of us are familiar with the term “cougar” as it is used in the dating world. A “cougar” can be summarized as being an older woman 40+, who is single, financially independent, and has a preference for dating younger men. This isn’t the Wikipedia definition by it basically summarizes the term.

Being a cougar shouldn’t be viewed as a “negative” quality and there are some pretty decent benefits to having the cougar status and embracing it.

Typically younger men don’t carry as much baggage as older men, which is just based on the fact that they haven’t lived enough years to acquire the extensive baggage ie. an ex-wife, kids, “repeated end of relationships scars” etc. If you are looking for a casual relationship then the less baggage you have to deal with the better.

Maturity level aside (age isn’t always consistent with maturity) younger men can be more spontaneous. Again baggage may a contributing factor when it comes to one’s ability to be spontaneous. Also, younger men are still looking out for what life has to offer and tend to want to seize the moment, try new things, and be spontaneous.

Younger men are usually more active and energetic. This can be of significant benefit if you are an older woman who is very active and have high energy. Older men are more likely to have an increase in physical limitations that just come with age that generally happen more quickly in life as opposed to women. In line with a higher level of energy is also a naturally higher sex drive. It’s unfortunate that as a woman hits her 30’s her sex drive starts to peak but a man’s sex drive peaks on average 10 years prior to that. However, for the older woman dating the younger man this can be a definite bonus!

Younger men often like to impress older women. We aren’t quite sure why this is so and are hesitant to get too Freudian in the “why’s” but it is what it is and this can be of great benefit to an older woman. What woman doesn’t want to be impressed and flattered by a younger man’s eagerness to please?

Advice

Since we have covered some benefits to being a cougar we also have some tips to make the most of your cougar experience.

Stay confident and allow your younger man to chase you. Just because you are a cougar doesn’t mean you need to be the one doing the chasing. All men like to pursue and since you are a busy, independent woman you really shouldn’t be easily available. And, avoid the “booty call.” You don’t want to fall into the reputation of the “older woman who is always available when he calls at midnight.”

Stay true to your deal breakers when it comes to dating all men,  younger men included. Deal breakers are applicable with everyone you date. Make sure he respects where you are at in your life, your obligations, and busy schedule and if he doesn’t then move on.

Make sure you are both on the same page when it comes to the relationship and expectations. If it’s casual then both of you need to recognizing that it’s casual, and if you are looking for more then make that clear as well.

There are definite “pluses” when it comes to being an older woman who is dating a younger man and the benefits go both ways for both guy and girl, so have fun and happy hunting

In this day and age it has become easier to have a long distance relationship with the amazing access to others via text, email, and Skype, especially those who are geographically undesirable (G.A.). However, having a long distance relationship, even in the optimal communicative circumstance, still poses uncertain challenges on a daily basis and is certainly not for the “insecure at heart.” But, if you believe you have found your “ideal mate” and he or she lives hundreds or even thousands of miles away we have some advice for you to give your relationship the best chance to survive and thrive.

1. Make sure you both are on the same page and want the same thing out of the relationship. Commitment is key, otherwise why bother?

2. Who will relocate if things work out in becoming a “happily ever after” scenario? Relationships do one of two things: they either end or move forward. In order to move forward one of you will have to relocate so make sure to have the conversation about this scenario and have and idea of what is “doable” in place.

3. Don’t spend every waking moment together when you are together. Even though you haven’t seen one another in awhile it is a mistake to spend every second together. This can be harmful in different ways. No couple should spend every moment together without having an opportunity to be alone or have time with other friends. A long distance relationship should be somewhat comparable to a relationship when two people live close to one another. Unless you plan on spending every moment together when you both live in the same area (which we don’t recommend) then don’t do it when you are visiting one another. If two people spend every moment together on visits while in their long distance relationship then when one eventually “relocates” to be together culture shock will hit.

4. Keep your partner up to date on your everyday life. Share daily experiences with him or her that can bring him or her a little closer to “almost being there.” Communication is key and snail mail can enhance and strengthen communication. Although email and texting helps a great deal, a thoughtful letter, card, or even a keepsake (like a flower picked) and sent to your mate can strengthen a connection significantly.

