In this day and age it has become easier to have a long distance relationship with the amazing access to others via text, email, and Skype, especially those who are geographically undesirable (G.A.). However, having a long distance relationship, even in the optimal communicative circumstance, still poses uncertain challenges on a daily basis and is certainly not for the “insecure at heart.” But, if you believe you have found your “ideal mate” and he or she lives hundreds or even thousands of miles away we have some advice for you to give your relationship the best chance to survive and thrive.

1. Make sure you both are on the same page and want the same thing out of the relationship. Commitment is key, otherwise why bother?

2. Who will relocate if things work out in becoming a “happily ever after” scenario? Relationships do one of two things: they either end or move forward. In order to move forward one of you will have to relocate so make sure to have the conversation about this scenario and have and idea of what is “doable” in place.

3. Don’t spend every waking moment together when you are together. Even though you haven’t seen one another in awhile it is a mistake to spend every second together. This can be harmful in different ways. No couple should spend every moment together without having an opportunity to be alone or have time with other friends. A long distance relationship should be somewhat comparable to a relationship when two people live close to one another. Unless you plan on spending every moment together when you both live in the same area (which we don’t recommend) then don’t do it when you are visiting one another. If two people spend every moment together on visits while in their long distance relationship then when one eventually “relocates” to be together culture shock will hit.

4. Keep your partner up to date on your everyday life. Share daily experiences with him or her that can bring him or her a little closer to “almost being there.” Communication is key and snail mail can enhance and strengthen communication. Although email and texting helps a great deal, a thoughtful letter, card, or even a keepsake (like a flower picked) and sent to your mate can strengthen a connection significantly.

5. Always have a date set up i.e., a plane ticket purchased or reserved while maintaining contact via email or phone. Having the next visit prearranged or planned gives each of you something to look forward to and can always help alleviate uncertainty, which can trigger insecurity. Make sure the amount of travel is pretty equal. Each of you should be traveling to visit one another pretty equally in order to avoid resentment or thoughts that one person is investing more into the relationship than the other.

Have you ever been in a long distance relationship? Please share your thoughts and experiences with our readers!

“Our first date seemed to be going so well, why haven’t I heard from him??”

If you find yourself making this statement after the otherwise “perfect first date” then it’s a good idea to take a look at your dating behaviors, any red flags about the guys you are dating or if it might be time for you to have a “first date makeover.” Many of us think we know all of the first date rules because, after all, we are women and we analyze “everything.” The problem is we aren’t always right especially when it comes to our behavior on a first date. These “behaviors” are often the ones our friends also may be reluctant to tell us, so we need to rethink our otherwise perfect moves on a first date and take a look at exactly what will make a nice guy, and potential Mr. Right, vanish after the first date.

No –Nos:

Lies. Plain and simple don’t lie about your appearance or your life with respect to significant aspects, ie., kids, a job, appearance, etc. If you have been “less than truthful” prior to the date about any of the above and think you can repair this lie in the first date forget it. Nothing says “stay away” for a guy like a woman who is deceptive.

High-Maintenance: The restaurant is fine but could have been better, and you verbalize this. The food is wrong, the table is wrong, and forget about the atmosphere. If you share all of this with your date then this signals to him that you are high-maintenance and hard to please and a complete turn-off.

Non-stop chatter. Conversation is great but not allowing your date to get a word in is a major turn off. Equally undesirable is a woman who has absolutely nothing to say, and it’s like pulling teeth for your date. Speak openly but let him talk too!

Ex-boyfriend talk. Avoid talking about your ex if at all possible. If it slips out don’t worry about it but if you start talking about your ex, telling stories about things the two of you did, or even negative chatter about him this is a major signal to your date that you are still into your ex.

Talk about what kind of wedding the two of you will have. Commitment is fine but if you are on your first date and are starting to talk about what the two of your kids will look like, and where to get married, then your date will flee from that date never to be seen or heard from again. Tread lightly on your first date and don’t’ talk about any major commitments that you might be wanting with this guy, even if you feel an automatic love connection. Nice guys are great but your date will run away if he thinks he is being cornered into instant “husband, or daddy.” Cool your heels ladies and save that talk for a future date, many dates down the road.

As always, please share your feedback or first date experiences with our readers!

We have all heard the “The bad guy always seem to get the girl,” or, “Nice guys finish last,” but is that really true? Do you have to treat a girl badly in order for her to like you? Does it always seem like women prefer the guy who won’t call instead of falling head over heels for the guy who does call, who does text you more than you text him, who does make a date with you and not stand you up for his friends? I know that a lot of guys think they need to be “bad” to get the girl and probably get pretty confused when they are told they have to be strong yet sensitive (yet not too sensitive otherwise you might look pathetic). No wonder why nice guys really aren’t sure how to really treat a woman. Well we will try to set the record straight for guys out there and shed some light on a somewhat fuzzy phenomenon of nice guys versus bad guys!

Bad boys are usually pretty confident, or at least come across that way and that is a turn-on for women. Women love it when a guy is confident and dare we say a little “cocky” in order for our interest to be perked. Arrogant is a no-no but a little cocky is attractive. Bad boys give girls the impression that they are worth the work, which makes them even more desirable. Bad boys aren’t pushovers and they don’t accommodate every demand or whim a woman has.

Bad boys aren’t needy. They aren’t clingy and they don’t call ALL OF THE TIME. They call or text once and that’s it. They make women wonder what they are doing some of the time and then we start thinking “Where is he? What hasn’t he called? hmmm, is he with another girl? Well you get the picture.

Bad boys can be a challenge. Often women will get caught up in a challenge without really wanting the “prize” (which of course we don’t realize) and then once the challenge is gone so is the girl. We know this sounds confusing boys but fear not, you don’t need to be a total challenge to the get the girl. If she is into you and not just the challenge she will stick around. If she ditches you once she’s got you then she wasn’t in it for you (the reward) after all it was just the thrill of the chase, much like the cat catching the mouse because the mouse is running not because she’s actually wanting the mouse itself.

Bad guys are mysterious and many girls love the dark and mysterious nature of guy. You know the catch phrases “Strong and maybe silent but deadly (translation ‘hot’).” We are curious and we want to know information that doesn’t come easy to us. Most women tend to problem-solve and analyze (at the risk of overgeneralizing of course) despite ourselves.

We are not suggesting that all guys should all be Mr. Bad Guy. However “what women typically find attractive” is something that guys should pay attention to and modify or incorporate into their own personality. What’s wrong with becoming a little more confident, refraining from sharing too much about yourself too soon in a dating relationship and standing up for yourself when you need to? How you perceive yourself is what matters the most. If you can increase your confidence, either through your work or personal life then you will naturally become more attractive. Go for what you want and expect to get it, or should we say her?:)

He’s such a nice guy; everyone loves him. He’s got a great job, he calls you every time he says he will, your friends think he’s great, he’s cute, funny, and you have a great time together. He’s perfect, except for one thing…. you’re just not feeling it. How can that be? What’s missing? Well, sometimes a guy can be Mr. Right on paper but when it comes down to it, something’s missing and you just can’t put your finger on it. Just keep in mind that every day you spend with the wrong guy is another day gone by when you aren’t available to the right guy. Here are some red flags you might want to pay attention to help you figure out just how into him you really are.

1. You think to yourself, if he just played a little hard to get or was just not as nice. If you want him to rework his personality in order to make him more attractive then you may not be that into him.

2. It doesn’t bother you when he doesn’t call and when he does you are in no rush to call him back. You find yourself not really thinking of him or missing him at all when you aren’t together. When you’re first dating a guy you are really into you think about him all of the time and your heart skips a beat every time he calls. You want to call him back right away even if you’re head tells you to play a little hard to get.

3. When you kiss him the sparks are somewhat lacking or you may even be distracted by what isn’t quite right with the kiss. You might think “Well no kiss is perfect” but remember when the chemistry is right, even though we all appreciate a good technique, it’s not necessarily the technique that makes your tummy tingle it’s the right guy that releases the butterflies.

4. You don’t talk about him to your friends. We don’t expect you to monopolize the conversation with your friends talking about your boyfriend, because girls do have other things to talk about, but you really don’t talk about him at all. It may feel like you don’t really have anything to say about him, hmmmm…

5. You find yourself telling him that you really aren’t looking for a serious relationship and you want things to be casual. You say you don’t mind if he dates other girls, and you mean it. Usually if you are really into a guy you don’t want him to date other girls, not only because we are competitive but also because we want a guy we really are into to be all ours and no one else’s. If you don’t really mind sharing him, then you probably aren’t that into him.

Please share with our readers other signs that you notice about yourself when you just aren’t into a guy!

Okay ladies, I think we all might need a reminder as to what guys really want in a woman. Even though we’ve talked about this stuff before for some reason we seem to forget or stop doing what works and think we know best when it comes to guys. Well we don’t because we are girls so tune in for the reshresher:

Avoid the negativity. Guys simply do not want to spend time with a woman who has a constant negative attitude and criticizes everything. Of course everyone has his or her good and bad days but if you are sporting a negative “Debbie downer-like” attitude 24/7 your guy will lose interest – regardless as to how hot you might look.