5. Always have a date set up i.e., a plane ticket purchased or reserved while maintaining contact via email or phone. Having the next visit prearranged or planned gives each of you something to look forward to and can always help alleviate uncertainty, which can trigger insecurity. Make sure the amount of travel is pretty equal. Each of you should be traveling to visit one another pretty equally in order to avoid resentment or thoughts that one person is investing more into the relationship than the other.

Have you ever been in a long distance relationship? Please share your thoughts and experiences with our readers!

We all know the term “rebound” and probably know that being in a rebound relationship isn’t a really a good idea but it’s easier said than done. How do you tell if you are actually “rebounding” from your past relationship? Or, how can you tell if you’re new mate is rebounding from his or her past relationship? Knowing the answer to these questions can probably same you some heartache and at the very least save you some time. Although there is no sure-fire test to tell there are some red flags that we can share with you to help decide for yourself.

1. How recent was the break-up? The term actual “break-up” can sound confusing so we actually like to say, “How recent did the relationship actually end?” Sometimes the end of a relationship can happen long before the actual breakup itself and the rule of thumb is the longer the time between one relationship ending and another one beginning the better. That said there isn’t actually a definitive timeline that gives us a rule. If it was a long-term relationship (over a year for example) and it ended just a few weeks ago then chances are you are the “rebound” or “rebounder.”
2. If your new love or like-interest can’t stop talking about his or her recent relationship then chances are he or she is not over it and you are in a rebound situation. A major red flag is constant “ex” talk, even if it is negative. Constant conversation or comments about one’s ex basically signals us that that relationship is not over yet, at least at an emotional level and the relationship you are in now is a rebound.
3. If you can’t decide whether or not your mate’s break up was recent enough to constitute a definitive answer to whether or not you are the rebound guy or girl then also take a look at how fast this relationship is moving. If it looks as if things are moving pretty fast or too fast then the combination of the semi-recent break-up and intensity of this one is a sign. What that tells us is he or she wants to just pick up this relationship where the other one left off and you are probably a rebound.
4. If you are wondering whether or not you are the one rebounding into a new relationship from your recent break-up one way to tell is how frequently and to what degree you think about your ex. Do you compare your current relationship with your prior one frequently? Do you compare the two mates? Do you often find yourself missing your ex? If you are answering yes to all of these questions then chances are you are probably rebounding.
5. How similar are you to his or her ex? Yes most people have a “type” of person they are attracted to but if you look “too much” like the ex (and you’ll know it) to the degree that maybe his or her friends call you by the ex’s name then this could be a sign of a rebound. Now this in itself isn’t a big red flag but in combination with the above factors numbers 1 through 4 then this relationship is probably a rebound.

Have you ever found yourself in a rebound relationship? Please share with us your story!

We’ve talked about how to get a conversation started on a first date but the conversation doesn’t end there; it’s only just starting. For some people talking freely and comfortably comes naturally, but for most of us we tend to get at least a little nervous on a first or second date and might get concerned about “uncomfortable silent” moments or the worry “what if we run out of things to talk about?”

Here are some tips to help get through your date worry-free and have a great time too!

Pick a venue that has an atmosphere that sparks conversation by it’s mere ambience. For example some good options might be a supper club, (not too loud), a themed restaurant, etc.

If you notice that your time together needs a bit of scenery to help you feel more comfortable talking then ask your date to go on a walk with you. Sometimes a breath of fresh air is all you need to be more at ease and talkative.

Topics that are generally good ones that can spark an abundance of dialogue are movies, books, places you have traveled, music etc. As always avoid politics and religion, unless you are further along in the dating process and know that it’s a completely safe topic to discuss. However, as a general rule we advise not chatting about either of these topics on your date.

As you are talking try to end your comments with a question asking your date his or her opinion on the matter/subject.

Ask open ended questions, these are questions that elicit answers that require more than a mere “yes or not.” Also, when asking a question listen carefully to the answer and for content that can be used to spark more interesting conversation. For example, you may ask your date “I love that style of watch on you. It’s really flattering. Where did you get it?” Answer, “This old thing, I bought it last year when I got my promotion.” You reply, honing in on the word “promotion,” “You got a promotion? That’s great! Tell me about your promotion?” And so on, and so on.

Please share with our readers and other ideas you have on how to keep the conversation going steady on your date!