Don’t speak badly about your body or your appearance. Guys love a confident woman. Not cocky or arrogant, but confident. This pretty much goes for both sexes but all guys you talk to will tell you that a woman who is comfortable with herself and her body is a real turn on. If you are critical of yourself then it’s time to work on accepting and loving yourself. If you do that then that love can be contagious.

Skip the work or friend gossip and save that conversation for your girlfriends. Guys don’t have or want to have the attention span to listen to us babble on and on about what “Susie” did at dance class, or what “Barbara” said to her sister. They aren’t interested so skip that conversation if you want to hold your guy’s interest.

Show off your “smarts.” It’s a myth that most guys like a girl to play dumb. Guys like a girl who uses her brain confidently. You don’t need to be rocket scientist but be comfortable talking about the things you know and the response from your guy may surprise you in a very positive way.

Guys like it when a girl is self-sufficient. If you can take care of yourself financially and are independent guys will admire you for it.

Guys are attracted to your smell. Yes we said it, they like the way women smell, usually after a shower especially with fresh shampooed hair. Trust me, I’ve asked them and this is what they tell me. Although they love a pretty floral scent there’s something like the au-natural scent of a woman that turns a guy on (may go hand in hand with wearing his dress shirt and donning a baseball cap) – we’re still working on that research !

Share your thoughts guys on anything else you like in a woman!

Right around Halloween the Christmas decorations started popping up in various stores.  I know, you were groaning to yourself “already, really?”  Well, now that Thanksgiving has come and gone, the holiday season is in full swing.  It seems like everyone around you has coupled up and is preparing for romantic holiday celebrations. Every television ad is either for a jewelry store with some incredibly happy couple getting engaged or something involving a scene of a perfect looking family having a perfect holiday meal together.  As a single girl, are you excited and looking forward to celebrating with family and friends or are you trying to figure out how to somehow sleep for the next few weeks and wake up on January 2nd and avoid the whole thing?  Are you ready to throw a sharp object at your television in order to stop the barrage of happy holiday ads?  Your attitude about this time of year is the main ingredient to what will make it a time of celebration versus something to be “survived.”  I encourage you to put away your Sex and the City DVDs that you pulled out for a marathon and look at the holidays from a different vantage point.  I’m here to tell you that it is possible for the holiday season to be fun, exciting and relaxing versus agonizing, stressful and exhausting.  Doesn’t that sound great?!  How you ask?  Please, read on!

Consider these statements:  Every day is an adventure.  Your life is full of possibilities.  Repeat these statements to yourself daily.  Since you are single you have the option of making all of the decisions.  This is very empowering.  There is no reason for you to wait around for Mr. Right to have a great time.  You get to decide if you stay in, go out, check out the Christmas lights, bake cookies, go shopping, visit with friends or family, or perhaps book a vacation!  

Why wait for an invitation?  Plan your own holiday party.  Contact your single friends and ask them all to bring a friend or two to your holiday bash.  Be sure to invite some couples too to avoid your party looking like a singles event!  Make some great food, create a signature holiday drink and keep it lively with some festive music.  Have a white elephant gift exchange to encourage laughter and conversation.  Be sure to wear a great outfit – it’s your party and your night to shine!

Accept party invitations!  Yes, there are other single people during the holidays and a party is a great place to meet them.  Treat yourself to a new outfit or a new accessory or simply wear something that you know is flattering and walk into that party with confidence.  Prior to going to the party recall movies you have seen, places you have traveled and books you have read so you will feel ready for some interesting conversation.  If the host allows and it will help you feel more confident, bring a friend.  This may help you get over the anxiety of walking in alone.  Once you are there, smile, make eye contact and work the room!

Take a trip!  If you are pretty adventurous consider a solo vacation to an exciting destination.  Or, perhaps you have a girlfriend who would enjoy a trip as well.  Another option is an organized singles’ vacation.  A spa vacation is certainly a relaxing way to go.  Based on my first tip, you have the freedom to do what you choose.  This could be a great time to recharge your batteries and relax on a sunny beach or ski the snowy slopes.  Remember, your life is full of possibilities.

Have a cookie exchange with your girlfriends.  Each girl bakes 2 dozen cookies (coordinate with them so all are different types) and then when you get together to gossip and have a spiked glass of eggnog you sample some tasty treats as well as package some up to take home.  You now have a great mix of cookies that you can take to that family gathering and impress those relatives who you only see once a year.

Go ahead and decorate your home.  Who says you have to be married or have a family to put up holiday decorations??  If holiday decorations make you happy then surround yourself with them!  Get a tree, light a menorah, hang stockings and string lights!  Remember, this is about celebrating!

Come up with a great come-back for the relatives or friends who insist on asking “so why don’t you have a boyfriend” or “aren’t you ever going to get married?”  Try asking back “why do you ask?”  This is sure to stump the inquisitor and leave him or her stammering.  Or perhaps smile slyly and say “oh, there are just too many adventures to be had to settle down just yet.”  Be sure to have a story ready to give as an example of something only a single girl would have the opportunity to do.

Some other ways to spend your time, especially if you have time off from work during the holidays:  read, exercise (gotta burn off those Christmas cookies!), go through your closet and donate your old clothes and shoes, see a chick flick or two, treat yourself to a spa day, catch up on rest and volunteer your time to a worthy cause – giving of yourself helps you to focus on what you have versus what you do not.

Single girls - How do you plan to spend the holidays?  What are some good holiday experiences you can share?  Please post your comments.

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If you are a single mom and are wanting to date you might be struggling with questions like “Is it okay to date casually and seriously?  Is it okay to have sex? Will other people think it’s okay?”  The answer is “yes” to all of those questions.  Not only are you allowed to date but also you should date!  You don’t need to ward off every man until your child leaves home, nor should you, regardless of what other people say to you.  But as you know sometimes dating is not so cut and dry so we came up with some valuable tips to help you down that dating road.

1. Don’t introduce every new guy to your kids.  Your children don’t need to meet every man you date nor should every man meet your kids.
2. Have a reliable babysitter on hand so that you won’t have to cancel last minute on a casual date and be forced to explain to your date the difficulties of dating with kids before you are ready.
3. Make your kids be the priority but not your entire life.  Life balance and boundaries are very important so make sure that you make time for yourself, social time that is, and also time to be “mommy.”  When you are on a date don’t talk about your children all night.  Your date doesn’t want to hear it all night long and you should have other things to talk about.
4. If the relationship is not working out then end it, even if your children like the guy.  It’s your job to teach your children how to handle change and loss when it is necessary and to not stay in a relationship for the wrong reasons.
5. Try to avoid lying to your date if he asks if you have kids.  This topic of discussion may be a tough one for you to bring up but lying isn’t a good option either.  Being a mom is just like any other aspect of your life that you might share.  Keep it simple and straightforward.  If he asks if you have kids be honest and say “yes.”  If he doesn’t ask and you think it’s time to bring it up don’t make it more serious than it needs to be, i.e., don’t say, “I have something to tell you.”  That would immediately freak out any guy.  Incorporate the topic as part of normal conversation; for example, say something like “This past weekend I went to my son’s little league game.” 
6. Be honest with your kids about the fact that you might be going out with a new friend and allow your child to express his or her feelings.  Remember to keep the sharing of information age-appropriate and allow for enough time so that they feel respected and heard.
7. Remind yourself often that you are a desirable woman and a terrific mom.  And remember to have fun!!

Please share any tips, advice or stories with all our single mom readers out there!

I’m sure that most guys know the basics of how to ask a girl out on a date but the real trick is to ensure that she says “yes!”  If we can help with a little advice to keep the odds a little more in your favor then we will!  Here are some tips that you might not have considered before but should increase your odds.

1.     Suggest getting together on a weeknight versus the weekend.  When thinking of going out on a date most of us think that the weekend is the best time because we don’t have to wake up as early in the morning and generally speaking that is our free time.  The problem with that is that our free time isn’t abundant so that may be our only free time and we may not want to set that aside for a first date.  If you ask a girl out on a weeknight she also may be more likely to say yes since many people also plan out their weekends well in advance and a first date can really add some fun to a regular boring evening.

2.     Suggest more than one date (evening) as an option so you don’t box yourself in to a 50/50 chance. Say something like “Would you like to go out for coffee or a drink next week either on Wednesday or Thursday?”

3.     Offer a couple of suggestions for locations like a coffee house or wine bar.  Don’t make yourself soundtoo available so don’t say that you are open to getting together every night,  just the option of a couple of days.  Busy is attractive but too busy can also be a turnoff.  If she really does want to go out with you she will try to make time but sometimes a girl does have another commitment so try to give more than one option. 

4.     Don’t approach a girl that’s with a  group of friends unless you absolutely have to.  Try to wait until she is alone before asking her out.  You both don’t need the added pressure of a bunch of people around to make you nervous or worse yet affect whether she says yes or no.

5.     Pay attention to her body language (read our other blog article if stuck).  Approach her if she looks approachable but don’t if she looks upset, angry or busy.

6.     It’s okay to ask a girl out over the phone but don’t leave a message asking her out and please don’t ask her out via text!

Remember that “no” means no so if she says it, she means it.  Cut your losses and move on to the next candidate.  After all it is a numbers game!

Please share all of your tips and advice with our male readers because we all could use a little help with the opposite sex.